Dreams of Dark Chocolate and Stale Cigarettes
by Amour en Rayures
Summary: Matt and Mello escape their untimely death but are forced into hiding. Not wanting to risk leaving the country, they move to a small town in Hokkaido. The town doesn't seem to have much to offer... except maybe the chance to fall in love.
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

Author's Note: Hello to anyone who is reading this. First of all, this story will contain yaoi. If yaoi is not your thing, please do not read this. Also, this story is currently rated T but I will eventually changing it to M. I will post which chapters contain lemon in a note at the top so if you want to read this story but don't want to read any of the graphic stuff you'll know which chapters to skip. Second, this is the first fanfic I have ever writen, so please don't be too hard on me. Constructive criticism is welcome, flames are not.

Before you start reading this, please know that you need to read chapter 1 and chapter 2 together. If you just read chapter 1, you are going to think that all I did was steal directly from the Death Note series. However, once you read chapter 2, you will understand what I was doing. It is actually essential to the plot so please don't leave me comments about me stealing from Death Note.

I think that's everything and I hope you enjoy my writing.

~Amour en Rayures

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of its characters.

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Chapter 1: Prologue

The motorcycle sped away down the narrow alley leaving the too wide cars behind it. Takada's body guards no longer an issue, Mello reached into the pocket on the left side of his leather jacket and pulled out a pair of handcuffs. He proceeded to attach one to his wrist and the other to Takada's in the same fluid motion in which he removed them from his pocket.

Takada gasped audibly, despite the sound of the motorcycle's engine. Her face revealed a worried expression, but she refrained from saying anything for the duration of their trip.

After traveling through the side alleyways of the city for what seemed like hours but must have only been minutes, Mello finally pulled into a warehouse. The large interior was mostly barren except for the moving van positioned near the door. Mello drove the motorcycle slowly up the ramp and into the back of the van before cutting the engine. He hopped off the motorcycle.

"Get off!" Mello commanded in a harsh but strained tone. Takada complied. He produced a key from his pocket and released both sides of the handcuffs, letting them fall to the floor with a loud _Clang!_Takada quickly backed into a corner, cowering like a trapped animal. Mello kicked a cardboard box towards her.

"Take off everything you're wearing and put it in that box."

"You're…asking me to get naked…right here…?"

"That's right. You've got a tracer that'll alert the body guards to your whereabouts, don't you? They're going to come after me if I don't get rid of that. This delivery company has a shipping office close by, so I'll toss the box there." Takada hesitated.

"Hurry up. Don't worry. I'll give you a blanket," Mello said before picking the nearby blanket up off the floor and tossing it into the box.

"O-okay," Takada said, clearly trying to stay calm but failing miserably, "I-I'll give you my bag, my cell phone and the stuff inside my pockets. I won't be able to contact anybody…s-so can I at least have that blanket around me when I take my underwear off…?"

"Okay! Just hurry up!" Mello took the mentioned devices and waited for Takada to undress. Takada turned around, facing the corner, and started to remove her clothing. When she had only her underwear remaining, she hurriedly bent down and picked up the blanket, wrapping it around her almost nude body. She removed her bra but hesitated for a moment before dropping it into the box along with the rest of her clothes. Takada stepped out of her panties and placed them in the box. Mello bent down and rummaged through the box, checking its contents.

"Okay, good," he said, seemingly satisfied. Mello picked up the box and walked to the door. "You're going to have to stay in here for a while. And I don't want to hear a peep, got it?" Mello walked around to the front compartment of the van and unlocked the driver's side door. He threw the box onto the passenger's seat and took out the delivery company's uniform, quickly changing into it. He tossed his clothes next to the box as he slid into the driver's seat.

Mello drove to the shipping office and stepped out of the van with the box, leaving the van running. He found the nearest open van and glanced around. With no one in sight, he left the box among others of its kind in the back of the van. He moved swiftly back to the van which held Takada. He climbed back into the van and drove away.

After driving for a few minutes, Mello turned on the small TV screen on the dashboard and flipped to the news. The small screen showed Matt's car riddled with bullet holes. Blood splatters littered the ground. "The man who was shot down has still not been identified," the announcer explained in an emotionless voice. Mello's face changed to show something that resembled despair tainted with remorse. He continued driving.

After about half and hour, Mello finally reached his destination. He pulled into an old, abandoned church. He turned off the ignition and let out a small sigh. Elbows resting on the steering wheel, he placed his head in his hands.

Mello suddenly sat bolt upright. His eyes bugged. His hands frantically clutched at his chest. A small gurgle escaped his throat and a single word: "Kira."

Mello's head fell forward onto the steering wheel with a small bounce before coming to rest. His arms hung limp on either side of him like the rosary that hung suspended above his lap off the bottom of the steering wheel. His eyes stared wide out the window into the darkness created by the church ruins as his last breath escaped his slightly parted lips.


	2. Chapter 2: The Dream

Chapter 2: The Dream

Matt's eyes flew open as he sat up so quickly it made his head spin Sweat clung to his bare chest and plastered his bangs to his forehead. Matt's breathing came uneven and ragged and tore at his parched throat. His heart threatened to burst through his ribcage and flop to the ground beside him.

But there was no ground immediately beside him; and the "ground" felt oddly soft.

Matt's eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness that seemed to press into him. He began to make out the shapes of a TV on a table a few feet ahead directly in front of him. And he was in a twin size bed.

_That's right, me and Mello checked into this shithole of a hotel last night._ Matt tried to slow his breathing but his heart continued to beat frantically in his chest. _We're in the hotel room. Mello's still alive._ Matt looked over at the other bed positioned four feet away to his left. It was empty.

Matt's breathing picked up speed again as his mind jumped to the worst. Mello was dead. It hadn't just been a dream. Matt rushed to get out of bed but the sheet had wrapped itself around his legs, preventing him from getting very far. He fell to the floor with a crash and immediately tried to remove his legs from the sheet's grasp, but it was relentless. The bathroom door clicked open. Matt stopped moving.

Mello stepped out, wearing only a pair of black boxers and holding one of the small glasses the hotel had provided in his left hand. Despite the poor lighting, his scar was clearly visible running down from the left side of his face to his shoulder. He brought the glass halfway up to his mouth before noticing his friend lying on the ground, tangled in a sheet.

"What the fuck are you doing." Mello's tone came flat, making it sound more like a statement than a question.

Matt stared, mouth agape, at his friend whom, moments before, he had been certain was dead. He never recalled being so happy to see Mello before in his life.

"Alright, fine, don't answer. I'm going back to sleep," Mello said as he resumed raising the glass to his lips. He drank its entire contents as he walked back to his bed. He sat down on the bed and placed the glass on the small night stand to his right. He laid down, facing the wall, and tossed the covers over himself.

"No." Matt was surprised to hear his voice. He had been certain that he hadn't said anything, but there was his voice, clearly telling Mello "no" for whatever reason.

"Whadya mean 'no'," Mello mumbled into the blanket, clearly getting annoyed. Matt realized he was still on the floor being held captive by the sheet. No longer in a panic and already recovering some from his shock, Matt worked to release his legs. Finally overcoming the sheet, he threw it from himself. It failed to go more than a foot.

"No what, Matt? I'm getting tired of this. Either answer the damn question or let me go to sleep." Matt hesitated. He said the only thing that came to mind.

"You're alive." As soon as the words left his lips, Matt knew they sounded stupid. Mello sat up in bed, at this point very agitated. The covers tumbled down, gathering at his waist.

"Yes, Matt, I'm alive. What gave you that idea, the fact that you saw me walk across the room or the fact that I'm talking to you RIGHT NOW?" Matt flinched. "No, okay, you know what? It's fine, it's completely fine. We can stay up all night and be dead tired tomorrow and get ourselves killed. Then I actually _would_ be dead. Now can you please explain to me why we are both wide awake at," Mello looked at the digital clock on the nightstand, "Three o'clock?"

"I had a dream…"

"You had a _dream_?" Mello said without letting Matt finish, "This is all because of a _dream_? You're going to be _twenty_ Matt, you need to get over your fucking _nightmares_!" By this point, Matt had fully recovered from his shock and was progressively getting more and more angry at Mello. "And what are you still doing on the floor?" Mello finished. With only his ragged Nintendo logo sleep pants over his legs now, Matt got up off the floor and sat on the edge of the bed a little surprised himself that he had stayed down there so long.

"It wasn't _just_ a dream, it was _today_," Matt started. He could make out Mello's confused expression through the darkness. "We went through with the plan and you _died_. We have to come up with something else. This won't work."

"Matt, it was just a stupid dream, it doesn't mean anything."

"I told you, it wasn't _just_ a dream. It was too real. It was like I was there watching as you died." A hint of sadness reached Matt's voice. He tried to hide it and was pretty sure that Mello hadn't noticed. Mello hesitated.

"What about you… did you see if you died?" Matt looked at Mello in surprise. What did it matter if he died? The important thing was to make sure Mello didn't die.

"You know that little TV I installed in the dashboard so that you could check the news to see what they were broadcasting before you continued with the plan? In my dream, when you turned on the news they showed my car. It had bullet holes all over the side of it… and there was blood all over the ground… the newscaster said that a man was shot down…" Matt couldn't be sure in such poor lighting but it looked like Mello was sad. _Maybe it's just my imagination_ Matt thought _Mello never shows any emotions that make him look weak, sadness one of them. At least... not anymore._ They were both silent for a minute. When Mello spoke, he did so with such confidence that Matt was sure that he must have been mistaken about Mello being sad.

"Well, we're both awake anyway. We'll think of a new plan, we'll both live, and I'll beat Near to finding out where that asshole he calls X-Kira is hiding the real notebook."

_Leave it to Mello to be so overly sure of himself_ Matt thought. "So what's your brilliant plan then?" Matt's tone practically dripped sarcasm. Mello thought for a minute. "So?"

"_So_, here's what we're gonna do."

• • •

Five and a half hours later Matt and Mello stood outside in the hotel parking lot. Mello mounted his motorcycle and put on his helmet.

"You're sure this is going to work?" Matt said, glancing in Mello's direction.

"Of course." Mello's tone, once again, was cocky. "How could it not work?"

"Well, for one, we could both end up dead."

"We're not going to die. Just trust me, okay?" Trust me. Hadn't the last time Mello told Matt to trust him been when he left Wammy's?

_If anything, you saying 'Trust me' makes me worry more, Mello _Matt thought, but all he said to Mello was "Sure."

"Okay. Well, I'll see you soon then." Mello's voice suddenly lacked its confidence.

"Yeah, see you soon." Mello started the motorcycle and sped off without looking back. Matt raised his hand to wave even though he knew Mello wouldn't see him. Matt watched his friend drive away until his leather clad figure was no longer in sight. Matt sighed. _This is going to either be a really long day or a really short day._ He sincerely hoped it would be the first of the two. He lowered his goggles from their perch atop his head and positioned them over his eyes.

Matt walked to the driver's side door of the red car and slid in. He took a cigarette out and placed it between his lips. Matt flicked the lighter on and watched the flame for a moment before lighting the cigarette. He inhaled deeply and started the ignition.


	3. Chapter 3: Waiting

Author's Note: I'm very sorry that it took me two weeks to get this chapter up. Normally it will take about a week per chapter, but the last two weeks have been a little hectic and so it took me longer than normal. Next week I plan on getting two chapters up to make up for the week I didn't post one.

Anyway, I love to hear from my readers so if you guys have any suggestions on where you want this story to go please tell me. You can either send it to me in a PM or just put it in a review. I can't promise that I will use your suggestion, but if I like it and it fits in with what I already have planned, I will be sure to include it. And thank you to everyone reading this; this story has already gotten over 100 visitors! Please enjoy and make sure to send me your suggestions!

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Chapter 3- Waiting

Mello stood under the house's awning to avoid the frigid rain. Despite the fact that it was still January, the temperature had climbed just high enough for it to rain. The rotting awning allowed the water to drip through; it pooled around Mello's feet.

Mello checked the clock on his cell phone again. Matt was late. He looked down the small dirt road in vain.

They had decided it would be best to go into hiding since the police would pursue them after kidnapping probably the most famous person in the world. So that morning in the hotel, they had each packed a duffle bag with the few belongings they had with them. Matt had thrown his in the trunk of his car and Mello had taken his to the warehouse and put it in the cab of the moving van.

Rather than risk trying to leave the country, they would meet in Biei, Hokkaido, a small farming town. They had decided an obscure location would be best, and with a population density of only 16.7 persons per km², Biei was perfect. An added bonus was that it was far away from Tokyo, which is where the police would be looking for them first. In fact, they had estimated that it would take about a day to drive there. Traveling by plane or train would have been faster of course, but this is one of the things the police would be looking for, and the purchase of tickets could easily be traced.

They decided to meet at the house Mello was currently standing in front of. It was old and slightly run down and had been up for sale for over a year according to the real-estate website. It was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a field. The website claimed that the field would bloom lavender in June. Mello found it hard to believe that the frozen wasteland surrounding him was capable of producing plant life. The only indications of life were a few slivers of dead grass poking through the melting snow.

When Mello had first arrived, he had picked the lock on the front door and had checked out the interior. The internal cavities of the house were not in as bad of shape as the exterior would suggest. It was extremely dusty but was otherwise in decent condition. The house came fully furnished, which gave Mello the impression that the old owner must have died. They hadn't really discussed it, but since the house was in living condition, Mello figured this is where they would end up living. It would be an added risk to buy the house, but otherwise they wouldn't be able to get the electricity and heating turned on. They could live without electricity if they had to, but since it was still winter, it would be difficult living in northern Japan without heating.

They had figured Mello would arrive first, but even so, it wasn't supposed to take Matt this much longer; Mello had been standing on that porch for now six hours. He could have waited inside, but with the way the house was angled, he wouldn't be able to see down the road in the direction Matt would be coming from.

Mello looked at the clock on his cell phone for what must have been the hundredth time. "Idiot. What could be taking him so long?" Mello muttered to no one in particular in an attempt to convince himself that he was more angry than worried. Despite his best efforts, Mello was becoming less angry and more worried with each passing second.

_What if he doesn't come? How long am I going to wait here before I go find a TV and check the news to see if he is dead?_ Mello frantically shook his head to clear his thoughts. _No, I can't think like that. He'll get here eventually. He can't die._

Mello had texted Matt as soon as he had arrived at the house, but Matt had never responded. As he stood there worrying, he checked his phone for any new texts. Nothing. He punched Matt's number in and waited for it to ring. Instead, it went straight to voicemail. "Hey, this is Matt's phone. Sorry I can't answer right now. Leave a message and-." Mello hung up. It was physically painful for him to hear Matt's voice believing he might be dead. He knew that he should find out if Matt was dead, but Mello was too afraid to check the news; what if it confirmed his fear that Matt was dead.

Mello remembered when Matt had told him about his dream. He normally didn't put much stock in things like premonitions, but Matt dying was too big of a risk to not make some changes to their plan. Mello had considered that he might end up dead as a result of the kidnapping but not Matt; Matt wasn't supposed to die.

• • •

So when they had sat in the hotel room at three in the morning, Mello had tried to think of a plan that would allow Matt to live if not himself as well. Because any changes made to their original plan could cause something unexpected to occur, Mello kept the alterations as minimal as possible.

Since the Japanese police seem to have made it their policy to shoot on sight, he had decided that it would have to be top priority for Matt not to get caught. Breaking him out of jail wouldn't be an option if he were dead.

Mello had planned a series of escape routes for Matt that were designed to shake the police off his tail. They would lead south, away from Biei, but would eventually loop back around and head to Biei. It would lead Matt two hours out of the way, but Mello was fairly certain it would keep him away from the police.

Mello's plan of action was only modified slightly. On Matt's insistence, Mello had promised to make sure that Takada didn't have anything with her that she was hiding under the blanket. But the only way to do this was to not allow her the blanket which made Mello rather uncomfortable. It wasn't that Mello hadn't enjoyed seeing her naked body, after all, Takada was an attractive woman, but the fact that he enjoyed it made Mello feel like a pervert.

Regardless of this, Mello was glad that he hadn't given Takada the blanket; she did, in fact, have a cell phone, a small slip of paper, and a piece of a pencil she was trying to hide. Mello had figured out what the paper was as soon as he saw it and that she had planned to kill him. He confiscated the three items and exited the van, locking Takada in.

He drove to the abandoned church in Nagano, checking the TV only once. It had confirmed that Matt was still alive. When he arrived, he pulled into the church and went around to the back. He unlocked the back doors and stepped in. He tossed the cell phone to her and told her to call whoever she had planned to, saying that she had killed him. After he threatened her, she did.

She called Light Yagami and after hanging up said that that was all she had planned to do. Mello, however, didn't buy it and threatened to kill her if she didn't hurry up and finish whatever she had planned. So she texted someone she referred to in the text only as T. In return, he sent her a list of names. Mello had understood immediately. This was bad, if Takada was the one actually performing Kira's duties for T/X-Kira then it was possible that he didn't even have the real notebook anymore. Yet this was the important message that she was supposed to receive. Mello had known that he wouldn't be able to get anything else out of Takada so he took her cell phone back.

Mello removed his motorcycle from the back of the moving van and locked the back doors. He went around to the front and grabbed the duffle bag; he threw it to the ground next to his motorcycle. He leaned against the wall and stared out the gaping hole that had once housed a door. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. X-Kira was supposed to be the one in charge of the killings; everything was decided around this fact. The only thing Mello had known for certain at this point was that he would have to kill Takada. He didn't want to be responsible for another death, but there was simply no way around it; he couldn't leave someone alive who knew his face and, based on Matt's dream, his name.

Mello glanced at the van. He needed to get out of there as soon as possible which translated to killing Takada as soon as possible. He pushed off the wall with his back and stood up to his full height and started back towards the van.

He stopped suddenly. Was that the smell of smoke? He ran to the van, unlocked the back doors, and opened them slowly. Takada had set fire to the interior of the van somehow and was calmly sitting in the corner. _So X-Kira does have his notebook then._ Mello had shrugged and walked back to his motorcycle and threw the duffle bag over his shoulder. _One less thing for me to do_, he had thought as he climbed on the motorcycle and started the engine. He had turned on the GPS on his cell phone and pulled out of the church.

• • •

But these events seemed like a lifetime ago to Mello as he paced the length of the porch. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket to check the time again. The sun should have set by now although the dense clouds made it hard to tell; the sky looked only a little darker than when Mello had first arrived.

Mello stared down the road, willing Matt's car to appear. _If Matt's dead because of me, after everything he had done for me, if Matt is dead because of my plan, I will never forgive myself. When I needed him after I blew up the Mafia hideout, he came without question. I didn't even say goodbye to him when I left Wammy's but he still came and took care of me when I couldn't go to a hospital. All I've ever done is cause him trouble._

Mello turned around and paced back in the opposite direction. He stopped abruptly about a foot from the edge of the porch. Was that the sound of a car approaching? Mello whipped around. He saw headlights making their way down the road in the direction of the house. It was difficult to tell with the headlights blinding him, but it looked like Matt's car. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking. Mello watched the car intently as it made its way closer and closer to the house.

The car stopped in front of the old house. The headlights were extinguished and the engine quieted. Matt stepped out of the car.

_Thank you, God._ Mello breathed a sigh of relief, truly relaxing for the first time in days.


	4. Chapter 4: Visage

Author's Note: Awesome, I received absolutely zero suggestions. Well, whatever, I'll just stick with what I originally had planned.

And thank you to the three people who have take the time to review. Now if only there were more of you...

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Chapter 4: Visage

Matt stared out the windshield down the dark road. He pulled his goggles down to his neck with his right hand and rubbed his eyes. It felt like he had been driving for weeks. The GPS said that he was almost to his destination, but if he didn't get there soon, he was going to fall asleep while driving.

_That would be great. After everything I've had to do to stay alive and I die because I crashed into a tree or something. That would be ironic._ Or maybe it wouldn't be. Matt was too tired to think about how best to classify his hypothetical death by tree. The lady in the GPS reminded him that he would be making a left turn in half a mile.

Matt tried to focus on the road that stretched out in front of him. _I wish the radio wasn't broken; maybe some music would help me stay awake._ Through the pounding rain and the windshield wipers that persistently beat back and forth across the windshield he could make out a house in the distance on the left. _That has to be it. Maybe I can actually stay awake long enough to get there._

He finally reached the house and pulled into the driveway next to where Mello had left his motorcycle. He flicked off the windshield wipers and headlights and turned off the engine. He shoved the keys into his pocket along with the empty pack of cigarettes. Matt pulled the goggles back up to his green eyes and stepped out of his red 1968 Camaro and into the rain. He quickly retrieved the duffle bag from the trunk and ran up to the porch. Matt placed his hand on the door knob and started to turn it.

"What the fuck took so long!" Mello yelled to his right. Startled, Matt jumped back slightly. As tired as Matt was at the moment, he wasn't all that observant; plus, he had neglected to wipe off his goggles which still housed rain droplets. Between the two, he hadn't noticed Mello standing on the porch.

Matt wiped off his goggles with his sleeve and looked at Mello's face. Clearly forced anger. Matt had known Mello long enough to know when he was actually mad about something. "Why? Were you worried?" he said, taunting Mello. Matt watched as the expression on his friend's face turned to one of true anger.

"Yes, in fact, I _was_ worried. You're late, Matt. Not just late, _five hours late_. I thought you had died. I called your cell phone and you didn't answer." Mello looked at him, waiting for a response.

"…yeah…it died…," Matt said reluctantly, waiting for Mello to explode.

"You didn't charge it? Why wouldn't you…," Mello started. He sighed. "…Never mind. Just come inside. You're soaked." Mello opened the door and went in.

Matt looked at Mello in surprise. Mello never gave up that easy. Matt had expected him to rant about this for at least five minutes. _He must have really been worried_, he thought, walking in behind Mello. He closed the door behind him.

"There are two bedrooms upstairs. Take whichever one you want and go change into some dry clothes." Mello's tone sounded so defeated that Matt wondered if he was really all right. This was just so… un-Mello-like.

_He's probably just tired_, Matt decided as he climbed the stairs. He took the room on the right without even looking at the other one. He went in and threw his duffle bag onto the bed. He pulled out his Nintendo sleep pants and a plain black, long-sleeved t-shirt. _It's strange how westernized this house is. Especially that there is a bed instead of a futon_, he thought absentmindedly, pulling his black and white striped shirt over his head and throwing it over a chair to dry. He finished changing.

_Well, I suppose I should at least explain to him why I'm so late._ Matt exited the room and went back down the stairs.

Mello was sitting in the large chair facing away from the stairs in the living room. His right ankle was crossed over his knee; his left elbow resting on the armrest with his fist holding his head up. Matt walked around to the couch positioned adjacent to the chair and sat down. The couch was surprisingly comfortable.

He looked at Mello whose face revealed an odd expression: he looked not only both relieved and a little angry, but also quite simply exhausted.

"I'm… sorry," Matt said meekly. Mello brought his eyes up to meet Matt's. His eyes were the most stunning shade of blue. _Why have I never noticed how beautiful his eyes are before?_ Matt wondered. But as he looked at Mello's face he realized it was not just his eyes, his entire face was beautiful, his features almost elegant. The curve of his lips, the clarity of his pale skin, even his scar added to it, seeming only to enhance the quality of his features.

His lips especially drew Matt's attention. He wondered briefly what it would be like to kiss him. He quickly looked away. Matt's heart pounded in his chest. _What am I thinking? Number one: he's my best friend; number two: he's a __**guy**__. I can't kiss him. That would just be so… weird. I'm just… really tired. Yeah, that's it; I just can't think straight right now._

"No, don't be." Matt glanced back up at him in surprise, forgetting for a moment that he had started to apologize.

"I was an idiot. If I would've just remembered to charge my phone, neither one of us would have had to worry." Mello's expression softened slightly; the small amount of anger that had lingered on his features was now gone.

"Well, you still haven't told me why you were so late," Mello said, apparently dismissing the previous topic.

"Oh, right. That's what I came back down to tell you, but I … got distracted." A slight pink tint crept into Matt's cheeks. Mello's face produced a look of confusion, but he waited for Matt to continue. "My car ran out of gas."

"You… ran out of gas," Mello repeated in disbelief.

"But it wasn't actually my fault. The fuel gauge is apparently broken, it's stuck on like three quarters full," Matt hastily explained, "Anyway, I got stuck out in the middle of nowhere and had to walk to the nearest gas station which turned out to be about three miles away. And I only had enough money for the gas. I'm out of cigarettes."

"Matt, you could have died today, and you're worried about being out of cigarettes?" Mello questioned in disbelief, "Those things are going to end up being what kills you." Matt looked away. He had honestly never figured he would end up living long enough to have to worry about things like lung cancer; being Mello's best friend was generally a dangerous occupation.

"Well, how did things go today with you?" Matt asked, eager for a new topic.

Mello sighed before launching into an explanation of the events of his day. Matt listened intently to start, but his exhaustion quickly took over. He fought to keep his eyes open but to no avail. Mello's words began to go in and out of focus. His heavy eyelids paired with the soft couch, which seemed to get more and more comfortable with each passing second, were simply too strong. Matt was soon fast asleep.


	5. Chapter 5: Epiphany

Author's Note: Hello again. I just wanted to say that I have made it so that people who do not have a account can now review. Just thought some of you might like to know.

Also, there are two things in the story that I put an asterisk by. These are just in case you don't understand the cultural reference I use. If you care to find out what they mean, scroll down to the bottom; I explain them for you after the chapter. Also, if you understand what manga "Fujita Diner" is a reference to, you are awesome.

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Chapter 5: Epiphany

Mello sat up in bed slowly and yawned. Sunlight streamed in through the windows, making its way around the moth eaten curtains. Mello picked his cell phone up off of the small night stand to the right of his bed. The digital clock it displayed read 10:08.

He got out of bed, bare feet hitting a cold hardwood floor. _Damn, it's cold in this house._ He yanked a blanket from the bed and wrapped it around his bare shoulders. Despite the low temperature, Mello had still slept in only boxers, just like he always did. He felt that anything more was too restraining to sleep in.

Still half asleep, Mello slowly made his way out of his bedroom and down the stairs to the living room. He saw Matt where he had left him the night before.

Before going to bed himself, Mello had taken a blanket off Matt's bed and laid it over him. Now his sleeping form lay across the couch, his arm dangling over the edge; the blanket had half fallen to the floor and now covered only up to Matt's waist. Mello leaned down to retrieve it. As he laid it back across his sleeping friend, Mello looked down at Matt's face noticing how calm, how serene he appeared. _Matt really is cute when he sleeps._

Mello stopped and backed away. _What am I thinking?_ Mello never used the word "cute" to describe anything especially not his male best friend. _It's probably just all the stress I've been under for the past few days. That's got to be it… hopefully._

Mello started moving towards the stairs and away from Matt. _Maybe some fresh air will help. I'll just ride around for a while and clear my head._

When Mello came back downstairs, he was dressed in his normal head to toe leather. He walked to the front door being careful not to look in Matt's direction. As he turned the door knob, he heard a rather groggy Matt ask, "Where are you going?" Mello turned around to see Matt sitting on the couch, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"I was going to go get something to eat," Mello lied easily.

"Well wait for me, I'll be down in a minute," Matt said as he disappeared up the stairs. Mello walked over to the chair and sat down. He tried to think of anything except Matt: how hideous the color of the walls were, how hungry he was becoming, how Matt was changing upstairs right now.

"No, I can't think about that," Mello said to himself. But the image would not go away. At this very moment Matt was probably pulling his shirt over his head, exposing his bare chest. He would probably grab the first shirt he found out of the duffle bag. After putting on his shirt and that vest that he always wears, he would slip his pants off. He would hook his thumbs under the elastic waistband of his boxers and…

"Okay, I'm ready," Matt said, bounding down the stairs. Mello jumped up from the chair.

"Took you long enough," Mello said, rushing to the door so that Matt would not see his flushed face. He left the house and quickly made his way to Matt's car. Normally, he would want to take his motorcycle, but there was no way he was going to have Matt pressed up against his back while he drove.

"What, no argument about who's driving today?" Matt said as he saw Mello head for the passenger's side. Mello opened the door and got in. Matt followed suit. "Are you okay? You're acting… kind of strange today."

"Don't be an idiot. Of course I'm fine. Just hurry up and start the car. I'm hungry."

"Whatever," Matt mumbled. He put the key in the ignition and started the car.

_He's right, I am acting weird. I have to try to act like I normally do._ Mello tried to relax, but all he succeeded in doing was shifting slightly into an equally tense position. _This isn't working, how can I relax when I keep thinking about… Dammit! I'm not gay. I can't be gay. I've slept with women before and I definitely enjoyed it._ He glanced over at Matt. _Why have I never noticed how attractive he is before?_

The car ride seemed to drag on for Mello. Too long, actually. "Matt, we're going the wrong way."

"What? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, we should have been there by now. The town isn't that far away." Mello took his cell phone out of his pocket and pulled up a map on the GPS. "We are definitely going the wrong way," he said, looking at the small map.

"Shit." Matt made a U-turn and started in the opposite direction.

_As if this wasn't awkward enough. Now it's going to take twice as long to get there. If only the radio wasn't broken. Matt can hack the president's computer, but he can't fix a car radio._ They continued along in silence.

After what seemed like a century, they finally came to the town. It was very small, but had quite a few shops and restaurants. Although his possible feelings for Matt were still a close second, Mello's hunger had finally taken primary concern. He was searching for a restaurant or diner that looked good when Matt pulled into a gas station.

"Matt, when I said I was hungry I meant I wanted to go someplace and eat, not pick up a bag of chips," Mello said, agitated.

"I know. I need to pick up some cigarettes. I told you last night I was out," Matt said as he got out of the car, "Are you coming in?" Mello sighed.

"Sure." Mello left the car and followed Matt in.

The doorbell jingled as they entered the small building. Matt went immediately to get his cigarettes while Mello looked around. He eventually reached the aisle which held the candy and found that they sold bars of dark chocolate. Not his favorite brand of course, but they would have to do; after all, he too was out of his addiction. He picked up the box and walked to the counter at the front of the store. Matt was waiting for him.

"You're getting a whole box?" Matt asked offhandedly. He knew that they wouldn't be leaving without all the dark chocolate the small store currently had.

"They're only 75 yen* each," Mello said as he reached the counter. The man behind the counter gave Mello a strange look, one of confusion and slight fear. Upon seeing the man's face Matt had to stifle his laughter. Mello paid for his purchases and they left.

"What the hell was that guy's problem?" Mello, clearly irritated, stepped into the car.

"He probably thought you're part of the yakuza,"* Matt clearly still found this funny, "And not only that, but you bought an entire box of chocolate bars. How many are even in there?"

Mello ignored his question. "Just hurry up and drive!"

"Okay, okay. Calm down." Matt started the car and pulled out of the gas station. He took out a cigarette and lit it.

"You couldn't wait?"

"Sorry," was all Matt said. They drove down the road in silence. "So where do you want to eat?" he finally asked.

"I don't care." Mello really didn't care at this point. This had been the first actual conversation they had had since they left the house, but Mello still didn't want to talk to Matt. He didn't even want to think about Matt. Every time he did, his mind wandered… _No! I can't keep thinking like this. I'm going to go insane._

"This looks good." Matt pulled into the parking lot for a small building with the words "Fujita Diner" across the front. Mello really wasn't in the mood for diner food, but he was so hungry that he didn't care at this point. They went in and sat down. A waitress brought them each a menu and asked what they would like to drink. Mello decided on just water, and Matt ordered a Coke; the waitress left.

Mello picked up his menu and used it to block Matt from his view. He tried desperately to concentrate on finding something to eat, but found this easier said than done. When Mello had finished glancing through the first column, he had to move to the top of the second, which made it very easy to peek over the top of the menu and across the table at Matt.

Mello sighed and returned his attention to the menu. _This is going to be a really long day._

A/N (part 2): So here are the very brief descriptions I promised.

1. 75 yen is about 75 cents

2. the yakuza are basically the Japanese mafia


	6. Chapter 6: Delivery

Chapter 6: Delivery

"I told you it would look stupid," Matt heard Mello say behind him.

"It does not look stupid; I kind of like it."

"Well I don't. We are not painting the living room this color."

They had spent the last day and a half taking care of various tasks that needed to be done before they could comfortably live in their new house. These included buying the house, getting the electricity, gas, and water turned on, cleaning up the interior, and picking out a new color for the living room. They had both agreed that the shade of light brown that had adorned the living room walls was hideous, but they had not been able to agree on a replacement color. Mello had picked out a deep red that Matt had claimed would blind him if he had to look at it everyday. Matt had chosen a simple, neutral taupe that Mello had said would put him to sleep.

So they had compromised. However, "compromising" had turned out to be Mello turning down every color Matt had suggested. Matt had finally gotten Mello to agree to the medium blue that he was currently applying to the walls.

"We are not going back to the store again. We must have gone there twenty times and we have only been living here for two days," Matt said as he put down the paint roller and turned to look at his blond friend. Mello took another bite out of the chocolate bar with a rather loud crunch.

"Stop exaggerating. We've been there four times."

"I don't care how many times it's been; I am not going there again. Now would you please go see if there is a ladder in that shed out back?"

"Fine, whatever, but I'm not helping you paint." Mello ate the last bite of the chocolate bar. He crushed the wrapper into a ball and threw it on the couch as he walked around it and to the door. He slammed the door behind him.

Matt sighed and started to paint again. He had thought that his wanting to kiss Mello had been a crazy thought brought on by his exhaustion, but ever since that night, he hadn't been able to get it out of his head.

_Even when he's acting like a jerk, I can't stay mad at him. I…I think I might be starting to have feelings for him…_ Matt had ceased to be shocked by thoughts such as these. Although this had been the first time that he had actually admitted to himself that he might like Mello, this type of thinking had plagued him since that night. _It doesn't matter. There is no way he feels the same way about me. I doubt he will even remember my birthday tomorrow._ Matt bent down to collect more paint on the roller.

Mello pushed open the door perhaps more violently than was necessary and entered the house, dragging the ladder in with him. He sat the ladder up and slammed the door shut.

"There, happy? Here's the ladder," he said, still clearly mad.

"I would be _more_ happy if you would help me paint." Matt glanced over his shoulder; Mello was glaring at him. "Please?" he offered.

"Fine! If it's that important to you." Mello grabbed the side of the ladder and dragged it to the far wall. He walked over to where Matt had the paint. He took a paint tray and poured some of the blue colored liquid into it so haphazardly that, although Matt had laid sheets and newspaper out on the floor, he was worried that he might spill it. Mello grabbed a paint roller and moved back over to where he had sat up the ladder.

Matt couldn't believe that Mello had actually agreed to help. _What does he mean by if it's that important to me? Mello normally only cares about what's important to Mello. Then again, he has been being more considerate recently… at least, a little bit more considerate._ Matt had been surprised when he had woken up covered with a blanket after the first night they had slept there. He knew that he didn't get the blanket before he had fallen asleep on the couch so that would mean that Mello must have gotten it for him. Mello typically wasn't that thoughtful… or nurturing.

Matt looked over at Mello who was painting the very top of the wall by the ceiling. His raised elevation from standing on the ladder and the angle he was positioned at gave Matt a perfect view of Mello's butt.

_Damn, he's got a nice ass._ At this point, Matt was blatantly staring. _But those pants are so tight. How does he even move in them… or produce sperm…_ Mello, feeling Matt watch him, turned around.

"Is there a reason why you're watching me do all the work?" Matt hesitated. He couldn't think of a reasonable response.

"…How can you wear such tight pants?" Mello looked at him, dumbfounded, as if it were obvious.

"Because I look hot in them." Matt blushed slightly; he couldn't disagree. He looked down at his own clothes which contrasted sharply with Mello's. Matt was wearing an old pair of loose fitting jeans and a black and white striped sweater which was clearly too big for him. He didn't see the need to wear anything uncomfortable, especially not at home. Mello, however, was dressed like he always was.

_Is it possible…that he's wearing those pants because he wants to look good…for me?_ He couldn't ask Mello this, but instead went with, "But the only one here is me."

"So?" Mello spat out as he turned back to the wall and continued painting. Matt was glad that Mello did because the light pink tint that had covered his cheeks had changed to scarlet.

_Maybe…could it be possible?_ He refused to let himself fully believe that Mello could be dressed up for him.

He went back to painting, but this thought wouldn't leave his mind. _Maybe… he likes me too?_ But Matt decided it was best not to be too optimistic, after all, he knew that Mello had been with quite a few women, probably more than he knew about.

Suddenly Matt realized just how silent the room was. He briefly considered going upstairs to his room and bringing down his laptop to play music but decided that the only thing that would be accomplished was an argument over what music they should listen to. The doorbell broke the oppressive silence

Matt and Mello looked at each other. _Who could be at the door? No one knows we live here,_ Matt wondered. He went to go get the door.

Mello suddenly hurried down the ladder, accidentally dropping the paint roller and splattering blue paint across the newspaper that was laid out under him. He ran across the room, climbing over the couch that sat in his way rather than going around. He rushed past Matt and threw the door open. A delivery man stood on the other side of the door holding a clipboard in one hand and a box under his other arm. Mello took the clipboard, signed it, gave it back, and grabbed the box, all before the delivery man could get out a single word. He slammed the door in the man's face and started for the stairs.

"Hey, Mello, what is that?" Matt called to Mello as he saw him disappear up the stairs. Mello neglected to respond. _Okay, so he's been acting a little strange since we have got here, but this is ridiculous._ He started up the stairs.

Mello suddenly came into view and practically ran down the stairs. When he reached Matt, he grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around to guide him, quite forcefully, back down the stairs.

"What the hell, Mello!" Matt was becoming very annoyed by Mello's odd behavior.

"It's nothing. Just forget about it." Matt stepped away from Mello as they reached the bottom of the stairs, freeing himself from Mello's grip.

"It's not nothing. Why are you receiving secret deliveries? Are you with the Mafia again?"

"What? No, of course not!" Mello yelled. He appeared offended that Matt would even think that.

"Well, what do you want me to think! Someone brings a box to a house no one is supposed to know we are living in and you won't tell me what it is!" The volume of Matt's voice had gradually risen and he was now practically yelling.

"I'm not part of the fucking Mafia, Matt! Just drop it!" Knowing that he wasn't going to get anything out of him, Matt started walking back to where he had left off painting.

"Whatever," he mumbled, but as soon as Mello had gone back to painting, he started running for the stairs. Mello saw what he was planning to do instantly and ran to intercept him. He reached the stairs seconds before Matt did, blocking his way.

"Matt, stop it!" Mello said, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him slightly. "If it's that important for you to know, I'll tell you." He paused before continuing. "It's a surprise." Matt stared at him.

"A…surprise?" He hadn't really known what to expect when Mello had said that he would tell him, but he hadn't expected the response he was given. He was also somewhat distracted by the fact that Mello's face was very close to his; his lips mere inches from his own.

"Yeah…for your birthday tomorrow."

"You remembered my birthday?"

"Of course I remembered your birthday," Mello said, almost sweetly. Matt stared into Mello's blue eyes. His heart pounded against his ribcage.

_Oh my God, what should I do? I want to kiss him, but…what if he doesn't like me…?_ Deciding not to, he looked away, hoping Mello wouldn't see him blush. "So…um…what did you get me?" Matt asked weakly. Mello started back towards the ladder. Matt thought that he saw him blush.

"I can't tell you; you'll just have to until tomorrow," Mello mumbled. Matt watched as his friend walked away from him, wishing desperately that they were more than friends.

Matt went back to painting. _Was he blushing too?_ A small smile crept to his lips. _Maybe he likes me too._


	7. Chapter 7: Revelations

Author's Note: Okay, so, this chapter is really long compared to the other chapters I have written so if you want to read it all at once but are short on time, just keep that in mind. Also, to anyone who is interested, I'm planning on writing a MattXMello Halloween oneshot so make sure to take a look at that. I will be writing that next so don't expect chapter 8 for a little while.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of its characters or Nintendo or Hot Pockets brand or basically anything else I mention.

* * *

Chapter 7: Revelations

Mello stood in the kitchen with a box of pancake mix in hand staring at the directions on the back with slight apprehension. Although the instructions made it seem simple enough, he had never tried to cook before, unless toast counted. He had gone to the store a few days before to buy all the ingredients. He had convinced Matt that he should stay home and clean up the house more by saying that there was no reason why they both needed to go to the store. Matt had complained that Mello just didn't want to help clean the house, but he had something else in mind.

Mello wanted to surprise Matt with a breakfast of pancakes for his birthday. They had been surviving on mainly instant ramen and Hot Pockets since they had arrived, so Mello knew that Matt would appreciate any sort of variety in meals that he could offer. He had chosen pancakes, specifically pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream, for breakfast and spaghetti for dinner, two of Matt's favorites. He wanted to makes Matt's birthday as perfect as possible.

So he had set his alarm so that he would have enough time to make breakfast before Matt woke up. Now he stood in the kitchen, getting ready to try to cook for the first time in his life and thinking that maybe he should have gotten up about an hour earlier.

_Well, I suppose I should get started_, Mello thought, looking down at the ingredients laid out on the counter. He measured out the pancake mix and dumped it into a large mixing bowl; he then added the milk. The box instructed him to add two eggs next. He stared at the eggs wondering how he was going to get the inside of the egg into the bowl without the shell. He picked up an egg and tried to crack it on the edge of the bowl like had had seen other people do.

His first attempt he had hit it too hard, leaving the egg to fall from the edge of the bowl to land on the counter. His second attempt he managed to get the egg into the bowl; however, part of the shell followed the egg in.

"Shit," he mumbled as the eggshell landed in the bowl. He picked it out and wiped it off his hand on the edge of the counter. After getting another egg into the bowl and mixing the ingredients together, he started actually making the pancakes in the frying pan.

When he thought the first one was done, he scooped it out with a spatula and tossed it onto a plate. The pancake fell in half as it hit the surface of the plate. He looked at it, getting frustrated. _This doesn't look anything like the picture on the box._ He took out a fork and tasted it. Luckily it didn't taste nearly as bad as it looked.

• • •

Mello laid the last pancake on top of the mound and sat the plate on the table. As he went to the refrigerator to get the whipped cream and strawberries, he heard Matt enter the kitchen.

"Good morning," he yawned. Matt stopped abruptly. He looked at Mello in surprise. "What the hell did you do to the kitchen?" By the time Mello had finished the pancakes, the kitchen was in total disarray: pancake mix and batter was spilled on the counter and floor, milk was dripping from the edge of the counter, and Mello had neglected to pick up the egg he had dropped.

"What does it look like I did? Obviously I made breakfast," Mello said, sitting the whipped cream and strawberries on the table and motioning to the stack of pancakes. "Happy birthday," he finished, annoyed by Matt's lack of enthusiasm. Matt walked to the table hesitantly.

"Thank you, but I'm pretty sure making pancakes shouldn't destroy the kitchen." Mello sat down across from him.

"I doubt you could do any better." He looked over the stack of pancakes at his friend. _Damn, why does he look sad? I don't think I said anything to offend him._

"Well you have your choice of burnt, lumpy, or falling apart," Mello said jokingly, trying to distract Matt from whatever was wrong. Matt took three pancakes to start and piled them up with whipped cream and strawberries. Mello took his less willingly, wishing he would have remembered to buy some chocolate chips to put in his.

Breakfast continued in silence, a silence that had Mello worried. _Why is he so quiet? _Mello looked up from his pancakes; Matt seemed to be enjoying his breakfast, but Mello still worried. _If he was happy, he would be more talkative, right?_ Mello was about to say something when Matt cleared his throat.

"They're actually really good. A lot better than they look."

"But…?" Mello questioned, waiting for Matt to continue with what was wrong with them.

"But nothing. Is their something wrong? It's not like you to not willingly accept a compliment."

"What do you mean 'is there something wrong'? You're the one acting depressed for no reason!" Mello regretted saying these words as soon as they left his mouth. If Matt didn't seem sad before, he certainly did now. "Never mind. Forget I said anything." They continued eating in silence.

By the time Matt got up from the table, his mood had improved some. "So when do I get to see this 'surprise' you sent for in the mail?"

"I suppose now." Mello got up and tossed his plate in the sink before going up to his bedroom to get the box. He had planned on making Matt wait until after dinner but decided now would be a better time since it should cheer him up.

When he reentered the kitchen, Matt was cleaning up the mess Mello had left. "Stop that. It's your birthday, I'll clean that up. Besides, I'm the one who made that mess." Matt started towards the table.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Mello looked at Matt as if he had gone insane.

"It's your birthday."

"So? Remember when I turned twelve and you insisted on going on an 'adventure' in the woods behind Whammy's? We got lost and nearly froze to death."

"In my defense, that was intended to be fun, I hadn't planned on getting lost. Besides, I've matured since then."

"You have?" Matt said sarcastically, giving Mello a questioning look.

"Just shut up and open your present." Matt took it from him and looked at it. Mello had clearly tried to wrap it but failed miserably; parts of the wrapping paper were torn and the parts that were taped together were done so poorly.

"You wrapped it and then what, ran it through a paper shredder?"

"You're going to rip the paper off anyway, what does it matter?"

"I suppose it doesn't matter, I'm just saying a two year old could have done a better job," Matt said as he tore the red wrapping paper from the box. He grabbed a knife out of one of the kitchen drawers and sliced the tape that held the brown box shut. He pulled out a small piece of paper. "Why is there a card in here from Near that says 'You're welcome'?"

"Stupid bastard just had to put that in there, didn't he," Mello exclaimed angrily. He sighed. "I needed help getting your present and since the only person I could talk to without getting us arrested was Near, I had to ask him." Mello looked disgusted as he said the last part. Matt looked shocked when he heard this. "He also said that he would keep the police away from the area if they came looking for us."

"You asked Near for help? How important is this present?" Matt started digging through the packing peanuts but stopped suddenly when he reached his gift. It was his old NES along with all his games for it. He had only been able to take his PSP with him when he had left Whammy's to help Mello. With how things had turned out, he thought that he would never be able to go back for any of this other video games. Matt looked up from his gift at Mello.

_Shit. Why does he look like he's about to cry? This was supposed to make him happy._ Matt suddenly put the box on the table and got up. He placed his arms around Mello and hugged him. Mello, dumbfounded, cautiously returned the hug.

"You have no idea how important this is to me," Matt whispered. Mello could feel his face start to turn red for the lengthy embrace so when Matt released him he quickly turned around and started cleaning up the kitchen.

"D-don't you want to play that thing?" _Great. Why the fuck did I stammer? it is such a dead giveaway. I might as well be wearing a sign on my forehead that says, "Matt, I think I'm in love with you."_

"You're offering to play video games with me? I thought you said they were a waste of time," Matt said, getting up.

"They are a waste of time, but if you want to waste your birthday playing video games, I guess I'll help you." Mello finished cleaning and headed for the living room; Matt followed him, NES in hand. Mello sat down on the couch as Matt started to connect his prized video game consol to the TV.

"How about Super Mario Bros. 3?" Matt said, digging thought the box.

"Sure," Mello said, not exactly sure what that was or how to play it. He had heard of Super Mario Bros. before but had never actually played one of the games.

"Do you want to be Mario or Luigi?" Matt asked, offering the controllers to his friend as he sat down on the couch next to him.

"It doesn't matter." Matt gave him the player two controller.

Mello had figured that the game couldn't be too hard; he was wrong. Matt, however, seemed to be enjoying himself. To Mello's disbelief, he got though almost all the levels first try. Only later in the day when they reached the more difficult worlds did he have a little trouble. But even then, he did quite wonderfully, especially from Mello's point of view, since he could only stay alive for about ten seconds into a level at this point.

Mello heard Matt's stomach growl. "Do you want me to make dinner now?" he offered.

"You're going to make dinner too?" Matt said, pausing the game to look over at Mello in shock.

"Yeah, unless you want a Hot Pocket for dinner again." Mello got up and headed for the kitchen.

"What about the game?" Matt called to Mello as he saw him disappear into the kitchen.

"It doesn't matter. I can't do anything in that game anyway. You go ahead and keep playing though." Mello started looking for a large pot he could cook the spaghetti in. When he found one, he filled it with water and put it on the stove to boil. "Do we have any salt?" Mello yelled in the direction of the living room. The box of spaghetti said to salt the water, but he couldn't seem to find any.

"I don't think we have any sort of seasonings at all. At least, I didn't buy any, but I'm not the one who has been making secret shopping trips," Matt said without looking away from the TV screen.

_Whatever. Water should be able to boil without salt._ He leaned against the table to wait for the water to boil but soon became impatient. He walked back to the living room. "Matt, how long is it supposed to take for water to boil?"

"How much water are you talking about?"

"A lot."

"Then a long time." Mello decided to watch Matt play video games while he waited; there was nothing better to do.

When the water finally came to a boil, he opened the box of spaghetti and dumped it into the water. He took a wooden spoon and tried to force the ridged sticks of pasta further into the water so that they would be fully covered.

"What are you doing?" Matt had entered the kitchen to get a glass of water. He stood at the entryway to the kitchen watching Mello beat furiously at the stubborn spaghetti. Mello stopped immediately when he heard Matt's voice.

"They won't go down," Mello said, frustrated, as he turned around.

"So wait for the water to soften the ends that are in the water. Then you can push the rest down in." Matt continued to the sink and filled a glass with water. "Haven't you ever cooked spaghetti before?"

"I've never cooked anything before today. Have you _ever_ seen me cook?"

"I'll have to teach you how to cook then." Matt took a sip of water but stopped when he realized what he had just volunteered to do.

"Since when do you know how to cook?"

"Since always," Matt ventured reluctantly.

"Then why have we been eating nothing but Hot Pockets and ramen for days?" Mello said harshly, neglecting to notice Matt's sudden discomfort.

"I…don't like cooking…," Matt's voice was little more than a whisper. Mello finally noticed Matt's slightly pained expression.

"…Um…is something wrong?"

"…It's just…before I came to Whammy's…I would always cook dinner with my mother…one of the earliest memories I have is of cooking with her." Matt looked like he was about to start crying. Mello was very hesitant to say anything; he was very good at saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and didn't want to make things worse. He realized the difficulty of the subject they had stumbled upon; they never spoke about their lives before Whammy's. It was sort of an unspoken pact between them, neither one of them was ever to bring it up.

"We don't have to talk about it…if you don't want to," Mello said softly.

"No, I…I will teach you to cook…After all, we can't live on Hot Pockets and instant ramen for the rest of our lives." Matt offered a weak smile that only made Mello more worried. Matt started to leave the room. "You know you have to stir that right?" he said, pointing to the pan of pasta.

"What? Oh, yeah." Mello rushed to try to break apart the clumps of pasta that were starting to stick to the bottom of the pan; he had completely forgotten about making dinner. _Wow, some friend I am. I try to make today perfect for Matt and I almost make him cry_, Mello thought as he got out a pan to heat the jar of meat sauce in.

Once the pasta had finished cooking, he ran into a small problem: he didn't know how to get the pasta out of the waster. He was about to go into the living room to ask Matt but hesitated. It seemed like everything he had said that day had hurt Matt in some way. He finally convinced himself that if they were going to eat, he would have to ask him. He peeked his head around the corner; Matt had gone back to playing video games.

"Hey, how am I supposed to get the spaghetti out of the water?"

"Get a colander," Matt said as he continued staring at the TV.

"A…what?" Matt paused the game and started to get up.

"Here, I'll find one for you." He walked into the kitchen and started searching though the cupboards. He found a colander and handed it to Mello who took it and waked to the sink.

"I thought this was called a strainer," he said as he poured the pasta into the colander.

"No, that's something else." Matt started setting the table.

"What are you doing? I thought I told you that you didn't have to do any work today. Now sit down." Matt put the plates down on the table and looked over at Mello who was redepositing the spaghetti into the pan. He poured the sauce over it and started stirring. Matt looked over at Mello, a little annoyed, but sat down. Mello brought the pan to the table and was about to place it on the table.

"No, wait! You're going to burn the table." Matt got up to look for a hot pad. He found one quickly and tossed it onto the table.

"Is there anything else I need to know before I destroy the kitchen?" Mello said in a sarcastic tone.

"Nope." Matt sat back down and watched Mello finish setting the table. He served Matt some spaghetti before sitting down and putting some on his own plate.

"It's good," Matt said, not too convincingly.

"Don't lie," Mello said. He took a bite of it. "It's mediocre at best. I'm sure you've… had better." He almost made the mistake of saying "I'm sure you've made better" but stopped himself before he did so.

"Yeah, well… It's not bad, it's just not great." They fell into silence.

_What the hell! Why is he so quiet?_ Mello tried to think of something to say but nothing came to mind.

He had bought a bottle of vodka to celebrate and had originally planned on bringing it out later but decided now might be a better time. He got up and left without saying anything to Matt.

"Where are you going?" he heard Matt say but continued into the living room and up the stairs. He got the bottle from his room and went back to the kitchen.

"Happy birthday! You're twenty; you can legally drink in Japan." Mello sat the bottle on the table and got out two glasses. Mello poured some into a glass and handed it to him.

"Thanks," Matt said apprehensively. Mello secretly hoped that Matt wouldn't be able to hold his liquor.

Mello had made a plan. He would kiss Matt and see how he reacted. He needed both of them to get drunk; well, he needed Matt to get drunk, he knew that with the amount he would be drinking that the wouldn't be. However, he could blame it on being drunk if Matt didn't respond well.

So two hours later dinner had been finished and the bottle of vodka was empty. They were sitting on the couch together. Matt had insisted on playing more video games, but now it was evident that his reflexes were impaired by the way he was playing.

Mello could feel his heartbeat quicken; he was very rarely nervous and wasn't quite sure how to handle the effects of his apprehension so he simply tried to ignore them. Mello paused the game.

"Matt," Mello said quietly. Matt turned to look at him.

"Wha-," Matt started. Mello gave him a quick kiss on the lips. When Mello pulled away he saw the confused look that spread across Matt's face.

_Great, now he' going to hate me. At least I can blame it on being drunk._

Matt suddenly leaned forward and kissed him. Mello kissed back passionately and without restraint. When Matt parted his lips slightly, Mello seized the opportunity and forced his tongue into Matt's mouth. Matt was hesitant at first but soon worked his tongue with just as much passion as Mello had started with.

Mello's left hand reached up to tangle in Matt's hair. He slowly leaned Matt down onto the couch so that he was lying on top of him. He reached down and slid his right hand under the edge of Matt's shirt, starting to pull it up to take it off. Matt broke the kiss and turned his head away.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Matt said in a worried tone. Mello looked down at him; Matt's face blushed a scarlet that rivaled the color of his hair.

"I'm sorry. I…I shouldn't have done that…," Mello said as he sat up. He wiped off his mouth with the back of his hand and looked over at Matt whose expression was still one of shock. Mello hated himself at that moment. "I'm really sorry…"

"No. It's, um, fine. It's just, I was, um, surprised, and I've never-." Matt stopped suddenly, his blush deepening.

"What?" Mello said, questioning but not prying.

"It's just…I'm…" Matt stopped again, looking very uncomfortable.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No, maybe, you should probably know. I'm…," he hesitated again. "I'm still a virgin," he said quietly. This had Mello a little worried.

_That means I'm going to have to be very gentle with him. I don't know if I can restrain myself that much._ Making sure not to reveal his concern, Mello looked over at Matt. "It's fine. We can take things slowly."

"Thanks," Matt said, his face still glowing red. He looked down at the floor awkwardly and then back up to Mello. He laid his head down on Mello's shoulder and unpaused the game.


	8. Chapter 8: Snow

Author's Note: I'd like to start my saying that I'm sorry that it took so long to update. This is what happens when I try to write two things simultaneously. But I managed to get my Halloween oneshot posted by Halloween and here is chapter 8 only a couple days later so I suppose I didn't do too badly. Anyway, please enjoy Matt's utterly cute awkwardness!

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Chapter 8: Snow

Matt woke up slowly, enjoying the warmth of the blankets that enveloped him. He rolled over, away from the light that peeked around the shades that covered the window.

Events of the previous day started to pass through his mind: the pancakes, his gift, dinner, the kiss… Matt opened his eyes, suddenly wide awake. He tried to remember as much as possible, but the events after dinner were a little fuzzy.

_We had dinner and Mello brought out a bottle of vodka…and we played video games…and we kissed…is that all we did…?_ He couldn't really remember anything about it, which worried him. _What if he only kissed me because he was drunk?_ Matt tried desperately to remember any little detail but only succeeded in making his head hurt.

He reluctantly stepped out of bed, his bare feet hitting the cold hardwood floor. Matt didn't want to get up or face Mello, but he couldn't hide in bed all day. He slowly made his way to the door and turned the door knob; he peeked his head out. Mello's door was open which meant that he was awake. He briefly considered going back to his bed but decided that he would have to face Mello eventually anyway. He went down the hall and descended the stairs, trying to be quiet.

_This is my house too. Why am I sneaking around?_ But Matt already knew the answer to this: he was doing everything he could do to postpone seeing Mello.

When he got to the bottom of the stairs, Matt heard a sound come from the kitchen. Matt willed himself in the direction of the sound, but his body would not cooperate. It was not exactly that he didn't want to see Mello; it was just that he wasn't sure how to act, especially since he wasn't sure exactly what had happened last night. _What if we did something…that I would regret?_ He decided it would be best not to think about it and started walking towards the kitchen.

Mello was pouring himself a cup of coffee. "Good morning," Mello said, uncharacteristically cheerful, as he broke off a piece of chocolate and dropped it into the coffee, stirring it in with a teaspoon.

"You're…awfully happy today."

"Why shouldn't I be?" Mello took a sip of the coffee. "Do you want some?" he asked, motioning to the pot of coffee.

"Um…sure." He took a cup out and poured some into it. Matt took a small sip of the coffee. "Fuck!" The coffee had burned his tongue and the roof of his mouth.

"Maybe later." Matt looked over at Mello who was calmly drinking his coffee.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing," Mello responded, not even bothering to look at Matt.

_I must have misheard him._ Matt sat down at the table across from Mello.

"So, did you enjoy your birthday?" Mello looked over at Matt.

"Um…yeah…" He refused to make eye contact. Having finished his coffee, Mello got up from the table and headed towards the living room. Matt was glad when Mello got up; he wasn't quite sure what to say to him and didn't particularly enjoy what he perceived as awkwardness. However, Mello's apparent path to the living room led him to stand right behind Matt. To his surprise, Mello suddenly leaned down and was hugging him from behind.

"Just so you know, I remember last night, and by how nervous you are acting, I would imagine you do too." Mello's voice, almost seductive, made Matt even more nervous. Before Matt could say anything, Mello kissed him on the cheek and released him. This time, he actually went to the living room. "I'm going to go get ready. We're going out today."

"No, wait, what?" Matt clumsily got up from the table and hurried to catch up with Mello. "How much of last night do you remember?"

"All of it." Mello started up the stairs.

"So, um…what exactly did we, um, do?"

"I kissed you, you kissed me, I started to take your shirt off, you told me to stop and that you are a virgin." Matt blushed; the nonchalant manner in which Mello said this made it worse.

"So…then, what does this mean?" he asked hesitantly, seeking confirmation. Matt found it hard to believe that he could be lucky enough for Mello to actually reciprocate his feelings.

"Isn't it obvious? I want you to be my boyfriend, that is, unless you have any objections." His voice was cocky.

_Why does he even bother to say that when he already knows the answer?_ Regardless of the fact that Matt wanted the same thing very much, he worried about saying it out loud. "No, I, um, want that too."

"Now that we have that settled, I'm going to take a shower. Unless you want to join me, you should probably leave." With this, Matt realized that he had followed Mello into the bathroom.

"No, um, that's alright," he said, quickly leaving the bathroom and shutting the door behind him. Matt went to his room and got his PSP. He laid down on his bed and turned it on. His goal was to try to get his mind off of Mello, but his thoughts quickly stated to wander. Soon Mello was all he could think of, specifically Mello in the shower across the hall.

Matt heard the shower turn off. He waited a couple minutes before getting up and going across the hall to the bathroom. He knocked on the door reluctantly. "Are you done yet?"

"Sure." Matt opened the door and saw Mello standing in front of the sink with only a towel wrapped around his waist, brushing his teeth. The blush that had finally started to subside made itself present again.

"Um…I need to take a shower."

"Go ahead," Mello said, continuing to brush his teeth.

"Could you, um, leave?" Matt's voice was slightly uncertain.

"I suppose." Mello rinsed his mouth and put his toothbrush back in the medicine cabinet above the sink. He leisurely strolled out of the bathroom, obviously in no hurry. Matt shut the door as soon as Mello left and leaned against it.

_Is this what I really want?_ He had been thinking about confessing his feelings to Mello since he had started having them, but now that Mello knew, Matt was in a perpetual nervous state. _And where does he think we are going to go? I don't even feel like going out today_, he thought as he stripped his clothes off and stepped into the shower.

By the time he shut off the shower, he had decided that he needed to put aside his apprehension and tell Mello that he didn't want to go anywhere. He grabbed a towel out of a storage cabinet and dried his hair with it. He wiped the excess moisture from his body before changing into the clothes he had brought into the bathroom. Unlike Mello, he was not comfortable with walking around in only a towel.

Matt left the bathroom cautiously, half expecting Mello to still be wearing only a towel. However, he found Mello fully clothed in his room looking at a map of the area. Matt knocked lightly on the door, which already stood slightly ajar, before entering. Hearing the knock, Mello looked up from the map which lay out on his bed.

"Um, I don't really want to go out today…," Matt started. It wasn't so much that he didn't want to go out as he was afraid of what Mello might do in public now that they were a couple. For a moment, Mello looked annoyed, but his features soon softened.

"Okay," he sighed, "If that's what you want." Mello paused.

_I can't believe how easy that was. Normally, we would have argued about it and he would have probably ended up making me go._

"But I still want to make today special for you." Mello got up from the bed. "After all, today is the first day we are together as a couple," he said, walking towards Matt. Mello took Matt's hands in his own and kissed him softly. Matt could feel heat rise to his cheeks. "So what do you want to do?" Mello's intense gaze made Matt blush even deeper

"Um…" He broke eye contact and looked over Mello's shoulder and out the window. He was surprised by the large quantity of snow that covered the ground. In his preoccupation, he had not taken notice to the fact that it had snowed a great deal the night before. It reminded him of the last time he had built a snowman.

It had been the winter before Mello left Whammy's. Every year since Matt had come to the orphanage, he and Mello had built a snowman. It had been their tradition, and so after Mello left, Matt could never bring himself to make one. "Let's build a snowman." Matt brought his gaze back over to meet Mello's. His face revealed a look of confusion which was quickly followed by one of understanding.

"I suppose we should," Mello said with a small smile. "I did deprive you of five years of snowman building." Mello started to lead Matt out of his room and down the stairs. "I'm sorry I left." Matt was surprised at his sudden apology. This was the first time that Mello had spoken of his leaving Whammy's.

"It's…fine," Matt said, pulling on his left boot.

"No, it's not. I should have at least told you that I was leaving." Matt looked up at Mello from the floor as he pulled on his other boot.

"It doesn't matter anymore. I'm just happy that I get to spend time with you now." Mello smiled down at Matt as he zipped up his coat.

When they were sufficiently dressed so as to not freeze outside, they stepped out into the snow. Mello started immediately on the base of a snowman. "I'm going to make a Matt snowman," he said, glancing up to see Matt starting to roll another already immense snowball. Matt was reminded of years ago when they were kids; that was the last time he had seen Mello so carefree.

Once Matt had finished and stacked the three snowballs, he found some small stones; he used two for eyes and made a string of them for a mouth. "Can I borrow your rosary?" Matt looked over at Mello and saw that the snowman he was building was also nearing completion.

"Sure," he said, pulling the rosary over his head and tossing it to Matt, "If I can have your goggles." Matt handed his goggles to Mello with slight hesitation.

Matt finished the Mello snowman off by etching out a scar around its left eye. He looked over at the Matt snowman which was wearing goggles and had a small stick cigarette in its mouth. Mello completed it with two stick arms. Matt snowman and Mello snowman stood hand in hand facing their real life counterparts.

Matt noticed Mello stepped back a few paces. He didn't think much about it until a snowball hit him in the back of his head. He turned around to see Mello simply standing there, pretending to look innocent.

Matt bent down to form a snowball and Mello took off running. Matt started chasing after him, but just as he threw the snowball, Mello ducked down to collect some snow.

Matt hadn't felt so lighthearted, so carefree since before Mello had left Whammy's. He felt like a kid again as, this time, it was his turn to run away from the snowball that Mello carried in his hand.

Matt was trying to find an opportune moment to stop to make another snowball when he lost his footing and slipped, landing flat on his back. Mello rushed over to him. "Are you okay?" Matt looked up at Mello, who was clearly very worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Mello offered Matt his hand to help pull him to his feet. Matt took it, but as he stepped down on his right foot, he winced.

"Did you sprain your ankle?" Mello asked, noticing Matt's pained expression.

"I must have." Matt tried to put some of his weight on it, but it was too painful.

"Don't, you'll make it worse," Mello said as he saw Matt attempt to stand on it. Without warning, Mello picked him up and started carrying him, bridal style, across the front lawn.

"What are you doing?"

"Helping you." Mello's voice strained from the effort required to support Matt's weight. After the shock of being suddenly picked up wore off, Matt found that he enjoyed Mello carrying him.

To Matt, they came to the door far too quickly. Mello managed to open the door without putting Matt down. Once inside, he laid Matt down on the couch.

"Do you want me to get you anything?" Mello asked as he took off his coat.

_I want you to hold me in your arms again_, he thought, but instead only said, "Could you get me a glass of water?"

"Sure." Mello turned around and started for the kitchen. Matt watched as his friend left the room.

_No, he's more than a friend now; he's my boyfriend._ His heart fluttered at this thought. A small smile came to Matt's lips as he waited for his boyfriend to return.


	9. Chapter 9: Names

Chapter 9: Names

Mello picked up the menu and started scanning through his options. He read through the small print halfheartedly as he had something else on his mind: the nervous redhead sitting across the table from him. Every few seconds Matt would look up from the menu and glance around to see if anyone was looking at them.

They had officially been together now for a week and this was the first time Matt had allowed him and Mello to go out in public together. To start, they couldn't go out because of Matt's ankle, but it healed quickly, leaving him without an excuse. Mello wasn't quite sure what Matt thought was going to happen, but every time they had to leave the house for something, Matt permitted only one of them to go.

When Matt had decided to go pick up something for them to eat one day, Mello had insisted on tagging along to see what he would do. At the last minute, he had made up some excuse about doing laundry. Mello ended up going alone.

So when Mello finally decided they should get out of the house and do something, he opened with something Matt couldn't refuse, at least not without explaining why. "We should go out to dinner to celebrate our one week anniversary," Mello had said the night before.

"We don't have to…," Matt had responded weakly.

"No, but we should. We haven't been out on a date yet." Matt stiffened at the word "date."

"I don't want to," he had said bluntly, obviously not wanting to talk about it. But with this, Mello had him trapped.

"Why not?"

"I…I…," he had clearly been stalling but gave up when he couldn't think of a reasonable lie. "I'm afraid you might…do something." Mello stared at him for a moment, dumbfounded.

"What do you think is going to happen? Do you think that as soon as we step out of the house I'm going to be like, 'I can't take it any longer; I need to fuck you _right now_!'?" Mello's voice had been mocking and over dramatic, making Matt blush.

"No, not…exactly like that," Matt had replied, clearly very embarrassed. Mello had assured him that he wouldn't "do anything" and so there they were, sitting in a restaurant.

Thinking back on it, Mello was somewhat offended. Although it was true that he had been trying to move the physical side of their relationship along, it was only because Matt wouldn't do anything but kiss. The only time they had even made out was the night of Matt's birthday, but, in Mello's mind, that didn't count since Matt was drunk and couldn't really remember it.

Mello understood that Matt wanted to take things slowly, but this was ridiculous. He had promised himself that he wouldn't force Matt into anything and that he would wait for Matt to be ready, but he couldn't promises that he would wait _patiently_. Honestly, Mello thought that he was doing rather well given the fact that, at times, he simply wanted to ravage Matt.

Mello looked over the top of the menu at Matt again; he was still nervously glancing around. "What the hell is your problem?" he questioned, trying to stay quiet as to not attract the attention of the other restaurant patrons but still in a tone that accurately conveyed his annoyance. Matt looked at him, surprised.

"Does it look like any of the other people here know we are on a date?"

"Is that what you're worried about, what everyone else thinks? It doesn't matter, Mattie, and even if it did, no one is looking at us," Mello said, trying to sound reassuring.

Truthfully, there was an old couple at the table next to theirs that was giving them some strange looks. Thankfully, however, their table was behind Matt so he would have to completely turn around to see them. _Besides, they are probably offended by the fact that I'm wearing leather pants in a fancy restaurant rather than the idea of me and Matt on a date._

Just then, the waitress came back to take their order. Mello actually hadn't put much thought into what he wanted to eat, and so, when the waitress asked him what he wanted, he picked the first thing he saw which happened to be steak. Matt ordered chicken.

With the waitress now gone, Mello continued. "You really shouldn't worry so much. Besides, haven't you ever done this kind of thing before?"

"Yeah, once, but not with another guy." His tone was defensive.

"Wait, only once?" Mello asked, surprised, "With who?" He knew that Matt had never dated anyone when he was still at Whammy's, but Mello assumed that he had after he had left.

"Linda, but it only lasted about a week." Mello tried to remember who Linda was.

_Right, that artist chick from Whammy's. She was a year younger than us._ With this, the second part of Matt's sentence registered. "So you're telling me that you've only been in a relationship for one week in your life?"

"Two weeks now," Matt corrected timidly. Mello was shocked; he knew that Matt wasn't very good with the opposite sex, but still.

"So how far did you go?" Matt blushed a dark rouge, possibly from the question, possibly because the waitress had chosen this exact moment to come back with their food and had probably overheard. He waited for her to leave before responding.

"All we did was kiss."

_Wow, that explains a lot._ Mello took a bite of his steak. He was surprised by how good it was; people had a tendency of overcooking his steak when he asked for it medium-rare. "What else happened at Whammy's after I left?"

"Nothing much." Matt took a bite of his chicken.

"I was gone for five years and you're telling me nothing happened?"

"Things were…boring after you left. Everyday I'd get up, do any school work I had to, play some video games, and go to bed. A couple times a day I'd sneak out to smoke. Nothing really exciting ever happened." Mello noticed a definite change in Matt's voice as he spoke; he had gone from undeniably embarrassed from talking about Linda to almost remorseful. But Mello had one more question that he needed to ask, one that he had asked once before when they had first been reunited.

"Why did you start smoking?"

"I still can't tell you that." Perceiving that, for whatever reason, this was a touchy subject for Matt, Mello decided to give it up for the time being.

He used the time it took to chew and swallow another bite of steak to try to think of another topic. However, this amount of time proved to be insufficient and when he felt that he could no longer stall without creating an awkward silence, Mello tried, "So you and Linda. How did that happen?" Mello wanted to take back those words as soon as they left his lips. _Great. Talking about old girlfriends has got to be the worst conversation possible for a date._

"Um, well, it wasn't too long after you left. I think she felt sorry for me since my best friend had just left without saying goodbye." He spoke in a tone which held no malice and even almost no emotion; he was just stating a fact. Matt paused for a moment before continuing. "Anyway, we started hanging out together more, and I don't know, it just sort of happened."

A minute passed and Mello worried that he had led their conversation to its death. He felt the silence press in on them, making him nervous. The matter was made worse by the fact that the old couple at the table next to theirs was now openly talking about them.

Feeling the need to prevent Matt from overhearing their conversation as well as wanting to mask his anxiety, for even Matt was not allowed the luxury of seeing Mello as anything but confident, Mello commenced with something he had planned for an opportune moment that had never presented itself.

"There is something I want you to know."

"What?" Matt looked up from his plate at Mello in surprise. He evidently was not expecting the serious tone that Mello's voice had suddenly taken on.

"My real name is Mihael Keehl." Mello was not certain how Matt would respond; after all, they had been instructed never to reveal their real names, but none of the many times he spent rehearsing this conversation in his head had prepared him for what Matt actually did.

It took a few seconds for Matt to fully comprehend how paramount this simple sentence was. When he did, he, at least from Mello's perspective, greatly overreacted.

"Shhh, what are you doing! Don't say that here; what if someone hears you?"

"No one heard me, Matt, but I'm sure _everyone_ in the _entire_ restaurant heard _you_." In Matt's panic, he hadn't exactly been discrete, further evidenced by how the old couple was now blatantly staring at them.

"I'm sorry, but we are in a crowded, public area. _Someone_ had to have heard you. You can't put your life at risk like that." Although Matt was now speaking much more quietly, he still conveyed a sense of urgency.

"The only one who heard me was you, and I trust you with my life." Matt's cheeks reddened at this. Mello hadn't imagined that he would need to spell out his symbolic gesture. Instead, he had expected some sort of reciprocation, but it did not appear as if that would be happening. They finished what little remained of their dinner in silence.

Mello drove Matt's car home. He was glad that, once they had left the center of the town, the population was so sparse that they was very few cars on the road; fewer cars meant that he didn't have to pay attention as much.

The duration of the trip home Mello spent fuming. He had wanted the night to go well, but instead, it had turned into a disaster. When he had played out the evening in his mind before they had left, it ended with Matt showing at least minimal gratitude for his sharing the secret that every Whammy's kid guarded with their life.

Mello pulled up in front of their house. He was about to open the car door when he heard Matt say something softly, almost inaudibly. "Mail Jeevas."

"What?" Mello turned back to face Matt who was looking down at his hands which were placed in his lap.

"It's my name. Mail Jeevas." Matt looked up at Mello. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away. I trust you with my life too." Mello was speechless and could only return Matt's gaze. "So, what should I call you then? Mihael or Mello?"

"Whatever you want, Mattie." Mello looked into Matt's emerald eyes, for once not guarded by the orange tinted goggles that so often shielded them. At this moment, he realized that he had loved Matt all along. He loved everything about Matt: the way his hair was always a bit messy, the freckles that dotted his cheeks, giving him an air of innocence, even how awkward he was sometimes. Every aspect was part of Matt, and Matt was perfect.

Mello leaned forward slowly. For the first time in a long while, the idea of kissing someone made his heart quicken. He realized as their lips collided that he had never truly been in love before; every kiss, every touch had been for lust, not love.

Mello released Matt's lips momentarily, only to take them hostage again. Matt slowly parted his lips. He stopped, hesitated, and proceeded cautiously, granting Mello access.

Mello sucked at his lower lip before proceeding to snake his tongue into Matt's awaiting mouth. Matt pulled back, not used to the intruder. "It's okay if you don't want to," Mello said, inches from Matt's flushed face.

"No…I want to." Matt's expression was a combination of nervousness and excitement. "Don't hold back." Now given permission, Mello crushed his lips to Matt's.

Matt parted his lips much more willingly this time, knowing what to expect. Mello's tongue trailed along the roof of Matt's mouth. Although he was glad that Matt wasn't rejecting him this time, Mello wanted him to more willingly participate; he wanted Matt's slick appendage in his mouth.

As if he had asked out loud, Matt complied. At first he found it difficult to maneuver around Mello's tongue, which seemed to take up enough room for both of their mouths.

At Matt's first small attempt, Mello came forward and swung his leg over the passenger seat to startle Matt's hips. Mello's fingers laced in Matt's hair, pulling him closer. The space between them was nonexistent, torso pressed flush with torso.

Mello's tongue wove its way around the interior of Matt's mouth as Matt explored Mello's. A small, involuntary groan issued from the back of Matt's throat. Mello smile inwardly, enjoying the fact that this was pleasing to him.

He disengaged Matt's mouth to trace kisses down his neck, stopping to suck at Matt's collarbone. Unsatisfied that Matt was only breathing heavily, Mello worked his way back up to his neck. "Ngh…" The sound escaped Matt's parted lips as Mello nursed his neck.

_Much better._ He bit playfully before returning his attention to Matt's mouth. As their tongues intertwined, Matt's finally finding a way to coincide with his more dominant partner's, Mello felt the front of his already very constricting pants start to grow tighter. He pulled back to look at Matt. "Maybe we should stop for now," Mello panted.

"Yeah, maybe." Despite his agreement, Matt looked slightly disappointed. Although he didn't want to stop yet either, Mello was afraid that if they continued, he wouldn't be able to stop himself later. Since he doubted that Matt wanted to lose his virginity right then, in the car, he decided quitting early was the better option.

Mello placed one last chaste kiss on Matt's lips. "Let's go inside."

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A/N: Anyone notice the double meaning for the word "appendage"? ;)


	10. Chapter 10: Chocolate Heart

Author's Note: Hello again! We are finally onto double digit chapters! *Runs around doing a happy dance.* As exciting as this is, this chapter gave me a really hard time. Everything I wrote didn't seem to sound right, but after much editing, it's ready for all of you to read.

I included some music in this chapter so I suggest you at least listen to "I'm Not Your Boyfriend Baby" by 3OH!3. I also included "Don't Trust Me," so if you feel like it, you should listen to that too. I actually really wanted to have something from 3OH!3's newest album, _Streets of Gold_, but decided not to because I wanted to keep things chronologically correct (this chapter takes place on Feb. 13th 2010 and _Streets of Gold_ didn't come out until June 2010).

That's all. I'm going to stop ranting about music now so that you can read the chapter. Enjoy and please review!

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or any of its characters or 3OH!3 or the songs I mention.

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Chapter 10: Chocolate Heart

"DIE BITCH, DIE!" Mello rapidly pounded the buttons of the Wii controller. Matt's Link character expertly maneuvered around Mello's Bowser character's attack. Link turned around to deliver the final death blow. The winner screen came up, displaying Link. "Again," Mello demanded.

Matt and Mello had been sitting in their living room playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl for the past three hours. Matt was beginning to regret that he had chosen to bring his Wii with him when Mello had asked that he come help him after the explosion. _No, that's not true. I love my Wii._ He was, however, regretting asking Mello to play Super Smash Bros. with him. _I should have just let it go when he said he didn't want to play._ But Matt had convinced him by saying that it was a really easy game and that all you had to was hit random buttons. Mello had reluctantly agreed and soon discovered how addicting the game was; Mello hadn't won a single round and refused to stop playing until he did.

"Come on Mello, can't we play a different game?"

"No, I told you, not until I win a match." He selected a new arena. "And it doesn't count when you let me win." Matt had already tried that a while ago, hoping that it would.

Matt loved video games but playing the same game for three hours against an unworthy opponent was getting a little boring. His mind started to wander to other more interesting things, namely Mello. But not the Mello who was currently trying desperately to win a match - rather, the sexual beast that Mello became when Matt would let him.

He was considering allowing Mello to go farther. Matt knew that Mello wanted to and he thought that he might be ready. _I wonder what it would be like…having sex with Mello._ He dodged another attack without giving much thought to the game.

It had been about a week since they had gone out to the restaurant. Since that time in the car, Matt had been putting an increasing amount of thought into this subject. He hadn't said anything about it to Mello and had certainly not acted on it because, although he wanted to, the concept made him very apprehensive. Matt wanted his first time to be special and so he was waiting for the right time. He did not know when this opportune moment would present itself, but he waited for it nonetheless.

"Shit," he mumbled, remembering suddenly that tomorrow was Valentine's Day. Attributing Matt's profanity to the fact that he had just lost the match, Mello stood up and did something that was probably meant to be a victory dance.

"Fuck yeah!" he exclaimed, knowing that Matt had not lost on purpose this time. Matt focused in on the screen; Mello had actually won.

Relieved that he would finally be able to do something else, Matt got up and went to the kitchen. He started rummaging through the cabinets for what he was looking for when he heard Mello. "What are you doing?"

"Um… we are out of cereal. Could you go to the store and get some?" The thought of Valentine's Day reminded Matt that he needed Mello out of the house to do something.

"You're going to eat cereal now? It's the middle of the day."

"So?" Matt wished that he hadn't thought of such a poor excuse to try to get Mello to leave, but in his haste, he wasn't able to come up with anything better. _This is what happens when I don't think things through…_

"I haven't asked you once to buy me chocolate so why would I want to go get you cereal? And it's not like we live right down the street from the store. Go get your own damn cereal." Mello sat down at the table.

_That's it; this should get him to leave._ Matt leaned against the counter. "Aren't you almost out of chocolate?" Mello thought for a moment. He sighed.

"Yeah," he grumbled, "I guess I can pick up some cereal while I'm at the store. What kind do you want?"

"Something like Cap'n Crunch maybe." Matt wasn't sure what kinds of cereal the store had and since it didn't really matter he had just said the first thing that came to mind.

"Okay, I'll be back in a little bit." Mello got up from the table.

"Sure," Matt said, hoping that Mello wasn't in any hurry. As soon as he heard the front door shut, he started to get out the ingredients he needed.

The idea started with Matt wanting to do something for Mello for Valentine's Day. He had decided on making Mello chocolate since, one: he knew Mello would like it, and two: it was tradition to give chocolates on Valentine's Day in Japan and, seeing that they were in Japan, he figured why not?

Although he had never made chocolate before, he figured it couldn't be too hard. Matt got out a sauce pan and looked at the ingredients on the counter: cocoa powder, milk, sugar, butter, and vanilla extract. Staring at these items, he realized that he didn't really know what he was doing.

_Maybe some music will inspire me._ He brought his laptop down to the kitchen and sat it on the table, selecting 3OH!3 before commencing with his chocolate project.

He poured some milk into the pan and turned the burner on medium before adding some cocoa powder, sugar, butter, and a few drops of vanilla extract. He stirred the ingredients together, singing along to "Don't Trust Me."

Once the components were mixed, he tasted the gooey liquid. _Probably too sweet for Mello._ He added more cocoa powder. Satisfied now that it had more of a dark chocolate taste, he turned off the burner and poured it into the heart shaped tin he bad bought for the occasion. The tin would mold the words "I Love You" into the chocolate heart.

Matt was a little concerned about this, but since all the molds he had seen came this way, he had little choice. When he had first seen the message that was stamped out on every tin, he wondered if he actually did love Mello, but now as he poured the liquid chocolate into the heart shaped container, he knew that he did. And although Matt wanted desperately to tell Mello, he was worried that his feelings wouldn't be reciprocated.

Matt sat the tin on the counter, planning on letting it cool some before putting it into the refrigerator to set. Now with his task completed, he could relax a little. He looked at the digital clock display on the oven. _Mello still shouldn't be home for a while. I should have plenty of time to get the kitchen cleaned up._

Matt took out a cigarette, placing it loosely between his lips, and lit it. He inhaled slowly, the sensation liberating. Mello never let him smoke in the house and so this small rebellion ensued great pleasure.

Matt wiped the surface of the counter off where he had spilled a little cocoa power and put away the ingredients he had used. Since the pan was still hot, he could not yet wash it out, so he left it on the counter to cool along with the tin of chocolate. Matt walked into the living room to play videogames to pass the time; anything would be fine as long as it wasn't Super Smash Bros.

After about a quarter of an hour, Matt figured he should go finish cleaning up. He turned off the Wii and went back into the kitchen. He had forgotten to turn off his laptop and it was now playing "I'm Not Your Boyfriend Baby." He sang along as he washed out the chocolate glazed pan in the sink.

"I'm not your boyfriend baby. I ain't your cute little sex toy. I'm not…"

"Really, is that how you feel?" Mello said sarcastically. Matt turned around to see his blond boyfriend leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed. He had apparently not heard him come in over the music. Matt abandoned the pan in the sink and scooted over slightly to try to shield the tin that still rested on the counter with his body.

"What are you doing home so early?" was all Matt said.

"What do you mean 'so early'? I've been gone for an hour. And what the hell, Matt? I told you not to smoke in the house!" The scent of Matt's cigarette still lingered in the air despite the fact that he had finished it a while ago.

"Sorry." Matt really didn't care that Mello was angry at him; he just wanted him to leave the room so that he could hide the chocolate heart.

"What is this shit you're listening to?" Mello went over to the table and turned off the music that was still blasting though the speakers on the laptop. He looked back up at Matt who was still leaning suspiciously against the counter. "What are you trying to hide?"

"What? Nothing," he replied, not at all convincingly.

"Yeah, sure." Mello started towards Matt, and therefore, the object that lay behind him. "What is it?" Seeing no way to successfully hide the chocolate heart, Matt decided his best bet was stopping Mello from insisting on seeing it.

"It's…a surprise," Matt said, echoing the words that Mello had used to stop him from finding out what his birthday present was.

"Okay, great. What is it?" Mello demanded, pushing past Matt.

"No, wait…" But it was too late; Mello had already seen.

"This is for Valentine's Day?" Mello's tone was suddenly less hostile.

"…Yeah," Matt said reluctantly.

"Don't _girls_ normally give guys chocolate for Valentine's Day in Japan?" Matt blushed. He hadn't thought about that, but now that Mello had mentioned it, he knew that he was right.

"Yeah, I guess…"

"At least we know who the girl is in this relationship," Mello said mockingly.

"What? No!" Matt protested, "You're the one who looks more like a girl!" Mello paused, looking a Matt with an expression more disappointed than angry.

"Really, Matt, really? You're going to bring _that_ up?" All the while they were at Whammy's, Matt had never said a word about it. The other children had teased Mello because of his effeminate appearance. Or, at least they had when Mello had first arrived; once they found out what he would do to them if they did, they quickly stopped. "I'm already mad about you smoking in the house; do you really want to push me right now?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." Matt was earnest in his apology; he knew that this was a touchy subject for Mello. "Can we just leave it at I made you chocolate for Valentine's Day and not read anything into it?"

"Whatever. That chocolate better be pretty damn good." Mello moved forward to taste it, but Matt stepped in his way.

"No, not until tomorrow. Besides it's not finished yet." Matt picked up the tin and took it to the refrigerator, pushing some stuff out of the way to make room for it. As he shut the refrigerator door, something pointy hit him in the back. The box of cereal fell to the floor, one of its corners bent in slightly.

"Enjoy your stupid fucking cereal." Matt turned around to face the evidently still angry blond.

"Look, Mels, I told you I was sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"I don't care about what you said if that's what you really think." Mello paused, and then, much more quietly, "Why did you never say it before? No one else ever bothered to keep their opinions secret." Matt swore that Mello's expression was almost sad; he had never seen Mello let his guard down this much.

"I always cared about you, Mels, why would I do something to upset someone I care about?" Matt put his arms around Mello, pulling him into a hug.

It was an odd sensation for Matt, comforting Mello. He remembered when he had first come to Whammy's after his parents died. Mello had been the one to comfort him then. Thinking back, Matt wasn't sure why Mello befriended him. The most outgoing kid there becoming best friends with the antisocial boy; it must have seemed strange to the other children. Matt's reminiscent thoughts were interrupted by something that he had not expected.

"I love you," Mello whispered into Matt's ear, tightening his embrace. Matt's heart hammered in his chest; these three seemingly simple words meant the world to him.

"I love you too," Matt whispered back, breathing in the lavender scent of Mello's shampoo. He couldn't ever remember feeling more whole, more complete, than he did then, standing in the kitchen in Mello's arms.


	11. Chapter 11: Valentine's Day

Author's note: It's finally here, the big rating change! As you have probably guessed, this means that this chapter contains some pretty graphic yaoi. If you do not want to read this kind of thing, that's fine. It's right at the end of the chapter so just stop reading when you come to it. I promise you won't be missing anything vital to the story if you do this.

Also this chapter is really, really long. I'm sorry if you prefer shorter chapters, but it didn't make sense to me to split it into two. Because of its length, this chapter was exhausting to write so I don't know how prompt I will be with the next chapter; I would like to take a small break from writing. I was going to do sort of a MattXMello AU Thanksgiving oneshot, but since I would only have four days to write and edit it minus whatever time I take off from writing, I don't think I will. However, if enough people show interest, I will write it and it will be cute and I will somehow manage to post it by Thanksgiving. So that's all. Please review especially if you want to see the Thanksgiving oneshot happen because if you do, I won't know unless you tell me.

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Chapter 11: Valentine's Day

Mello sat in the large plush chair in the living room reading an old-looking hardcover novel, drinking a rather large cup of chocolate infused coffee. He had already been up for quite some time, but Matt was still sleeping the morning away. Mello turned the page, finishing another chapter. He sat the book upside down on the coffee table to keep it open to the page he was on. He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger. It seemed like he had been waiting for Matt forever.

When Mello had first woken up, he had taken a shower and gotten dressed. Not knowing how long Matt would still be sleeping for, he had decided to make his own breakfast. Mello had really wanted scramble eggs for breakfast, but no matter what he did, he always seemed to burn them. There was no way he was going to wait for Matt to get up and make him breakfast, so he opted for toast with Nutella.

After he had finished his rather simple, though still delicious, breakfast, Mello had found himself with nothing to do. He had put a pot of coffee over to brew and went into the living room. He had tried to find something to watch on TV, but there was never anything good on in the morning. When the coffee was done, he decided to give up and had shut off the TV.

About to break off a piece of chocolate to drop into his coffee, Mello had remembered the chocolate heart that was still sitting in the refrigerator. After stirring a piece of the store bought chocolate into his coffee, he went to the refrigerator and took out the tin. He popped the heart out of the tin and broke a piece off. Upon tasting it, he was surprised by how similar it tasted to the only other homemade chocolate he had ever had: the chocolate candies the nuns had made for the children at the Catholic orphanage he had resided at until he had came to Whammy's House at the age of ten.

Memories he had long forgotten flooded his mind as he finished the piece of chocolate. He put the rest back into the refrigerator; he did not want to remember a childhood that he had worked so hard to forget.

Mello took his coffee into the living room and looked around for something to do, something that would both help him get his mind off of his past and help him pass the time. His eyes fell on the bookshelf in the corner. Neither he nor Matt had really looked at the bookshelf since they had moved in, but it seemed promising as Mello had walked towards it.

He had come across many old books that he had never heard of before. Although he was fluent in seven languages thanks to his training at Whammy's, Japanese obviously included, he was not all that familiar with Japanese literature. He had picked one that sounded interesting and had sat down in the large comfy chair.

But that seemed like forever ago as Mello finished the last of his coffee. He looked up at the clock on the wall which read 10:45. _How long is he going to sleep for? _Mello didn't consider himself to be an early riser, but compared to Matt, who habitually slept in past ten, he was.

Mello didn't want to wake him up, but he was starting to get annoyed. He sat the coffee cup down and picked the book back up, deciding to read another chapter before going to wake Matt up.

When he had only a couple of pages to go, Matt came bounding down the stairs, evidently well rested. "Good morning," Matt said cheerfully.

"Is it still morning?" Mello turned the page. Oblivious to Mello's annoyance, Matt came over to stand behind the chair. He kissed Mello on top the head.

"Happy Valentine's Day! What do you want to do today?"

"I would say we could go out for breakfast, but it's a little late for that."

"So we can go out to lunch then," Matt said, heading for the kitchen. "Now you can have some…chocolate." He walked back to the living room, tin of chocolate in hand. "I told you that you had to wait." Mello looked up from his book; Matt looked a little angry.

"You said I had to wait until Valentine's Day. I did."

"How was it?"

"Excellent," Mello said, going back to his book. And it had been excellent, it was up to par with the best chocolate he had ever had; it just so happened that the taste reminded him of something he'd rather not remember. "Go get ready; I'd like to leave soon. I'm getting hungry."

"Okay…" Matt put the tin on the counter in the kitchen and went back upstairs to get ready. After finishing the last page of the chapter, Mello closed the book, using a chocolate wrapper as a bookmark, and tossed it to the coffee table. He got up and put his empty coffee cup in the sink.

"I'm ready," he heard Matt call out as he practically ran down the stairs. Mello met Matt at the front door. He pulled on his boots and leather jacket.

"Let's go," he said, opening the door and heading out towards Matt's red Camaro. He got in on the passenger's side since Matt already had the keys.

Matt got in, started the engine, and pulled out onto the street. "Are you okay?" Matt asked, sounding worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Mello replied, staring out the window at the frozen countryside.

"Are you sure? You seem awfully…distant."

"I was just sort of annoyed that I had to wait so long for you to get up."

"Oh…sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Besides, it's my own fault for being so impatient."

"No, it kind of _is _my fault. After I went in my room last night, I wasn't really tired so I stayed up 'til about one in the morning playing video games," Matt said sheepishly. Mello was about to tell Matt exactly how irritated this made him, but when he turned to face him, Mello saw the slight blush that covered Matt's cheeks and the urge died away.

"Oh," was all he said.

"You're not going to yell at me for wasting my life away with video games?" Matt asked, surprise evident in his voice.

"Uh, no?" Mello was shocked as well. He didn't know exactly what had stopped him from doing just that.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Matt tried again.

"Yes, alright? I'm not going to complain about something that doesn't matter on Valentine's Day, okay?" Mello's tone had regained some of its characteristic roughness.

"That's more like the usual Mello." A smile stretched across Matt's face.

Mello was somewhat stunned by the fact that his small display of anger reassured Matt. _Is that how I sound all the time? How much of my time do I spend being mad about something?_

As they approached the center of town, Matt asked, "Where do you want to eat?"

"It doesn't matter. You choose."

"How about there. That place was pretty good," Matt said, pointing to the same diner that they had ate at their first day there.

"Sure." Mello couldn't actually remember what he had ordered; all he could remember was how preoccupied he had been by his newly discovered feelings for Matt.

Matt parked the car, and they entered Fujita Diner. The interior was decorated for Valentine's Day with strings of little red heart lights adorning the walls. They seated themselves at a booth near a window, and a young girl with long blond pigtails soon came over.

"Hi, I'm Najika, and I'll be your waitress today," she said, handing them each a menu, "Can I start you off with anything to drink?" Mello got a glass of water along with a cup of hot chocolate and Matt got the same that he always did: a Coke.

Once the waitress had left, Mello started to look around the small restaurant, noticing all the couples. He hoped that Matt was over his whole not wanting people to know that they were a couple thing because, chances were, that's exactly what people would think.

"So did you actually like the chocolate I made? You weren't very convincing," Matt said as he looked over the menu.

"Yeah, it was actually really good. It's just that it…" Mello paused before deciding that the truth was the best way to end his sentence. "…it reminded me of something that I'd rather not remember." Matt sat his menu down and looked at Mello with a look of curiosity and concern.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really…"

"Okay, that's fine." Matt's expression became increasingly worried, but he dropped the subject and went back to his menu.

"Have you decided yet or would you like more time to look over the menu?" Mello looked up to see that Najika had returned with their drinks. They decided to order then; Mello got teriyaki chicken and Matt ordered soba.

Mello was about to try his hot chocolate when he noticed something. "There are little heart shaped marshmallows in this," he stated, not at all enthused.

Matt chuckled. "Fitting."

"What do you mean?" Mello asked, becoming irritated that Matt found humor in what he viewed as an overly girly cup of hot chocolate.

"You love chocolate; now it loves you back," Matt said grinning. Mello couldn't help but smile at the ridiculous comment that came from the adorable redhead sitting across the table from him.

"You're so weird," he said playfully.

"Yeah, but you love it." Mello couldn't deny this; Matt's quirkiness was one of the many things he loved about him.

Mello took a sip of the hot chocolate and found it to be delicious, heart shaped marshmallows and all.

The blond girl returned with their food. Mello took a bite of his and was surprised by how good it was. _I couldn't have gotten this last time; I would have definitely remembered it._ He looked over at Matt who was having a hard time with his chopsticks despite the large number of times he had tried to use them in the past. "Just ask for a fork."

"No, I've got this," Matt said as most of the noodles he had picked up dropped back down to his dish.

"At least let me help."

"What do you mean?" Mello responded by leaning across the table and picking up some of the soba with his chopsticks to hold in front of Matt's face. "No," he said, realizing what Mello wanted to do, "You are not going to feed me."

"Come on; you're acting like a child."

"No I'm n-" Matt was cut off by the large bite of food Mello had just stuck in his mouth. He chewed and swallowed it slowly, blushing profusely.

"There, now was that so bad?" Mello asked, offering a cheeky grin.

"Okay, you've made you point; I'll ask for a fork."

"I wasn't trying to make a point. I was just trying to help you out," Mello said, feigning offence. Matt noticed their waitress and waved her over. He asked for a fork and she brought one over immediately. "See? That wasn't so hard."

"I could have used the chopsticks," Matt grumbled, despite the fact that it was obviously much easier for him to use the fork.

"Then use them. It's not like she took them away."

"It's…fine." Mello smirked. He knew that Matt just didn't want to admit that he was right. "So what were you reading this morning?" The abrupt change of subject caught Mello off guard.

"Something from that bookshelf in the living room," he responded vaguely.

"Was it any good? The only time I think I even looked at that bookshelf was when we had to move it to paint." Mello wasn't surprised; the only things he ever saw Matt read were game codes he found on the internet.

"It was…okay. I was just reading it to pass the time while I was waiting for you to get up." Mello wished Matt wouldn't ask any more questions about that book. The truth was he really liked it, but that wasn't the problem; the problem was that it was a romance novel. He worried that if Matt found out that he like romance novels that he would never hear the end of it. "What do you want to do when we are done here?" he asked without waiting for Matt to come up with anymore questions about his reading selection.

"I don't know." He looked out the window at all the couples passing by. "We could go see a movie." He looked back to Mello who was finishing his teriyaki chicken.

"Sure. Do you know what's playing?"

"Nope." Seeing that they were done, the waitress walked back over to their table.

"Would either of you like anything for dessert?" Mello looked over at the dessert card standing by the salt and pepper shakers; the front of it displayed a very delicious looking piece of chocolate cake.

"Do you want to split that?" Mello asked Matt, pointing to the picture.

"If you want." Matt's expression displayed a look of astonishment.

"Okay. Then one piece of triple chocolate cake?" the girl verified.

"Yep," Mello confirmed. Najika took their empty plates and came back quickly with their cake and the bill.

Mello picked up one of the forks and took a bite, finding it to be exceptional He looked over at Matt who hadn't even picked up the other fork. "Aren't you going to have any?"

"You were serious when you said we would split it?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, this would be the first time you would have shared something chocolate with anyone, at least, that I remember."

"Oh." Mello watched as Matt picked up the fork and took a bite. _That can't be right. I must have shared my chocolate with someone before. _But as he thought about it, Mello couldn't think of a single time that he had. "What to you think of it?"

"It's good." Mello was surprised by his lack of enthusiasm.

"What do you mean 'it's good'? It's the best cake I've ever eaten." Matt shrugged.

"Yeah, maybe, but you know I'm not that much of a chocolate person." Mello did seem to remember Matt always giving him all the chocolate bars he got for Halloween, but he had always figured he had just been being nice.

"We could have gotten something else."

"It's fine. I don't want that much anyway." So Mello ate most of it as Matt picked at the edge.

"Come on. Have a little more," Mello said when there were only a couple bites left.

"No, you finish it." Mello picked up a piece on his fork and held it in front of Matt.

"I already ate most of it. Just have one more bite." Matt took it reluctantly.

"I wish you wouldn't do that. I can feed myself."

"You're just worried about what other people think when they see us together."

"No I'm not," Matt said defiantly, but the pink hue that made itself present on his cheeks said differently.

"Prove it."

"How exactly am I supposed to prove _that_?"

"Feed me." Mello looked across the table at Matt, waiting. Matt took the last piece of cake up on his fork and brought it to Mello's mouth. He took it willingly, savoring it. He could not understand why Matt didn't like this. _The only better way to eat this would be off of Matt's body._

"There, happy? Can we leave now?"

"Sure, but I still don't see why that was such a big deal." Matt didn't respond as they walked to the front to pay for their meal.

The small bell above the door chimed as Mello pushed the door open and stepped out into the cold air. "I don't think the movie theatre is too far from here. Do you just want to walk?"

"Okay," Matt responded. Growing up at Whammy's House in England had made them used to cold weather.

As they walked down the sidewalk, Mello looked around at all the people; it seemed as though everyone in the entire town was out. He considered trying to hold Matt's hand but decided it would only make Matt nervous.

Mello looked down the street, not sure that they were heading in the right direction, when he felt Matt entwine his fingers in his own. Mello looked over a Matt who was staring at his feet, blushing. He faced forward again; a small smile came to his lips.

Despite Mello's concern, they were traveling in the correct direction and soon came to the movie theatre. They entered the large building and looked at the movies listed on the large electronic board. "What do you want to see?" Mello asked, scanning the list.

"How about that one?" Matt asked, pointing to the third one listed. Mello seemed to remember seeing a commercial for it.

"Isn't that a chick flick?" Matt's cheeks reddened at the question.

"Um, I don't know. We don't have to see it if you don't want to," Matt mumbled.

"No, we can see it." Without looking for further confirmation, Mello went up to the ticket window. He came back to where he had left Matt standing, dumbfounded, with two tickets in hand. "We better hurry; only a few minutes until the movie starts." They went into the main area and bought a bag of popcorn before finding theatre number five which was supposed to be playing the movie they had selected. They found two seats in the crowded theatre and sat down just in time for the opening credits.

As it turned out, the movie was a chick flick. And, contrary to what most would think, Mello actually enjoyed it. However, even he was surprised when tears started to well up in his eyes at the end when the male lead died. He quickly wiped the offensive water droplets away, hoping that Matt had not seen.

As soon as the movie was over, Mello left the theatre quickly, Matt trailing behind him. By staying in front, he was trying to make sure that if his eyes were red, Matt wouldn't see.

"Hey, slow down!" he heard Matt say behind him. Once outside, Mello stopped, not knowing where they would be going next. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Mello said defiantly, still facing away from Matt.

"Were you crying?" His voice was soft.

"No, of course n-," he started as he turned around. The view of Matt who had obviously been crying cut him off. "…Yeah." Matt took Mello's hand and they started down the sidewalk.

"It's okay you know. It was a sad ending; I did too." It didn't matter to Mello that Matt had cried as well; this was the first time he had ever cried in public. It had taken him by surprise as he was used to only allowing himself to present a tough front. Now that it was only him and Matt, however, he found that he was unconsciously showing more emotion and he wasn't entirely sure that he was okay with that.

After about a minute, Mello realized that he wasn't sure where they were going. "Where exactly are we going?" Matt stopped walking.

"What do you mean? I thought you had someplace in mind."

"No. I was following you."

"Well, I need to stop by the store before we go home."

"Then we're going the wrong way." With this, they turned around and headed back in the direction they had come from. Mello almost had to laugh at the stupidity of their situation as they passed the theatre again.

On their way to the grocery store, they passed a pet shop. Mello probably wouldn't have even noticed it, except, as they neared it, Matt suddenly ran up to the window. Mello was confused at first, but soon realized what Matt was staring at: five kittens could be seen playing just inside the window.

"No," Mello said in anticipation of the question he was sure Matt would ask.

"But they're so cute," Matt said as a tabby swatted at a little black kitten's tail.

"Do you have any idea how expensive a cat would be? Neither one of us have jobs; we are living off the money I have from when I was in the Mafia. You do realize that, right?"

"Maybe we should get jobs," Matt said as Mello pulled him away from the window.

"We're wanted criminals; I'm sure _something_ would come up in the background check."

"No one's found us out yet. Besides, Near could take care of the background stuff." Mello glared at Matt.

"I'm not asking Near for anymore favors. Besides, I want to get out of here as soon as this whole Kira thing dies down."

"But what if it doesn't?"

"Near told me that he was dead. It's only a matter of time until people give it up." Mello entered the grocery story, Matt following right behind. "What are we here for anyway?"

"Stuff for dinner," he said simply.

"I was just here yesterday. Why didn't you ask me to get it then?" Mello asked, a little annoyed.

"I was more preoccupied with getting you out of the house. Plus, I doubt you would know what like half the things I need are." Mello looked at Matt, a little worried. When Matt had said "stuff for dinner," Mello had imagined something a little closer to what they normally had; something like frozen pizza.

Matt had not yet displayed his cooking skills, at least, not _really_. Aside from the occasional scrambled egg, something Mello wished he had made that morning, Matt had not really done that much actual cooking. "What exactly are you making?"

"Spaghetti."

"What's in spaghetti that I don't know about?"

"Well, do you know what oregano is?"

"No," he said, thinking that he actually didn't know what went into spaghetti sauce besides tomatoes. "So what's your plan, showing me just how bad the spaghetti I made was?" Mello said jokingly.

"Actually, I'm going to teach you how to cook properly," Matt said as he looked though the shelves of spices before selecting the ones he was looking for and putting them in the shopping basket he had picked up at the front of the store.

"Are you…okay with that?" Mello questioned, remembering just how difficult it had been for Matt when he had brought up his past and its connection to cooking.

"Yeah, it's fine," Matt said, dismissing the subject. He reached up to grab a rather large can of tomato sauce to put in the basket.

"You're buying a can of tomato sauce; isn't that cheating? I thought you were going to _make_ it."

"It takes too long, so unless you want to eat at midnight, this will have to do."

After finishing their shopping, they went back home and started cooking. "Isn't it a little early for dinner," Mello asked as Matt got out a knife and cutting board.

"It's going to take a while to cook even with buying the tomato sauce," Matt said as he peeled off the brittle skin of the large yellow onion he had bought. He sat it down on the cutting board and pushed it towards Mello. "Dice this."

"Do what to it?"

"Like this," he said, taking the knife in motioning how to cut it so that it would end up in little cubes. "And you…," he hesitated before taking his goggle off, "…might want these." Mello was reluctant to take them; Matt never let anyone wear his goggles. He remembered one time, not long after Matt had arrived at Whammy's, he had left them in the room they shared while he was taking a shower. Matt had come back to find Mello playing with them; he had never seen Matt more angry.

Mello put the goggles on slowly, worried that he would damage them in some way. "How do I look?" he asked.

"Ridiculous."

"Now you know how you look." Matt's face fell when he heard these words causing Mello to regret saying them. "I'm kidding," he said gently, "You look adorable wearing them."

"Sure," Matt said as he took out another cutting board and knife to mince the garlic.

"No, really, you do." Mello started cutting the onion. He was slow and awkward with the knife especially compared to Matt who was mincing the garlic with much skill and speed. "How can you do that so fast? It looks like you're going to cut off your thumb…or worse." Matt reddened. Mello grinned at this until Matt looked up at him, water visibly pooling at the edges of his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said quickly, "if I offended you or something."

"What?"

"You…look like you're about to cry."

"Oh, right, it's from the onion. That's why I gave you my goggles."

"Oh." Mello felt incredibly stupid from his misunderstanding. "Uh, can I ask you a question?" Matt looked over at Mello in surprise as he got out a frying pan.

"Yeah?" He put some olive oil and the garlic in the pan, turning it on medium. Mello rinsed the onion off his hands and handed the goggles back to Matt.

"Why do you like these things so much?" Matt took the cutting board from him and dumped the onion into the pan. He put a pinch of salt in and stirred it before responding.

"They were my dad's," Matt said, placing them back over his eyes. He voice was flat.

Mello understood now why Matt had always been so protective of them. He felt as though he should be satisfied by this newly shared piece of information but wasn't. He wanted so badly to know more about Matt's life before Whammy's, and so he blatantly violated the unspoken pact they had had since Matt had first arrived at the orphanage. "What were they like? … Your parents, I mean." Matt offered nothing but a blank stare. "It's okay…if you don't want to talk about it."

"No, I…I just thought that you didn't want to talk about that kind of thing." A pink hue blanketed Matt's cheeks. He stopped speaking for a moment to stir the onions and garlic and to dump the large can of tomato sauce into a sauce pan, turning the burner on low. He continued as he seasoned it. "Well, I already told you that my mom taught me how to cook," Matt said, his blush deepening almost to the color of the sauce he was focusing his attention on. "Um…I grew up in England, not too far from Whammy's House actually. My dad moved there from Ireland when he was little. I don't actually remember my grandparents; they both died while I was still really young.

"My mom moved from northern Italy so that she could go to Oxford; that's where my parents met. I didn't have any siblings. Apparently my mom almost died when she had me so they didn't want to risk having another baby.

"I still remember exactly how the house looked; it was a very simple looking, two story colonial. It wasn't all that big, but it was still nice. My mother ended up teaching biology at a university, but as soon as she got home she would start cooking dinner. She always cooked from scratch so she always seemed to be in the kitchen. This," Matt motioned to the stove, "is her recipe, or, at least what I can remember of it. She would have made the sauce of course, but I didn't have time for that…

"Anyway, my dad worked as an engineer and his job was very demanding so he would always come in really late. When he got home, we would eat dinner, and afterward, he and I would play videogames. I remember when he brought home the NES one day; it was already old technology by then, but I was still so excited." A small smile came to Matt's lips as he said this. Mello finally understood why the gift he had given Matt had been so meaningful to him. "My mom always said how similar me and dad were, both in how we looked and how we acted.

"Then about a week after I turned ten, they got in a car crash. The other car hit a patch of black ice and lost control. The other guy had to be hospitalized but ended up living; both my parents died."

Mello noticed tears forming in the corners of Matt's eyes; he felt terrible for asking Matt about his past. Matt lifted his goggles to the top of his head and frantically wiped at his eyes; a single tear rolled down his cheek despite his effort. Mello stepped forward to brush the tear away with his thumb. "I'm sorry," was all he could thing to say as he wrapped his arms around Matt who buried his face in Mello's neck.

He was reminded of when Matt first had come to Whammy's. He hadn't understood Matt's emotional state then because he wouldn't talk about it, but even now, having never known his parents, Mello still didn't fully understand. But he didn't need to understand as he held Matt in his arms; he was upset, so Mello needed to comfort him.

Matt pulled away, wiping his eyes with his sleeve again. "I'm sorry; it's just been so long since I've thought about it."

"It's okay," Mello said, his tone gentle. Seeming to remember the food on the stove, Matt took the lid off the onions and garlic, stirring them before dumping them into the pan of sauce which was now simmering. He got out a large pot and filled it with water before putting it over to boil.

"So I, um," Matt paused to clear his throat, "I didn't have any immediate family so I stayed with our neighbor for a couple of days while arrangements were made. Watari, although of course I didn't know he was Watari then, came to my neighbor's house to discuss the situation with her since she was the one taking care of me at the time. He told me that I could bring whatever I wanted with me, so I went back home to collect all my stuff as well as a box full of my parents' stuff." Mello thought immediately to the box Matt had always hid away and guarded while they were at Whammy's. The only two items that he had ever seen come out of that box were Matt's goggles and his NES.

"So where is it now?" Mello asked.

"Still at Whammy's I suppose. I couldn't bring much when you asked me to come help you." Matt stirred the sauce and put the spaghetti into the now boiling water.

"Thank you for telling me all this," Mello whispered, embracing Matt once more. "I love you."

"I love you too," he returned. "I'm sorry I didn't really teach you anything about cooking."

"That's okay. I learned just from watching you."

When the pasta was done, Mello sat the table as Matt drained the spaghetti and stirred in the sauce. He served it before sitting down. Mello took a bite and looked at Matt. "This is incredible," he said, amazement evident in his voice.

"No it's not," Matt said, having just tasted it, "This is a disgrace; I completely failed."

"Don't be ridiculous. So what if it doesn't taste exactly like how you mom used to make it? It's still really good. Maybe you weren't meant to recreate you mom's recipe; maybe you were meant to create your own."

A small smile came to Matt's lips. "Maybe."

When they had finished dinner, Matt cleared off the table and started to fill the sink with water. Mello, hoping he was not being too forward given how emotionally exhausted he figured Matt must be, came up behind Matt and slipped his arms around him, starting to kiss his neck. After only seconds, Matt turned around to kiss Mello passionately. He slipped his tongue unexpectedly between Mello's parting lips; Matt had never before been this aggressive. For the first time in his life, Mello didn't want the taste of dark chocolate in his mouth; he wanted the taste of Matt's tongue.

Matt pulled away slightly. "I'm ready." Mello looked at Matt, whose face was flushed a deep red. At first he wasn't sure what this statement was supposed to mean and was about to ask, when he realized its significance.

"Are you sure?"

"Mm hmm." So Mello took him by the hand and led him up to his room, shutting the door behind him despite the fact that no one else was in the house. They moved to the bed and Mello laid him down slowly. He kissed Matt softly before parting his lips. Matt's tongue entered Mello's mouth, trailing intricate patterns on the interior. Their tongues entwined as Mello removed the goggles from atop Matt's head, placing them on the nightstand next to the bed. He bit at Matt's lower lip, his hand wandering down to the hem of Matt's shirt guiding it up and over his head, exposing the pale skin beneath that almost seemed to glow under the moonlight streaming though the window.

Mello's mouth worked its way down from Matt's lips, tracing down his jawbone to his neck where he stopped to suck at the skin he found there before biting at it lightly. He proceeded farther down Matt's body, coming across a tender looking nipple. He licked it before intending to bite it softly. However, the small squeak that Matt produced informed him otherwise. Mello smiled inwardly, moving on.

Mello passed Matt's navel, kissing a freckle that lay just below it. Soon, the top of Matt's pants blocked his path. He sat up, straddling Matt's upper thighs. Eager to remove the offensive barrier, he started to loosen Matt's belt buckle. He could feel Matt tense under him.

"Mello…?" Matt said meekly. Mello brought his attention back up to Matt's face which displayed a nervous expression.

"Don't worry. I'll be gentle," he said, not sure if he had successfully reassured Matt or not. Mello removed his shirt and tossed it to the floor before going back to the belt buckle. With it now out of the way, Mello pulled Matt's zipper down slowly before finally unbuttoning his pants. He tugged them down to below his hips, exposing a blue pair of boxers.

Matt leaned up hesitantly to work at the lacing of Mello's leather pants. He could feel Matt's hands tremble directly over his crotch as they tried to loosen the pants enough to remove them, which only made him more aroused. A warmth started to build in his lower abdomen.

When Matt had effectively loosened the lacing sufficiently, he slid the top of Mello's leather pants down, stopping abruptly when he came across something unexpected. "You're not wearing any…" Mello smirked.

"Did you really think I have room for anything extra under these pants?" Matt blushed a deep tone of scarlet, obviously never having considered it before.

"B-but you always sleep in boxers."

"Yeah. I have to put them on first though." Mello enjoyed how cute Matt looked, laying under him, blushing adorably.

Mello pulled Matt's jeans down farther to his knees, hoping that he would understand that it was up to him to kick them off. Matt did so, although rather awkwardly, his pants falling to the floor; his socks soon followed.

Matt returned to his previous task and attempted once again to remove Mello's pants. The pants, however, put up quite a fight, clinging to Mello's skin desperately. Realizing that this would happen a lot faster if he helped, Mello joined Matt in pulling down his ridiculously tight pants.

With his pants successfully discarded, Mello returned his attention to Matt. He slid his index finger beneath the elastic waistband of the blue boxers, running it back and forth along the edge. "Nghh." Satisfied that his teasing was getting to Matt, Mello proceeded to slide the boxers down at an almost unbearably slow pace, exposing Matt's member which already stood to attention, precum dripping down from the tip.

Mello bent down, running his tongue up Matt's shaft from base to tip, licking the clear liquid off. He twirled his tongue around the head before taking it fully into his mouth. He gagged slightly when the tip collided with the back of his throat but recovered quickly, bobbing his head back down again, faster this time.

He hummed, sending vibrations up Matt's erection, causing him to let out a lust soaked moan. Mello brought his lips down to the base once more before Matt released. He swallowed the salty fluid, but he was far from done and under no circumstances was he going to let Matt be done either. He removed Matt's boxers from their position at his knees and threw them to the floor.

Mello stuck three of his fingers in his mouth, coating them with saliva. Once he felt that they were sufficiently slick, he removed them from his mouth and brought his hand down to insert his index finger into Matt's small virginal opening. The rings of muscle contracted around it, rejecting the foreign intruder. "Try to relax," Mello said, looking down at the odd expression that Matt's face bore.

"Easy for you to say." Mello could feel Matt's internal walls loosen, but only minimally. He removed his index finger only to reinsert it along with his middle finger. Matt's entrance constricted around his fingers again, but he paid no attention. He worked to pull his fingers apart, trying to stretch out the tight rings of muscle.

Once Matt finally forced himself to relax again, Mello added the last finger. This time Matt winced. Mello felt bad for causing him pain but continued to stretch the small orifice, attempting to prepare him for what would inevitably come next.

Mello removed his fingers and positioned himself at Matt's entrance before inserting his member slowly. He stopped halfway in, looking down at Matt whose face was contorted in pain. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No…keep…going." Mello forced his length in all the way before pulling out partially, only to pound back in with much more speed. Mello hated himself for enjoying something that caused Matt such affliction, but with just one more thrust, Matt let out a load, desperate moan. "Do that…again," he gasped.

Mello gladly complied, pounding into Matt's pleasure spot with much greater force. Matt's nails dug into his back, but Mello hardly noticed. Matt's toes curled into the sheet as he panted heavily.

Mello pulled out completely this time and hooked Matt's legs over his shoulders so that he could better angle himself into Matt. He impaled Matt on his swollen member, causing Matt to cry out in pleasure, arching into him. Mello grabbed Matt's once again hard shaft, pumping it in time with his thrusts. The bed creaked in protest as Mello's hips rocked back and forth, forcing his cock deep into Matt. Again and again, in out, in out, before Matt released his sticky, pale fluid all over both of their stomachs.

Mello drove himself into Matt a final time before exploding inside him. He unsheathed himself and rolled off of Matt to the bed. As he lay there, his breath still coming in ragged gasps, Matt snuggled up next to him, laying his head on Mello's chest. He stroked Matt's hair gently; he had never thought that he could love another human being as much as he loved Matt at that moment. He kissed the top of Matt's head. "Happy Valentine's Day."

* * *

A/N: How did I do? That was the first lemon scene I have ever written so your feedback will be exceptionally helpful to me so that I can make it even better next time.


	12. Chapter 12: Matt

Author's Note: So, I'm really sorry that it took like two weeks for me to post this chapter. I've actually been done writing it for awhile, but I just didn't have time to edit it.

Anyway, I did something a little different with this chapter. I hope you all like what I did, but in case you don't, no worries; this is not something I plan on doing often.

* * *

Chapter 12: Matt

When I first arrived at Whammy's, I was terrified. I had just lost my parents and I didn't know a single person there; I felt like no one left in the world really, truly cared about me. Well, I suppose that's not being fair to Watari; he at least acted like he cared.

As Watari drove through the wrought iron gates that stood open so that we may pass, I looked out the window of the car at what would be my home for the next nine years. He was telling me something about Whammy's House and how I would like it there, but all I could think of was how much the snow covered building looked like a painting my mother had hanging in the living room.

He brought me up to my new room, stopping my roommate in the hall when he spotted him. Watari introduced me to Mello as Matt. It sounded so foreign even though Watari had briefed me on the whole keeping our real names a secret thing. It didn't matter; Matt wasn't my name.

I looked at the petit blond boy standing across from me. He looked so pretty, almost like a girl. But just as I thought this, he glared at me and I decided it would be a good idea to _never_ tell him this. He didn't say a word to me, and as soon as Watari had finished introducing us, he asked if he could go, speaking with a slight German accent, something he lost over time. The look he gave me, combined with the emotionless tone of voice he used, made me dread the prospect of having him as a roommate. I doubted if I would last two weeks.

Watari led me to my room, explaining that Mello had only arrived two months ago. I was confused at why he told me this at the time, wondering how this was supposed to make me feel better about the situation. He, of course, didn't mean anything by it; it was just a statement.

The room was about the same size as the room I had had back home; however, I would have to share this one. Watari told me that Mello and I would have to work out the sleeping arrangements. I was concerned that Mello wouldn't only force me to take the bottom bunk bed but wouldn't let me sleep in the room at all. I was told to go back downstairs to eat lunch in the cafeteria with the other children and that my stuff should be brought up by the time I was done. Watari encouraged me to try to make new friends at lunch. I ate alone.

I was almost reclusive my first month there, so I suppose it was a good thing that Mello at least allowed me the bottom bunk. We had a good system going: I wouldn't bother him and he would pretend I wasn't there. I spent a good 90% of my free time either sleeping or playing video games and everyone seemed to be fine with that; I didn't have to bother anyone that way.

I relished the time when I was left alone in my room. I would get out the small cardboard box I had put some of my parents' stuff in and just look through it: the NES that dad and I had played every night, the emerald necklace dad had given mom for their anniversary one year, the almost empty pack of cigarettes dad had forgotten on the coffee table that night, and a picture we had taken as a family when we had went to see Stonehenge the previous summer, among various other trinkets. I was so afraid that I would end up forgetting my parents. I guarded that box meticulously, hoping that no one would ever find it.

The only things that ever found a permanent home outside of the box were my dad's goggles which stayed with me at all times. Well, almost all times. A little over a month after I had moved in, I had left them in my room while I took a shower. I came back to find Mello swinging them around on his finger. I completely freaked out and started yelling at him. After I had taken them back, I realized what I had just done and braced myself for the punch in the face that I figured would follow. Mello surprised me; all I received was a short apology. It took me quite a while to finally trust him enough to leave my NES out.

At the end of March, we had to take the semi-annual ranking tests. It was the first one I had ever taken so I wasn't overly worried about the results. Mello, on the other hand, was different. It was also his first time taking the ranking tests, but he was determined to get the number one spot and so studied for weeks before the exams.

When the results were posted, Mello had to be the first to see. I'm fairly certain that the entire building heard when he saw that he hadn't ranked first. To his dismay, he only ranked second. I ended up with ninth, a score I was quite pleased with given the fact that I hadn't done anything to prepare. The ranking of first was taken by Near, who, at the time, I only recognized by name.

That was when Mello started hating Near. Before then, Mello had at least been civil towards him, but after Near became the only thing standing in the way of him reaching his goal, any cordiality he had expressed went out the window. I was sincerely glad that I had not somehow managed to rank above Mello; being his roommate would have given him ample opportunity to make my life a living Hell. I eventually climbed the ranks to the number three spot, but I never ranked above Mello, and he never ranked above Near.

As time went on, I became move comfortable with my new home. The weather was getting warmer, and so one day I decided to break the monotony of playing my Game Boy Color in my room by taking it outside and playing it there. This turned out to be a mistake…well, perhaps not a mistake exactly; it did after all lead to at least one positive consequence.

Having ventured out of my room, a couple of the older boys decided that now was a good time to bully me. Looking back on it, I was an awfully easy target. As the largest of them was about to deliver a blow that would have inevitably left me with a black eye, the most unlikely of people came to rescue me. Mello, who was actually shorter and certainly more effeminate in appearance than me at the time, came to help me. Despite my trying to follow his lead, I was not much of a fighter, but Mello fought valiantly.

Roger, as well as one of our professors, soon came over to break up the fight. I walked away with a bloody nose and Mello with a black eye. We were both punished despite the fact that it wasn't our fault, and on top of that, I got a lecture from Roger on how "this type of thing could be expected from Mello" and how he was "surprised and disappointed" in me.

After people started to hear about the fight, they started to think that I was "cool" but soon came to find out that I was still the same dork that I had always been. But Mello was different. To my surprise, we actually started to become friends after that. He was the one who forced me out of my shell and started to make life enjoyable again. I don't think he realizes how much I owe to him.

I still don't know why he decided to defend me; it was totally out of character and, as far as I could tell, not at all beneficial to him. At first, I wanted to ask him why he did it but was too afraid to; as time passed, I decided it didn't really matter anymore. I suppose there is still a lot that I don't know about my blond lover.

• • •

"Mels…?" Matt grumbled, still half asleep, "Mello?" Matt's hand felt around the other side of the bed but found nothing. He opened his eyes to look at the empty space beside him, and in his increasing state of consciousness, heard the shower running. He sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, the sheet tumbling down to pool at his waist. He looked down at himself, realizing that he was still naked. Matt blushed as he thought about the night before.

His pleasant memories were interrupted by a rather unpleasant realization: both he and the bed were a disgustingly sticky mess. Matt briefly considered joining Mello, but the shower was turned off before he could get up the courage to act on it.

Mello pushed the door open moments later, wearing nothing save for a towel around his waist and his rosary. "Good morning," he said as he pulled some clothes out of his closet. Matt could feel his cheeks start to burn.

"Good…morning." Having selected what he wanted to wear, Mello had simply dropped the towel and started getting dressed. He looked over at Matt as he pulled his pants up.

"Don't give me that look; it's not like you haven't seen it before."

"What look?" Matt said, turning to face any direction besides towards Mello.

"That cute embarrassed look you always get. If you want to go again, just tell me," Mello offered, glancing over at Matt, smirking.

Matt felt like his cheeks were on fire. He most certainly did not want to "go again;" he wanted to hide under the covers…perhaps after they had been washed.

In his flustered state, Matt suddenly remembered the dream he had had last night. He looked back towards Mello who was now pulling a shirt over his head. "Why did you fight those kids for me?" Not expecting the unrelated question, Mello gave Matt a look of confusion.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"At Whammy's, I was outside playing my Game Boy Color and those kids started picking on me and you came over and helped me fight them. Remember?" Based on Mello's expression, he did not remember. "Come on, Mels, think about it."

"Oh, right." Mello's expression changed to one of realization. "You mean _I_ fought them _for_ you. You really didn't do much to help." He came over to sit on the bed next to Matt.

"Whatever. Sorry I'm not that great of a fighter." He paused, looking at Mello expectantly. "Why did you help me?" Matt wasn't sure why, but he suddenly felt that this was something he needed to know.

Mello gave Matt a single soft kiss before responding. "Because you reminded me of how I used to be…," Mello said gently, "Now go get cleaned up and I'll _try_ to make us some breakfast." Matt complied reluctantly, feeling as though he was now left with more questions than answers.


	13. Chapter 13: Agreement

Author's note: In my mind, this story is divided into three parts. With this chapter begins the second part and also the part that the name "Dark Chocolate and Stale Cigarettes" comes from. I'm sorry that this chapter seems a little short and the ending doesn't really seem to end it at all, but really, it is only meant to set things up for the next however many chapters in this part.

The next two chapters are meant to be read together so I will be posting them at the same time. The only problem with this is that I probably won't be updating again for about two weeks. I apologize; I've been doing my best to make sure to post a chapter per week, but I just don't think there is anyway possible I can get two chapters done in one week.

I'm also planning a Christmas oneshot. I'm really excited about writing it which means I'll probably be trying to multitask by writing it while I work on the next two chapters. No worries though, this will not delay my next update for this story. I only have one more week of school before Christmas break, and no school equals more time to write. I anticipate having all three up right around Christmas.

* * *

Chapter 13: Agreement

Mello could hear Matt coughing as he carried the laundry basket down the stairs. He passed Matt, who was sitting on the couch playing video games, and entered the small laundry room at the back of the house. He heard Matt coughing again, more violently this time.

Mello was becoming increasingly worried about Matt's health. He had brought it up a couple days ago, but Matt had said that he was probably just getting sick. Mello, however, attributed it to the fact that Matt had seemed to be smoking a lot more than normal recently. When Mello had told him of his theory, Matt had denied it. But Mello didn't really care why Matt had been coughing so much lately; he hated that Matt smoked and so had used this opportunity to yell about how terrible smoking was for him and that he should quit. This had proved to only be effective in making Matt mad at him for the rest of the day. Mello was convinced that the only reason Matt had forgiven him at the end of the day was because he wanted to be let back into Mello's bed, which they had been sharing now for a little over a week.

Mello loaded the laundry into the washing machine, hearing the front door shut in the other room. Matt was probably going out to smoke again. Mello sighed, wishing Matt had never started smoking. He remembered how shocked he had been when he had first found out.

Mello remembered dragging himself from the building he had blown up, using his cell phone to call Matt when he had found a place to hide. He could still recall the pain he had been in, bringing him to such a state of desperation that he saw no other option than to call someone for help. A small part of him still hated himself for doing this. He normally never asked anyone for help; it was a sign of weakness.

The surprise had been evident in Matt's voice when he had answered the phone; Mello was certain that he had probably never expected to hear from him again. Mello had figured he wouldn't agree to help him, but to his surprise, Matt had agreed right away, no questions asked. The pain had caused him to black out soon after he had hung up.

When he had woken up, he was in a hotel room. The left side of his face and shoulder were bandaged but still hurt like hell. He had sat up, getting ready to go look for Matt who had apparently brought him there, when he saw him out on the balcony smoking. Mello had forced himself out of the bed and across the room. He had thrown open the screen door and yanked the cigarette out of Matt's hand just as he was bringing it to his lips again, only to throw it over the edge of the balcony.

Mello chuckled, remembering the look on Matt's face. But in all reality, he wished it had been that easy to get Matt to quit. He hated the fact that Matt smoked; he hated the fact that he was slowly killing himself and didn't seem to care. Mello decided something as he closed the washing machine lid: Matt was going to quit whether he wanted to or not.

Mello went into the living room to await Matt's return so that he could let him in on the plans he had for him. He wasn't exactly sure how he was going to convince Matt and so decided to just wing it. _If worst comes to worst, I could just tell him he can't sleep with me again until he quits; that should be pretty effective. But that would be punishing me as well…_

Mello's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Matt reentering the house. "By the way, as of now, you're going to quit smoking," Mello said before Matt could even sit down, his tone rather matter of fact.

"Wait, what?" Matt walked back over to the sofa and sat down.

"You heard me."

"Yeah, I did. I'm just wondering where you get off telling me what I'm going to do," Matt said, his voice becoming progressively more angered as he spoke.

"Well, since you apparently can't make good decisions for yourself, I'll do it for you," Mello said calmly.

"Good decisions, what, I," he sputtered. "What the fuck, Mello?"

"Yeah, Matt, what the fuck?" he said, his voice steadily rising, "Why are you so against quitting?"

"Why do you want me to quit so badly? You already make me go outside in this damned cold weather. I'm not hurting you by smoking."

"Really? Aren't you?" Mello returned, at this point yelling, "You're fucking _killing_ yourself with those things! Do you have any idea what it would do to me if you died?" Mello watched as the anger drained from Matt's face. He hesitated before responding.

"Okay… I'll try," he said quietly. Mello smiled inwardly at his triumph, holding his hand out towards Matt. "What?" he asked, seeing Mello's outstretched hand.

"Give them to me."

"Huh? No! I…I can control myself." His hand went to his vest pocket which he evidently had his pack of cigarettes stored in.

"No, you can't," Mello said simply, getting up from the chair he was seated in to stand directly in front of Matt. He looked up at Mello, his eyes pleading. "Come on. Give them to me." Matt looked away, his hand still over his pocket.

Mello suddenly lunged towards Matt, landing on top of him. He wasted no time, immediately going for Matt's pocket. Having forcibly taken the cigarettes from him, Mello sat up slightly, still sitting on top of Matt. "It's only because I love you, Mattie," Mello said, looking down at Matt who had turned his head away and appeared to be pouting.

"Obviously." A hint of sarcasm laced his tone. Mello took Matt's jaw in his free hand to force him to face back towards him. He leaned down and kissed Matt softly before climbing off of him and the couch. He started towards the kitchen and, therefore, the trashcan. "Wait!" he heard Matt say behind him. Mello turned around to look at Matt, who, to his surprise, was smiling. "It's not fair that I have to give up something and you don't." Mello felt his heart drop; he knew exactly where this was going. "If I have to give up smoking, then you should have to give up chocolate." Mello glared at him.

"It's different. Cigarettes are bad for you; dark chocolate has antioxidants and is, therefore, good for you."

"When whoever came up with that published his finding, I don't think he intended for people to make, oh, I don't know, about 80% of what they eat be chocolate," Matt said with a smirk.

"…but…chocolate can still be good for you…" Mello suddenly was worried that his plan had gone horribly wrong and he couldn't think of any way out of the corner he had been forced into.

"It doesn't matter. You're still addicted to it," Matt said defiantly.

"Well…why don't we try it for a week? I'll give up chocolate; you'll give up smoking, and after one week, we'll, um, talk about it again," Mello agreed reluctantly.

"Mkay," Matt said, obviously happy about his relative victory. Mello continued to the trashcan and crushed the almost empty pack of cigarettes in his hand before throwing them away. He turned around to return to the living room and found that Matt had followed him. "Your turn," Matt said.

"Fine," Mello sighed, leading Matt up to his room. He handed him his last three bars of chocolate.

"Is this everything?"

"Yeah. Do you have anymore cigarettes anywhere?"

"No, that was my last pack." Matt left the room, chocolate in hand. Seeing that Mello was following him, he said, "Don't worry. I'm not going to throw it out. I'm just going to hide it somewhere; you can get it back after the week is over."

"Good," Mello said, relieved, "There's no need to waste it."

"Says the guy who threw away my cigarettes."

"It doesn't matter; you'll be quitting permanently after this week."

"In that case, maybe I should just throw this away then," Matt said, looking down at the chocolate he held in his left hand.

"Like I said, you'll be quitting for at least a week." He would worry about the permanent change Matt would be making later; right now, his chocolate was at stake.

"Much better," Matt said triumphantly, "Now go away. I need to hide this somewhere." Mello went downstairs, fuming. He wasn't at all pleased with the unexpected change in who held the power in this situation, and especially not how Matt was getting really cocky about it.

If his chocolate wouldn't have been at risk, he would have put Matt in his place. _I'm the one who is supposed to have the power in this relationship, not him._ Mello sat back down in the plush chair in the living room, resting his head on his fist. He stared blankly at the TV and Matt's still paused game, waiting for him to return and wondering how his plan had gone so terribly wrong. _It's only a week. I can live without chocolate for a week._ This wasn't how things were supposed to have happened.


	14. Chapter 14: Desperation

Author's Note: Oh my, it feels like forever since I last updated this. I apologize, but I just couldn't post chapter 14 by itself. Chapters 14 and 15 are meant to be read together so please read them as such.

On another note, (late) Merry Christmas! I hope everyone had a happy holiday and like the presents they got (because no one likes waiting in the return line). I did a Christmas oneshot as a gift to my readers so if you have not read that, you should check it out. It's called "Unconventional" if anyone is interested. Anyway, I'm done advertising so on to what you are all here to read.

* * *

Chapter 14: Desperation

"Fuck!" Matt yelled. Game over. That was his last life. He threw the controller at the floor and watched as it impacted with a loud crack. It bounced once before coming to rest on the rug covered hard wood floor. The sound that it had made worried him a little, but he honestly didn't care about it enough to get up and see if it was broken.

Matt held his head in his hands, is fingers gripping his hair tightly. His right foot tapped rapidly at the floor. He hated this; he couldn't concentrate on anything. It had only been two days since he and Mello had made their agreement and all he could think of was cigarettes and how he couldn't have them.

But Mello didn't seem to be all that affected. He was perhaps more on edge without chocolate, but it wasn't exactly difficult to anger him anyway, so it didn't make that much of a difference. This bothered Matt; while he was suffering, Mello was acting as if nothing was wrong. He hated Mello for it. He hated Mello for forcing him to quit smoking.

A small voice in the back of his brain chided him for even thinking that he could hate Mello. No, he didn't hate Mello; he hated that Mello was right. He knew that smoking was bad for him, and he knew that he should have quit a long time ago. To be completely honest, he wished that he had never started.

His head was starting to hurt and the morning light streaming in through the window didn't help nor did Mello's pounding footfalls as he ran down the stairs. "Are you okay? I heard a crash," Mello said, his speech somewhat muffled. Matt didn't want to look up from the small burn mark left on the rug by one of his cigarettes. He remembered accidently dropping it while playing video games. He had been so worried that Mello would see it when he came home, but the blond had never said anything about it.

Matt slowly brought his goggle covered eyes up to meet Mello's. A worried expression adorned Mello's features as he stood looking down at Matt, toothbrush still hanging from his mouth. "Does it fucking look like I'm okay?" His voice was monotone and shook slightly as he spoke.

"I'm sorry. I-" Mello leaned down, placing his arms around Matt who pulled away as if Mello's touch was electrified. He got up abruptly and moved away from Mello.

"I'm going to take a shower," he said flatly.

"Do you want me to join you? It could take your mind off of-"

"No," Matt cut him off without even a glance back. Instantly, he felt bad about how he had treated Mello, but just like with the controller, he didn't care enough to go see if things were all right.

Matt slammed the bathroom door behind him and locked it. He didn't care that Mello was in the middle of brushing his teeth; he could finish in the kitchen sink.

Matt braced himself on the edge of the sink and stared into the mirror covered doors of the medicine cabinet. His haggard countenance stared back at him with displeasure. He looked away in disgust.

He pulled each article of clothing from his body haphazardly, letting them drop to the tiled floor. Matt stepped into the shower and turned it on, increasing the heat until it was almost painful, hoping that the searing droplets pelting his bare skin would take his mind off of his withdrawal. It seemed as if every fiber in his body was desperately calling out for a fix of nicotine.

Matt stood, eyes closed, face upturned toward the source of water, letting the angry hot liquid beads hit his face. He tried to think of nothing except the heat that coursed over the surface of his body.

The second he tried to clear his mind, it seemed as if every thought he had ever had tried to make its presence known. In the montage of thoughts, he picked out one very recent one that almost seemed laughable in retrospect. _As if anything Mello could do would take my mind off of it._ He pulled away from the water and pushed his bangs out of his eyes. The heat had finally became too much to bare. He quickly plunged his head back into the oncoming stream to saturate his tangled hair with water.

Finding a connection to cling to, his mind moved on to the night before. The placid moment of almost calm that he had been allowed abandoned Matt, replacing itself with a slowly building anger. Back to the reality of his situation. Back to his pounding head and the nicotine craving that had become so strong that it blotted out all else. _I can't even fucking enjoy sex like this._ The night before, he had went through the motions, had really tried to take his mind off of his growing need for cigarettes but to no avail. His body had responded, but Matt had found no satisfaction in Mello's touch.

His anger fed itself, building to a rage. He loved Mello for his attempts to help him, but he hated him for doing this to him. _This is his fault! This is all his fucking fault!_ He felt a pain in his right hand and looked up to see the side of his fist pressed to the tile coved shower wall. It had seemingly rammed itself into the wall of its own accord. He removed it, seeing the uneven tile whose corner was the culprit of his newest source of discomfort.

But it looked odd, slightly discolored. He reached up with his left hand, running his finger over the surface. He looked at the red pigment that now covered the tip of his finger, dumbfounded. He glanced down, seeing blood drip form his right hand to the shower floor, the water diluting it as it flowed towards the drain. Matt brought his hand up to inspect it more closely and was taken aback by the small gash that stood out against his pale skin.

He was suddenly hit by another craving. It coursed through his body like poison through his veins. _That's it. I need a cigarette._ He quickly washed his hair and body and turned the shower off.

He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, not bothering to dry off. He threw open the door with more force than was needed and went to his room. He hastily got dressed and stepped back out into the hall, finding Mello at the bathroom doorway about to return his toothbrush to the medicine cabinet.

"What the hell did you do? You look like a lobster," Mello said jokingly.

"Hot shower," Matt returned bluntly. He pushed past Mello and practically ran down the stairs, almost tripping once in his haste. _I need an excuse. Something that won't make Mello suspicious…_ He went to the kitchen, hoping desperately that they were out of something. Upon throwing open the refrigerator door he was relieved to find that they had almost no food. He ran to the front door, grabbing his keys off the small hook on the wall.

"Where are you going?" Mello said as Matt was about to turn the handle, his suspicion presented clearly in his voice. Matt turned around in time to see Mello reach the bottom of the stairs.

"Store. We're out of food." He tried again to exit the house that was quickly becoming his prison but was stopped a second time. Mello grabbed his shoulder and spun him around so that they were standing face to face.

"Awfully eager, aren't we?"

"Just…really hungry." He refused to make eye contact.

"Well let's see what we have," Mello said, guiding Matt away from the door and back towards the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator door and was greeted with an empty expanse of shelves dotted with a sparse quantity of items: an almost empty carton of milk, a bottle of ketchup, a small amount of butter, but no real food. "I guess we really _don't_ have much." It was clear by his tone that this was not what he had expected.

"What? You didn't believe me?" Matt wasn't entirely sure if he was offended or not. All he cared about was getting out of Mello's sight so that he could leave. Mello didn't respond but shut the door and moved on to a cabinet, pulling out a box of macaroni and cheese.

"Here," he said, handing the box to Matt, "eat this. It looked like there was enough milk left to make it. I'll go to the store."

"No! I-I mean, it's…it's fine. I don't mind going. I really don't want macaroni and cheese anyway." Matt was trying to stay calm but knew that he was doing a terrible job portraying it.

"If you're so hungry that you didn't even have time to at least dry your hair a little, you should just stay here and eat what we have," Mello said, commenting on Matt's still dripping hair. He left Matt without waiting for a response. Matt followed him back to the living room, where he was already at the front door, putting on his leather jacket.

"What are you doing?" Matt asked, his mouth going dry when he saw that Mello was taking both sets of keys.

"Do you think I'm an idiot? I know why you want to go to the store, Matt, and it's not for food. I'm not letting you throw away the progress you've made so far." He was about to shut the door behind him when he stuck his head back in. "Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone."

The closed door shut out his last opportunity to relieve the torture that his withdrawal was actively tormenting him with. Feeling utterly defeated, he returned to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee, hoping that caffeine would somehow prove to be a substitute for nicotine.

Having nothing to do while he waited for the coffee, he sat down at the table and tried to convince himself that he could beat this. _I can do this. I don't need to smoke. It's all in my head. I just need to focus on something else, and I'll be fine. But what should I focus on? These tiles are kind of ugly; I've never really noticed them before. No, this isn't working._ He looked over at the coffee pot. It only had about a millimeter of coffee in the bottom. _I can't do this. There has to be a cigarette __**somewhere **__in the house._ He got up, pushing the chair back so forcefully that it almost toppled over and started his search.

He paused for a moment at the threshold of the living room, not knowing where to start. As the craving intensified, he knew that it didn't matter where he started; he wasn't stopping until he found a cigarette.

The couch cushions were tossed halfway across the room so that he may look under them. The couch and chair were pushed out of the way so that he could see what lie under them. He moved the coffee table out of the way and picked up the rug. Nothing. _There has to be one in my room._ He ran up the stairs, leaving the living room in disarray.

Matt threw open his bedroom door, causing it to bang loudly against the door stopper. Clothes were dumped out of his dresser. The contents of the drawer of his night stand joined the clothes on the floor. He searched under the bed, under the mattress, and between the sheets. He yanked the closet door open and started rummaging through the random items he had tossed to the closet floor for no better place to put them.

As the closet was emptied, Matt started to worry that he might not be able to find a cigarette. He pulled out the last thing lying on the closet floor, his duffle bag, and opened it. He ran his hand along the interior, finding nothing. Refusing to give up, he turned it upside down, shaking it vigorously. A single cigarette fell out. It wasn't in the best of shape and he wasn't sure how long it had been in there, but Matt didn't care.

He abandoned the duffle bag and returned to the other side of his bed. Getting to his hands and knees, he shuffled though what had been in his night stand before he had dumped it out. Finally, his lighter. Matt sat down on the floor, leaning against the side of his bed. He placed the cigarette between his lips and lit it. Matt breathed in slowly, the stale taste reminding him of his first cigarette.


	15. Chapter 15: Family

Chapter 15: Family

Mello drove up in front of the house, cutting the engine before stepping out into the cold. He went around to the back of the car to retrieve the three large bags of groceries from the trunk. He managed to carry all three of them to the house but had a difficult time actually opening the front door. Balancing one of the bags on his knee to free one of his hands, he slowly turned the handle and pushed the door open, being careful not to drop anything.

"What the fuck…?" With the door now open, he had a clear view of the living room. It was a complete and utter mess. And why the couch cushions were lying on the floor, a good ten feet from the couch, he had no idea. _How…? I was gone for maybe forty-five minutes, at most. How the hell did this happen?_

Mello closed the door behind him and paused. Was something burning? He sat the grocery bags down on the floor and rushed to the kitchen, the smell of burnt coffee growing stronger as he got closer. He quickly shut the coffee maker off and sat the coffee pot on the stove to cool off.

"Matt!" he called angrily, "Are you trying to burn down the fucking house?" He returned to the living room. "Damn it, Matt! Where are you?" Mello suddenly felt very uneasy. Matt was eccentric, yes; odd, of course; but leaving the house like this, forgetting to turn off the coffee maker, these weren't things he would expect from Matt. Starting to become worried, he called out more gently, "Matt?"

No answer. Mello climbed the stairs hesitantly. If this is how Matt had left the first floor, he was concerned with what mess awaited him upstairs. "Matt?" he tried again. Nothing.

Mello came to Matt's room, finding the door open about an inch. He pushed it open slowly, noticing first the chaos that the room had been left in and then the red hair that could be seen over the side of the bed. "Matt… What's wrong? Are you okay?" He wished he had not left Matt alone; something was obviously very wrong.

"Leave me alone." His voice sounded strained. It was true that he had been distant for the last couple days, but Mello couldn't just ride this off as Matt being more withdrawn than normal. Ignoring Matt's demand, he stepped forward, moving to the side of the bed Matt was on.

The sight that came into view created a feeling of pity in Mello. Matt was leaning against the side of the bed, his knees drawn up to his chest, his face buried in his knees. His goggles lay on the floor next to him along with a lighter; the smell of cigarette smoke hung in the air. Mello felt like he should be angry that Matt hadn't kept his end of their agreement but found that he couldn't be, not with the given circumstances.

As he bent down next to Matt, Mello's attention was drawn to one of the many things littering the floor around them, something he had never seen before. It was a rather worn out picture of a man, a woman, and a young boy standing together, Stonehenge visible in the background. Mello recognized the boy in the picture instantly; that was how Matt had looked when he had first arrived at Whammy's ten years ago. Except, of course, he hadn't been smiling then like he was in the picture. To his right was a man who looked strikingly like Matt, even down to the goggles which were perched atop his head for the photo. The only notable difference was his clothing; the man was not wearing Matt's characteristic stripes. To the left was a woman who Mello presumed to be Matt's mother. She was stunningly beautiful. Her long, light brown hair was blown to the side by an invisible wind. The thin straps of the summer dress she was wearing exposed the soft olive tone of her skin. Her smile reached her dark blue eyes. A square cut emerald crowned with three diamonds hung on a thin silver chain around her neck. Mello could only imagine what Matt's life had been like before Whammy's, but this picture gave him some idea of how happy he had been.

Mello kneeled down next to Matt, who hadn't moved since he had entered. "Tell me what's wrong," Mello implored. He placed his hand lightly on Matt's shoulder, a gesture he intended to be reassuring, only to have him jerk away. Matt picked his head up from his knees and glared at Mello. His eyes were red as if he had been crying.

"Don't touch me," he spat, "Don't act like you care. This is your fault."

The venom filled words truly hurt Mello. All he could offer was a weak "I'm sorry." He hadn't even considered how difficult quitting might be on Matt, not only physically but mentally and emotionally as well. "I never meant it to turn out like this."

"Maybe you should have considered that before you left."

With this, Mello was sincerely confused. _How does me leaving to go to the grocery store have anything to do with this? Granted, this probably wouldn't have happened if I hadn't have left. But how was I supposed to know?_ He wasn't entirely sure how to respond to this but didn't have to as Matt continued without further prompting.

"I'd already lost my family once, Mello. You were the only family I had and you _left_ me!" Tears could be seen welling up and pooling at the edges of his eyes as he spoke.

Mello hated himself. _I knew it was hard on Matt when I left Whammy's, but I had no idea…I had no idea._ A tear rolled down Matt's cheek.

"I hated you when you left. I hated that stupid note saying that you were leaving and that you couldn't say good bye because you wouldn't be able to leave if you did. Bull shit. You were going to leave anyway, and you knew it. You could have at least told me to my face." Mello could feel his throat grow tight. He wanted to tell Matt just how wrong he was, but his mouth did not seem to want to form the words. "Even after you _abandoned_ me I couldn't stay mad at you. I was furious for about a day, but after that I just became really depressed. At least my parents didn't choose to leave me; you left because you wanted to.

"I hated myself for missing you, for wanting you to come back. I just wanted the pain to go away. My dad had always smoked when he was upset; I knew that I shouldn't do it, but I didn't care. If there was even a slight chance that it would help, I was willing to take whatever risk it came with.

"I already had some cigarettes that I had taken with me after my parents died. They had been my dad's and so were really stale by then. They tasted terrible and made me feel sick, but it sort of worked; my main concern switched from my own self pity to how I was going to get more cigarettes." Matt picked up the photograph and looked at it, tears streaming freely from his eyes now.

"Matt," Mello said as gently as he could, "I'm so sorry." He placed his arms around Matt in an embrace. Although he didn't push Mello away this time, he tensed under his touch. "You may not believe me, but I am sorry. I didn't want to leave you, I felt like I had to. I've regretted that decision more times than you would think possible. And no matter what you think, I wouldn't have been able to leave if I had tried to say good bye to you. I felt terrible about leaving you with only that note, but it was the only way I could think to do it." He pulled back slightly so that he could look Matt in the eye.

Matt looked away, but Mello wasn't going to give up. He placed a hand under Matt's chin and lifted it so that he was looking straight at him; he didn't resist. Mello leaned his forehead against Matt's, looking into his beautiful emerald eyes. "I love you, Matt. More than anything else in the world, and it hurts me to see you like this. I hate myself for doing this to you, and I would understand if you could never forgive me, but I would never do that to you again. You don't have to worry about me leaving you, Mattie. I'm not going anywhere." The anger in Matt's eyes melted away and was replaced by sadness at these words.

"You can't promise that," he said quietly.

"You're wrong. I _can_ promise that because I love you too much to even think about leaving. It would kill me to leave, and it kills me now seeing how hurt you are." Matt suddenly flung his arms around Mello, letting the last of his tears fall. Mello returned the hug graciously.

When Matt pulled back, he wiped at his eyes with his sleeve drawing Mello's attention to the blood stain that soiled the bottom most white stripe. "What happened?"

"What?" Matt looked down at his sleeve. "Oh, that. Just a little cut. No big deal."

Mello jumped up and started for the door. "Stay here," he commanded, turning around once to make sure Matt was not following him. He was a little worried that something might happen in his absence but felt guilty about the whole occurrence and wanted to do something for Matt, no matter how small or insignificant. He returned with a bottle of disinfectant, a cotton ball to apply it with, and a bandage.

"You don't have to do that. I told you it was fine." Mello was relieved to see the small smile that graced Matt's features.

"Let me see it," he said, ignoring Matt's protest. He held up his hand for Mello to see, displaying the small but deep looking cut.

Matt did not pay attention as Mello applied the disinfectant, wiping away the dried blood surrounding the cut, but instead looked down at the picture on the floor next to him. "Do you remember your parents at all? You've…never said anything about them." Mello, about to place the bandage over the cut, paused at the unexpected question.

"I, um, don't. I lived at a Catholic orphanage before being brought to Whammy's." He finished adhering the bandage to Matt's hand.

"In Germany, right?" Mello looked at him in surprise.

"How did you know?"

"You still had a little bit of an accent when I first met you."

"Oh, right." He had done his best to get rid of his accent as quickly as possible. Once it was gone, that was one less thing to remind him about his life before Whammy's. He didn't like to think about it, but since Matt seemed to want to know… Mello sat down next to Matt, leaning his back against the side of the bed. "I spent my entire life before Whammy's at that orphanage. I hated it there, mainly because all the other children made fun of me…said I looked like a girl. I suppose I did…

"The nuns who ran the orphanage were all pretty strict, but there was one who was always nice to me and would listen to my troubles. Sister Katharina was the closest thing to family that I had. Her advice to me was always to be strong and God would answer my prayers." He gave a small mirthless laugh. "That never happened. I believed all that religious crap they taught me… Wasted time, wasted effort.

"The one thing I always prayed for was a family. Not long before Watari came to get me, it seemed like a lot of the other children were getting adopted. I asked Sister Katharina where my parents were and if I would be getting adopted soon too. Her response to both questions was that she didn't know but that I should trust God's plan." He held up the rosary hanging from his neck. "She gave this to me that day. Told me to use it to pray. I did, but that wasn't good enough.

"I knew that there were files on each of the children there. I figured mine might have something about my birth parents so I broke into the main office one night to look. All it said was that my mother had dropped me off there when I was only a couple months old.

"I didn't get caught, but I told Sister Katharina about what I had done and asked her about my mother. She told me what she knew, which wasn't much. She said that my mother had came to the orphanage and told them that she couldn't take care of me. She wouldn't explain her situation or even give them her name. She left quickly after telling them the name she had given me and my birthday. Other than that, the only information Sister Katharina had was that she had beautiful blond hair and pale blue eyes and that she had spoken in a Slovenian accent.

"After finding out that my mother had abandoned me, I became disillusioned with the whole religion thing. I couldn't believe that God would do that to me and so stopped believing in Him. I resented the nuns, including Sister Katharina, for telling me what I decided were lies. I acted really mean towards them and got in trouble a lot after that. If Watari hadn't have brought me to Whammy's House, I think they would have probably sent me to a different orphanage. But that didn't matter because he did. Apparently I scored high enough on some government required test I had taken to catch his attention. When I was told that I would be moving to a different orphanage, I decided that I was going to do what I had to in order to make sure that I wouldn't be bullied by the other children again. I didn't used to be the violent, angry person that you saw when you first met me; I became him to protect myself."

"Why do you still wear the rosary if you hate the memories attached to it?" Matt's voice was quiet, hesitant.

"When I left the orphanage in Germany, I considered not even taking it with me. I wanted to completely leave my old life behind. As Watari was about to pull away from the orphanage, I told him to stop and ran back inside to get it. I don't really know why, but I just couldn't stand the thought of leaving it behind. When we arrived in England, I packed it away and forgot about it until I…until I left." He stopped and looked at Matt; he didn't want to bring it back up if it was only going to hurt him. Matt's eyes displayed only a hint of the sadness they had held earlier. Instead, they seemed curious, urging Mello to continue. "When I was going through my stuff, trying to get together what I wanted to take with me, I found it. I remember I was trying to finish before you came back to our room so that you wouldn't see me packing. I kind of just threw it in my bag without thinking. I guess I took it because it was the only connection I had to either of the two people who ever felt like family. I actually considered stealing something of yours but decided you would hate me enough already.

"After that, I started wearing it all the time. I still feel guilty about how I treated Sister Katharina after I found out about my parents. It wasn't her fault. But I suppose there's nothing I can do about it now." Matt offered him a smile.

"Thank you for telling me all this." Mello hugged him, holding him close.

"Thank you for always being there for me even though I wasn't always there for you," he whispered. Ready to move on before they got into some other profound topic, Mello cleared his throat and got up, taking Matt by the hand and pulling him to his feet. "Let's clean this mess up." Mello started by folding the clothes that had been dumped on the floor but stopped suddenly when he heard Matt.

"I'm sorry," Matt said meekly.

"It's okay. It won't take that long to clean up." He continued his task as he spoke.

"No. I mean, I gave in…I smoked." Mello stopped folding and turned around this time.

"It's okay, Mattie. Just…don't do it again," he said simply.

"I don't think you understand what it's like. I want to quit, but…I'm not strong enough."

"Yes you are. You said you want to quit so you're already halfway there. And I'll help you. You don't have to do it alone if you don't want to."

"Thanks, but I don't know what you'll be able to do."

"I'll do whatever I can. If I have to, I'll tie you to a chair." A large smile spread across Mello's face. _I could have fun with this…_

"Thanks. That's _very_ reassuring," Matt returned sarcastically.

* * *

A/N: I fought with myself over these chapters, especially chapter 15. I felt that Mello seemed kind of OOC but eventually decided that, given the situation, it was okay. There was that and the fact that things were kind of over dramatic in both chapters. After I was done writing them, I actually really liked the melodramatic aspects and so kept these chapters the way they were.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed chapters 14 and 15. These were actually two of the earliest chapters that I had planned out way before I was even sure that I wanted to start writing a fanfiction. Wow that seems like forever ago…

Review please?


	16. Chapter 16: Strength

Chapter 16: Strength

"Matt!" Mello called from downstairs.

"Oh my God. Please just leave me alone," Matt said quietly, knowing that there was no way for Mello to hear as he walked towards the stairs.

"Matt, what are you doing!"

"What do you want?" he said audibly this time. He started down the stairs towards the angry blond waiting for him.

"You said you were going to the bathroom. THAT WAS TEN MINUTES AGO! Now, I'm no expert, but last time I checked, it shouldn't take that long."

"I'm sorry, okay? I don't need a babysitter 24/7." To be completely honest, the entire ten minutes, he had spent hiding out in his room. In his opinion, Mello was becoming extremely overbearing. When he had said that he was going to help Matt quit smoking, Mello had apparently thought this meant that he had to spend every waking and, for that matter, non-waking hour of the day with him. Matt really was grateful for the effort Mello was putting into helping him, but he was getting a little tired of it.

"Oh really?" Mello said, still very angry. "I'm sorry for tying to help you, and I'm sorry that I don't want a repeat of two days ago."

"_Help me_? You could _help me_ by giving me a little room to breathe!"

"Fine then." Mello stomped off in the direction of the front door. "You want space, I'll give you space." He slammed the door behind him.

Matt stood, staring at the door. _He's bluffing. He didn't even grab a jacket._ Although it was starting to get a little warmer out, it was still no where near warm enough to go out without any sort of coat. The door swung open again.

"Good bye!" Mello said, taking his leather jacket from the coat rack and slamming the door a second time.

_Still bluffing. There is no way he would actually leave._ He heard Mello's motorcycle start up outside. _Shit! He's not bluffing!_ Matt threw open the door and started running to the spot where the motorcycle still stood. "No! Don't leave! I'm sorry!" Seeing Matt running towards him, Mello took the key out of the ignition, effectively quieting the engine.

"So you want me to stay then?" Mello asked, his voice confident despite the question.

"Yes. Don't go." Matt panted. The short distance he had run had him breathing heavily.

"Fine. If you insist." Mello dismounted the motorcycle and headed for the house, Matt trailing behind him.

"So what did you have in mind?" Matt said, shutting the door.

"You choose if you think I'm being too controlling." It was clear that he was still angry by his tone.

"Mels, really, it's fine. What did you have planned?"

"Do you want to make cookies?" Matt looked at him, dumbfounded. The serious expression Mello wore did not match the seemingly carefree question or the visual Matt's mind produced. He had known Mello to _steal_ cookies from the kitchen at Whammy's, but he would never think that he would volunteer to _make_ them. As soon as he tried to picture it, the image of Mello wearing a pink, frilly apron came to mind.

"What?" Matt asked. Surely he must have heard wrong.

"You know, Matt, cookies. They're round and usually about this big," he said, holding up his hands to form a circle with his thumbs and index fingers. "If I remember correctly, your favorite kind is peanut butter."

"I know what cookies are," Matt said, rolling his eyes, "but _you_ want to _make_ them? Like from scratch or did you buy the cookie dough?"

"I printed off a recipe this morning while you were still asleep."

"And we have all the ingredients?"

"Yeah, believe it or not, I actually did plan this out," Mello said, annoyance evidenced in his voice.

"Um…okay. Let's make cookies then I guess." Matt followed him into the kitchen, not being able to help but look at the chart Mello had stuck to the front of the refrigerator. A small red magnet marked his location at day two.

The chart was another of Mello's ideas for helping him. He thought that if Matt could visualize his goal then it would be easier to reach. It was supposed to show how many cravings the average person has when they quit smoking. Matt thought that it was ridiculous that some piece of paper Mello had found on the internet was supposed to tell him how he should feel, but he couldn't tell Mello this because he knew that he really was trying hard to help him. _Maybe I should hide my laptop so he doesn't get any other ideas…_

The red magnet seemed to glare back at him, taunting him. The black line spiked up between days zero and one, increasing less dramatically until day three. After 72 hours, the nicotine from his last cigarette was supposed to be out of his system. The line claimed that things were supposed to be easier after day three.

But things were easier this time all around. Despite his complaints, despite his annoyance with Mello's micromanaging, it did seem that staying busy helped. Because of his breakdown, he had to start back over with day zero. He remembered how hard that had been, his last day two, but now that he had reached it once again, he found that it just didn't compare, a fact that he was very grateful for.

"Let's see…" Mello said, taking the folded up recipe out of his pocket, "Could you get out the butter and eggs?" Matt, still standing in front of the refrigerator, took out the two ingredients while Mello started shuffling through the cupboards in search of what else they needed. When he had gathered the other ingredients of peanut butter, sugar, brown sugar, baking soda, baking powder, vanilla extract, and flour, he referenced the recipe again.

"What, no apron?" Matt asked, still thinking of the pink one he had imagined Mello in.

"Huh?" He looked up from the recipe, obviously not having heard what Matt had said.

"Never mind. It's not important," he returned with a playful smile. Mello gave him a strange look but otherwise dismissed it.

"So it says we are supposed to use an electric hand mixer to combine this stuff, but we don't have one so you're going to have to do it by hand," he said, getting out a measuring cup and a set of measuring spoons.

"Do you have any idea how hard it's going to get doing this by hand? And what do you mean _I'm_ going to have to do it? This was your idea." Matt took the measuring cup and started with the flour.

"You're the one who likes peanut butter cookies."

"So you're saying you won't be having any of them?"

"I never said _that_."

"Then why don't you do it?" Mello didn't answer for a moment. _Ha! I win. Let's see him come up with a reasonable answer now._

"…because if it makes you arm hurt it will help distract you." Mello grinned triumphantly.

"Oh, so you _want_ my arm to hurt. Some boyfriend you are."

"Of course not," he returned, feinting offense, "I'm only trying to think of ways to help keep your mind off of smoking."

"Yeah, _that's_ what you're doing… Fine. I'll do it," Matt said, not at all happy that he had lost.

With all of the ingredients measured out and in the bowl, he took the wooden spoon that Mello handed him rather forcefully. He started stirring but soon stopped when he saw Mello just leaning against the counter watching him. "Are you going to do something useful or are you just going to stand there while I do all the work?"

"You know, you're really cute when you pout." Matt blushed; he had no idea he had been pouting.

"So…could you put some of this away?" he asked, ignoring what Mello had said. By the look on Mello's face, he knew exactly where Mello's mind was, and it was not on baking cookies. But there was no way he was having sex right then, especially not in the kitchen.

"Fine," Mello sighed, clearly disappointed. Matt returned to mixing, but before Mello was even done putting everything away, his arm was starting to get tired. He was trying to think of some way to get back at Mello when his eyes fell upon the one thing that had not yet been put away: the flour. Without really thinking, he took a tablespoon out of the nearby silver wear drawer and used it to fling a spoon full of flour at the back of Mello's head. As Mello shut the refrigerator door, flour rained down over him.

"What the hell, Matt? How old are you, five?" Mello yanked the bag of flour off the counter and went to put it away. Matt went back to mixing, vowing to think things though more often.

Suddenly, half a bag of flour was dumped on top of Matt's head. Mello rubbed it into his hair causing more of it to fall over Matt's face. "Really?" Matt said, glad that he was wearing his goggles, "Who's being immature now?" Not wanting to waste the cookie dough, he took up the next closest available "weapon": the spray nozzle of the kitchen sink. He turned the water on and pointed it at Mello's face.

Mello tried to pry it out of Matt's hands but only succeeded in pointing it away from him. In one final attempt to yank it away from Matt, he slipped on the now wet linoleum floor. He fell backwards, hitting the back of his head on the hard ground.

"Are you okay?" Matt asked, sincerely worried that Mello might really be hurt. He fell to his knees and leaned over Mello, whose hand suddenly shot up to tangle in Matt's hair, pulling him down into a kiss. Matt abruptly pulled away.

"Not now." Although he wanted Mello too, it had been a few days since they had expressed any intimacy, and since their last time he had been preoccupied with his withdrawal, he was a little apprehensive. He wanted to wait until he was certain that his addiction no longer had hold of him.

"Why not? _Now_ is when I'm horny." He wished Mello wouldn't be so blunt sometimes, then being one of those times.

"For one, we're in the kitchen. We are not having sex in the kitchen; that's just gross," Matt said, getting up from the floor. He picked the recipe up off the counter and read the rest of it.

"Not even going to help me up after I fell and hit my head because of you?" he heard Mello say behind him.

"You can't be _that_ hurt," Matt mumbled, becoming annoyed by Mello's persistence. Mello hugged him from behind, placing his chin on Matt's shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I won't do anything else, okay?" Although he knew that Mello was only apologizing because he was hoping that Matt would change his mind later, he appreciated the apology all the same.

"Sure you won't," Matt said sarcastically, "But it's okay." He turned around to kiss Mello softly on the lips. "The recipe says to stick the dough in the fridge for an hour. That should give us plenty of time to clean this up."

After the flour and water had been cleaned up, and they had changed into some dry clothes, 45 minutes had passed. Deciding this had been long enough, Matt pulled the dough out of the refrigerator. Mello turned on the over to preheat it.

"Okay, let's do this. I'm starting to get kind of hungry," Mello said, taking a baking sheet from the cupboard. Matt stared down into the mixing bowl which still held the cookie dough; his body was starting to call out for a cigarette. "Hey, are you okay?" Mello asked, noticing his peculiar reaction.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Let's, um…yeah, let's hurry up." He looked up from the bowl at Mello, who looked concerned.

"Sure." Mello took some of the dough and started forming it into small spheres while Matt flattened each one out on the baking sheet with a fork, creating a criss-cross pattern on each of the cookies. Mello washed the cookie dough from his hands, grabbed the baking sheet, and put it in the oven, setting the timer. He didn't notice Matt leave.

Matt wandered to the living room and sat down on the couch. He ran a hand though his hair and tried to focus on something, anything, besides how badly he wanted a cigarette. "Matt?" Mello said from the kitchen, apparently discovering that he had left. Soon, he appeared at the threshold between the living room and kitchen. Matt quickly looked away; he hated Mello seeing him like this.

In his endeavor to find a way to think of something besides smoking, Matt did not notice Mello traverse the distance between them. He was surprised when Mello sat on him, straddling his hips. "Now's not the time," Matt said, his voice strained. He still refused to look at Mello, hoping in vain that he would go away.

"Matt, look at me," Mello said, cupping Matt's face in his hands and gently guiding it to face him. "Focus on me; focus on my voice. You can get through this, okay? Just a couple minutes and it will pass. Are you listening, Mattie?" He removed Matt's goggles and placed them on the couch cushion next to them. Despite Mello having let his face go, he stared into Mello's sapphire eyes concentrating on him and nothing else. "Cigarettes don't control your life anymore. You can beat this, and then you'll be free."

He believed Mello. It _would_ pass and he _would_ win. In a few minutes, everything would be okay again, and they would be enjoying the cookies they had made together. As long as Mello was there, he would be strong enough; everything would be okay.

* * *

Author's Note: Happy New Year! Thought I'd lighten things up a little since the previous two chapters were more on the serious side. A friend suggested that they bake cookies for the Valentine's Day chapter, but I felt that I was already trying to cram enough into that chapter and so decided against it. I think it works out quite nicely here though. Plus "baking cookies" became a euphemism for sex in my English class last year so I enjoyed the irony since Matt made it quite clear that he would not have sex in the kitchen. I think that's enough of my rambling for now. I leave you with one question: So was Mello really thinking about baking cookies? ;)

Please review :)


	17. Chapter 17: Concern

Chapter 17: Concern

Mello threw the bedroom door open. It slammed against the door stopper with a loud bang. _There, if he's not away yet, he should be now._ Mello stepped into the still dark room and opened the shades on the windows.

"No. Too early," Matt mumbled into the sheets, pulling them up over his head.

"It's 11:30. You waste your life sleeping." Mello went to his closet. In contrast to his usual leather apparel, he chose a rather plain black t-shirt and a pair of skinny jeans. Once fully clothed, he brushed out his wet, blond hair, looking at his reflection in the small mirror that hung on the wall. He hated the scar that covered the left side of his face; he missed the beautiful, unmarred skin that used to reside there. _Not that there's anything I can do about it…_

Mello glanced back over at the bed. A large lump of covers still occupied it. "Seriously. Time to get up." Mello attempted to pull the blankets from Matt's form but only succeeded in removing the comforter.

"I'm still sleeping." A very groggy sounding Matt clutched at the remaining blankets, pulling them more tightly around himself.

"Yeah. In _my_ bed. Get out."

"Why can't you just let me sleep?" Matt whined. Mello was starting to get irritated; he hated when Matt whined.

"Because we're going out. Now get your ass out of my bed and go get ready."

"Really?" Matt peeked up from under the covers suddenly interested. Mello nodded slowly. "Give me ten minutes," Matt said, jumping out of bed and running for the door.

Although it was true that he hadn't let Matt leave the house since he had quit smoking, Mello still found his reaction to be overzealous. But Mello was excited about going as well. Because he had made it his personal goal to make quitting easier on Matt, he didn't want to let him near any place that sold cigarettes which meant Matt couldn't leave the house. Unfortunately, since he had to actually be with Matt to make sure that he stayed busy, neither could Mello.

And there honestly wasn't much to do in the house. Mello had completely exhausted every idea he could think of to keep Matt's mind off smoking. There was always the option of playing video games, but he could only take so much of the mind numbing idleness that came with them before going insane.

Mello left his room and walked to the bathroom to retrieve his hairdryer; if Matt's claim of being ready in ten minutes was anywhere near true, there was no way his hair was going to be dry by the time they left, at least not if he let it air dry.

Hearing the bathroom door open, Matt called from behind the shower curtain, "I'm almost done."

"You don't have to rush. I'm just drying my hair." He flipped the hairdryer on, starring into the foggy mirror. His mind soon wandered to Matt who happened to be standing, completely naked, not even five feet away. The only thing that separated them was the thin shower curtain. _Speaking of things we haven't done in awhile… But he's been awfully resistant. He always just says 'not now.' Isn't he interest anymore? Well, I haven't been wearing my leather as much recently. Maybe he's more turned on by that. I should at least change back into my leather pants._

He finished drying his hair and went to his room, pulling out a pair of leather pants. As he unzipped the fly of the skinny jeans he was wearing, Matt entered the room. Since he had been sleeping in Mello's room every night, they had moved most of his clothes there for convenience.

"What are you doing?" Matt said as he entered the room, seeming only half interested. He proceeded to the dresser he had his clothes stored in without a second glance.

"Changing my pants, obviously." Mello started to pull them down but stopped when he head what Matt responded with.

"But you look good in skinny jeans. And didn't you just put them on?" Mello looked over at Matt who was hastily pulling a shirt over his head. He pulled the skinny jeans back up, rezipping and buttoning them. "Okay, I'm ready," Matt announced apparently not caring enough to wait for an answer to his question.

"Really?" Mello asked mockingly.

"Um, yeah?"

"Your shirt's on backwards."

"What? Oh." Without taking the shirt completely off, Matt turned it around. "There, now I'm ready." He left without further confirmation and started down the stairs; Mello followed behind him.

"I made waffles if you want any."

"You _made_ waffles?"

"Well, I heated them in the microwave," Mello said, listlessly. He was still concerned with the fact that Matt wouldn't have sex with him. _He said that I look good in skinny jeans so then it doesn't' have to do with the leather. But that's the only thing that I've changed._ His thoughts were interrupted by the growling of Matt's stomach.

"Well, maybe waffles do sound good," Matt said, changing his direction from the door to the kitchen. He went to get a plate from the cabinet.

"No, it's okay. I've got it," Mello said.

"Okay." It almost sounded like a question to Mello, as if he were asking if he was okay. Or perhaps it was just a statement and he was hearing a meaning behind the simple word that wasn't there. Taking the plate from Matt, he took out six of the defrosted waffles and put them in the microwave and leaned against the counter, waiting for them. Zoning out, he was brought back to reality when he heard Matt ask something.

"What?" Mello asked.

"I thought you said you were going to change your pants." The microwave beeped, alerting them that the waffles were done.

"I changed my mind," Mello said, taking the plate of waffles from the microwave and bringing them and the syrup to the table. He placed them in front of Matt and sat down.

"Aren't you going to have any?" Matt asked, pouring a ridiculous quantity of syrup on his waffles.

"I already ate."

"Oh, right." Matt took a bite of what Mello imagined must be soggy waffles. Because really, how could there be that much syrup on them without them getting soggy?

_How can he not care for chocolate but put so much of that crap all over perfectly good waffles?_

"So, where are we going?" Mello glanced up to see Matt looking at his expectantly.

"Where ever you want I suppose." He really didn't have anything planned and was only allowing the outing for one reason.

"Really? _Anywhere_?" Mello couldn't help but smile. Matt's apparent excitement, added to the fact that he was getting the syrup everywhere, made him seem like a five year old; it was kind of cute in an odd sort of way.

"Yeah, whatever you want."

"Okay, let me think about this," he said, staring at the piece of waffle on his fork as if it would tell him the place he wanted to go most.

"Just so you know, we have to stop at the grocery store on the way home."

"Oh, I see. So that's why we're going out." The difference in his voice was striking; all the excitement had drained from it to be replaced by disappointment. "Someone needs to go to the grocery store and you can't trust me to either go alone or stay home alone. That's it, isn't it?"

"Don't be ridiculous. You've been doing really well so I though I'd let you choose what we do today. Besides, can you really stand staying in the house another day? Because I can't." Matt was right, actually, but Mello didn't want him to feel bad about it.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Matt said, not convinced.

"Well, whatever, think what you want. We don't have to go out if you don't want to." Mello shrugged and folded his arms across his chest.

"Fine," Matt said, stabbing another piece of waffles with the fork.

_Calling my bluff? Not going to work. I know you want to go out even more than I do otherwise you wouldn't have acted so excited earlier._ He got up from the table and stretched. "In that case, I think I'll take a nap; I didn't sleep very well last night," Mello lied. He left the kitchen and went to stairs. As his foot fell on the first stair, he heard the fork clatter on the plate. Matt soon came into view.

"I…changed my mind," Matt said reluctantly.

"Alright." Mello turned around and went back to the kitchen with Matt. "And we'll go to the grocery store on the way home?"

"I guess." Matt sat back down and finished the last couple bites of his last waffle. He picked up the plate and took it to the sink, leaving a sticky ring of syrup on the table that clearly outlined where it had been.

"Uh, Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"Maybe next time you should try to eat like an adult," Mello said, motioning towards the syrup ring.

"Oh, right." Matt washed the sticky substance from his hands and then used a wet paper towel to remove it from the table. Mello put the syrup and remaining waffles away. "Can we go now?" Matt asked, the excitement creeping back into his voice.

"Yeah, if you're ready."

"Okay, let's go!" Mello had never before seen Matt leave more quickly; he was out the door before Mello had even put his boots on. When he left the house, Matt was already sitting in the car waiting for him with the engine running.

Over the duration of the drive into town, Mello's thoughts kept going back to his previous concern, so when Matt said, "You're being awfully quiet. Is everything okay?" Mello responded with exactly what was on his mind.

"Why don't you want to have sex with me anymore?" Matt's face reddened when the unexpected words left Mello's lips.

"I, um, well, uh…sorry?"

"So you actually don't want to then." Mello's voice fell flat. Though he had spent his morning worried about this, he had never fully thought that it was true.

"No, no, no! That's not what I meant! It's just that, uh, last time wasn't really enjoyable." He looked over at Mello. He wasn't aware of his expression but based on Matt's reaction, Mello imagined that he must not have looked very happy. "Wait, that didn't come out right! It's not your fault. I-" But Mello cut him off before he could finish.

"It's not you, it's me, right?" Mello's voice sounded odd to him, like it wasn't his own. He couldn't quite decide if he was angry or hurt.

"No! Well, yes, but it was because all I could think of was cigarettes. I was too preoccupied with my withdrawal to enjoy it. And it's not that I don't want to have sex with you, it's just that I want to make sure I'll actually be able to enjoy it next time." He took one of his hands from the wheel to place on top of Mello's. "I'm sure you were great, I just couldn't appreciate it," he added. Mello entwined his fingers with Matt's, giving his hand a small squeeze to convey that he understood. His worries had all been for nothing.

As they began to reach the outskirts of the small town, Mello began to wonder where they were actually going. "So did you ever decide what you wanted to do?" he asked Matt.

"I was thinking about going to the arcade."

"The arcade." It wasn't a question or really even a statement; it was more or less just an echo. Mello did not want to go to the arcade; part of the reason he had wanted to get out of the house was so that he wouldn't be stuck playing video games with Matt.

"Is that…okay?"

"Yeah. I said we could do whatever you wanted to. The arcade it is."

They pulled into the parking lot of the closest thing the town had to a mall: a small clustering of stores called the "Biei Shopping Center" in which the arcade was included. It seemed oddly crowded for a Thursday, but Mello was more concerned by the fact that he would have to spend the next however many hours in an arcade rather than with the large number of people.

To his surprise, he actually enjoyed his time there. Mello spent a great deal of his time playing Pac-Man, finding it to be an almost addicting game. Every time he was caught by one of the ghosts, it only made him want to win more because he wasn't going to lose to one of the "stupid little ghosty things."

Matt was actually the one to notice when it was starting to get later in the day. When Matt told him that he was getting hungry, Mello was reminded of the fact that he had forgotten about lunch. He found that he was also hungry although he had somehow not realized it.

"Wow, I can't believe we spent so much time in there," Mello said as they left the arcade, "And I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I had fun."

"So does that mean you'll play video games with me more often?" Matt got in the car but didn't start it.

"I still think they're a waste of time, but I guess I do sort of see why you like them, so…maybe."

"I'll take a maybe; it's better than a no."

"I'm not promising anything. 'Maybe' is just as much a 'no' as it is a 'yes.'"

"But you're still saying it could be a yes."

"Yeah, but-" Mello's stomach growled loudly. "I _might_ play video games with you more often, let's leave it at that. Now, what are we doing for dinner?"

"You said we still have to go to the grocery store so why don't we do that and just have dinner at home?" Matt suggested, finally starting the car.

"Sure." It was a short drive to the grocery store. "Get whatever you want, let's just make this quick," Mello said when they entered the building. He then thought of something that made him want to change his statement. _Do grocery stores sell cigarettes?_ He really had never paid attention before. "Except cigarettes. You can get anything except cigarettes," he added just to be safe.

"Fine. Same for you except no chocolate. We still have one more day."

"Agreed." He couldn't believe it had already almost been a week; living without chocolate hadn't been nearly as terrible as he had thought it would be.

Their shopping passed by fairly mundanely, but when they started talking about what they were going to have for dinner, Matt offered to make roasted chicken one day. But they had already passed the meat section at the front of the store, so Mello went back to get the chicken. This wouldn't have even been noteworthy, but on his way back to meet up with Matt, he spotted bottles of chocolate syrup. Now that he was thinking about it more, he really did want chocolate.

Mello went over and picked a bottle of the chocolate syrup up, put it back down, and then picked it back up again. He really wanted to get it, but there was no way that Matt would let him. He had agreed that he wouldn't get any chocolate after all.

But then he started thinking of everything he could use it for: to put on ice cream they were buying, to make chocolate milk…to put on Matt's naked body. Mello smiled to himself. _Licking it off Matt's body, that would be amazing._

"You can get it." Mello jumped when he heard Matt's voice.

"What?"

"After tomorrow it's been one week. You can get it, but you have to wait until after tomorrow to use it."

"Okay." Mello put the container of chocolate syrup and the chicken he was still carrying in the shopping cart. "I thought we agreed to meet back up in aisle seven," Mello said, still flustered from Matt's terrible timing. _Why did he have to choose that exact moment to find me?_ It was at times like those he was glad people couldn't read his mind.

"Yeah, well, you seemed to be taking a long time so I went back to find you."

"Oh," was all Mello said. He glanced at the bottle of chocolate syrup in the cart. _Tomorrow is going to be a long day._

_

* * *

_

**Author's Note**: I wasn't going to bring this up yet, but it's been bothering me so here goes. I've been starting to get ideas for a sequel and I keep thinking to myself 'Really? You haven't even finished this one and you're thinking about a sequel?' When I started writing this, I thought that there was absolutely no way that I would ever do a sequel; I would put everything I wanted to happen into this one and that would be the end. However, now that I have a general idea of what's going into every single chapter from now to the epilogue and know how things are going to play out, I feel like it won't really be done after that. Not _really_ anyway. I know you guys don't have the full story yet, but what are your thoughts on the possibility of a sequel?


	18. Chapter 18: Mask

Author's Note: Since I don't know how much knowledge about video games my readers have, I figured I would give a quick overview of the game that is mentioned in this chapter. I have them playing the American version of the original Contra game released for the NES. I realize they should be playing the European version since Matt is from England, but I'm more familiar with the American version and the majority of my readers are from the US so I went with that. The European version was released almost three years after the American version under the name Probotector in which the two main characters and many of the enemies were changed to robots.

Anyway, for Contra at least (I'm not sure about Probotector), when you play two player, both people play at the same time. Basically, there's an alien organization that's trying to take over the world which you have to fight. The two playable characters are these really buff army guys who use really big guns. So yup, that's about it. After writing this chapter, I really want to play it now, but that would require me to actually find where I put my NES games. I don't think I have the motivation to take on that task...

* * *

Chapter 18: Mask

Matt sat cross-legged on the floor, rummaging through the box of video games. He didn't feel like playing any of them.

Mello walked past, more accurately, stormed past. Matt heard the refrigerator door open and, after what seemed an oddly long time, heard it slam shut. Mello reentered the living room with a bottle of beer in hand and sat on the couch.

Getting frustrated, Matt dumped the contents of the box out on the floor. He picked each game up individually before deciding against it and tossing it back into the box. With only a few games left out on the floor, he picked one of the last ones up. _Contra. Haven't played this in awhile._ It was old and had terrible graphics but was still fun all the same. "Do you want to-"

"No," Mello said curtly, taking a drink of beer.

"Would you let me finish? I could have been asking if you wanted to have some chocolate." Mello perked up ever so slightly at the mention of chocolate but otherwise remained apathetic.

"You wouldn't. I still have the rest of today and you wouldn't let me off easy, not after the hell I put you through."

"I'm not that vengeful, but…you're right, I'm still not going to let you off easy."

Mello had been irritable all day, something Matt rode off as a byproduct of the fact that Mello hated waiting for anything. He had been like this after they had first made their deal, but it hadn't been nearly as bad. Now that he was so close to being able to have chocolate, but still wasn't allowed to, Mello seemed more sullen than ever.

It seemed quite obvious to Matt that Mello wanted his chocolate back, but he, however, did not intend to start smoking again. Despite how reluctant he had been to begin with, he really had wanted to quit and still did more than ever. He had never wanted to become addicted, but it was not something he could really control after he had started smoking. Now that the cravings were coming less frequently and were becoming easier to get through, he felt like he was finally regaining control of his life again.

He inserted the game into his NES and turned it on. Nothing happened. He turned it off, took the game out, and blew on the bottom edge of the cartridge to remove any dust that had settled on the little metal pieces from which the console would read the game. Though it took perhaps a second or two longer than it should have, the title screen appeared this time. He sat down on the couch next to Mello and selected one player.

As soon as Matt started playing, Mello sat up a little straighter from his slouched position. "I changed my mind. I'll play," he said as Matt shot at one of the bad guys.

Matt sighed; he didn't want to get up after having just sat down. _Why couldn't he have decided this before?_ He hit reset and connected another controller, tossing it to Mello who sat his beer down on the coffee table. _How does he drink that stuff? It tastes disgusting…like dirty socks._ Not that he had ever tasted dirty socks before.

This time when the title screen appeared, he selected two player. He had honestly not been very hopeful that Mello would ever turn his "maybe" into a "yes," but he had forgotten that he had this particular game with him. _Of course Mello would be interested in a video game where you get to shoot things with really big guns; it probably reminds him of when he was in the Mafia. Well, maybe not. He probably did more threatening people with guns than killing aliens._

"Why didn't we play this before? This is awesome!" Mello said, shooting one of the bad guys. "We spent all day playing that kids' game before and you didn't even mention that you had this."

"Super Mario Bros. is not a 'kids' game,'" he said defensively, "and that was my birthday. When it's your birthday, you can decide what we do."

"That's not fair. My birthday isn't until December. That's nine months away."

"How is that not fair? You chose what we did on your birthday. I didn't complain once about any of the shit I had to do to help you with the Kira case." Matt could feel himself becoming progressively more annoyed. He didn't like that Mello's bad mood seemed to have rubbed off on him.

"It's not like I _wanted_ to do that. I couldn't exactly take a day off for my birthday. We would have lost too much time."

"Just like we couldn't take a day off for Christmas," Matt grumbled. Mello paused the game.

"Look, I've already told you that I regret the entire fucking thing. I should have never left Whammy's in the first place. I already know that, okay?"

"Whatever." He unpaused the game only to have Mello pause it again immediately.

"No, not 'whatever.' I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I shouldn't have left you, I shouldn't have joined the Mafia, and I shouldn't have brought you into it after I had fucked everything up so badly that I couldn't handle it on my own anymore."

"So you regret bringing me into it? Really? Because you do know that if you hadn't, you would probably be dead, right? And even if you weren't, you would have never seen me again. Is that what you want?"

"You know that's not what I'm saying." A notable amount of the hostility that had been in his voice disappeared, but a hint on his anger still tainted the edge of his voice.

"Then what exactly are you saying? Please tell me because I don't know what the point of this is."

"I don't know, Matt. I feel like I wasted half of my life on shit that doesn't even fucking matter."

"Quit being overdramatic. It was not half your life." Something changed when he said this. Matt suddenly realized what exactly he was saying. This anger wasn't even his own; it was as if Mello's bad mood had poisoned the atmosphere, finally penetrating him. The anger drained from him upon his realization.

"Five years. Sorry, my mistake. It was only a _quarter_ of my life," Mello shot back sarcastically. "Five years all for nothing. The only thing I was left with was an ugly scar and someone who I'm not." He suddenly yanked the rosary over his head to throw it across the room. It bounced off of the wall to settle on the floor.

"And me," Matt added softly. He regretted letting his anger get the best of him.

"What?" Mello said, bringing his attention back to Matt.

"Do you really think we would have gotten together if we hadn't have been though so much because of your crazed obsession with catching Kira before Near?" He offered a reassuring smile. Mello only stared back, no longer appearing angry but instead, almost melancholy. "I don't know about you, but I'm pretty grateful that things happened the way they did. And I don't care about you scar. You're still the most attractive guy I know, with or without it," he said, holding the scarred left side of Mello's face in his hand, running his thumb over the somewhat uneven skin of his cheek. "As for the person you've become," he continued as he got up to retrieve the rosary, returning to the couch and holding it out for Mello who made no move to take it back, "that's the person I'm in love with.

"Yes, you definitely changed after you left Whammy's; you weren't the same Mello I had remembered. The new Mello was angry and didn't care about anyone but himself, not even the best friend he had left behind.

"No, let me finish," he said, seeing Mello's lips part to speak. "At first, I thought that the old Mello was gone forever, but I was wrong. He wasn't gone, he was just hiding behind the same mask he had used to defend himself all those years ago back at Whammy's. I just didn't recognize it right away because it had been so long since that mask was used on me.

"But the Mello that sits in front of me now doesn't rely on that mask anymore. Even though it's more difficult like this, he chooses to let his guard down and confront his emotions. So yes, you have changed, but I would never want you to go back to the person you were before. I love you exactly the way you are." He tried a second time to hand the rosary back to Mello.

"I don't want it back," Mello said, pushing it away.

"You can't just keep pushing your past away; you're going to have to deal with it eventually."

"I _am_ dealing with it," he grumbled, staring at the rosary in Matt's hand.

"This is not dealing with it, Mels. Take it," Matt said, offering the rosary to him once again, "I know it means a lot to you whether you want to admit it now or not." Mello finally took it, although reluctantly, but did not put it back on.

"I don't need it anymore," he said, looking down at the mass of beads in his hand, the cross dangling over the side. Matt worried that Mello was simply refusing to deal with it again, but the next words that Mello spoke proved him wrong. "I have you."

With this, he understood. He though back to when Mello had told him about Sister Katharina and how he decided to take the rosary with him. 'I guess I took it because it was the only connection I had to either of the two people who ever felt like family,' he had said. If he didn't need the rosary, then Matt was the only family he needed.

Matt suddenly lunged forward, his arms encircling Mello who fell backwards, hitting his head against the arm of the couch. The rosary fell from Mello's hand and slid off the edge of the couch to the floor.

"Ouch," Mello said, not really to express pain but to convey his annoyance that Matt's actions had made him hit his head.

"Sorry," Matt whispered in Mello's ear, knowing that he hadn't really been hurt. Mello only pulled Matt tighter against his body.

Matt placed a single kiss on the scarred left side of Mello's face before adding one to his lips. "You can have a do over tomorrow for your birthday if you want," he offered looking down at the blond under him.

"We don't have to." Despite his apparent indifference toward the idea, Matt knew otherwise.

"Yes, we do."

"Well, if you insist," Mello said jokingly. "And we can do anything I want to?"

"Yeah," Matt said, somewhat reluctantly. The devious smile on Mello's face worried him a little.

"Anything?" Mello said, his smile widening.

A chuckle escaped the back of Matt's throat as he realized what Mello was getting at. "Yes, _anything_ you want." He no longer worried that his withdrawal would ruin it for him.

"Can we maybe start 'anything' today?"

"Nope. You have to wait until tomorrow," he returned playfully, getting up off of Mello. Though a part of him wanted Mello to ravage him right there on the couch, it was more fun to make him wait.

Mello gave an overdramatic sigh, sitting up as well. He leaned down, picking up the rosary from the floor gingerly. Moving it around slightly in his palm, he stared down at it. "Come here," he said, suddenly getting up. Matt followed him up the stairs to their room without a word. Mello stopped in front of the mirror on the wall and hung the rosary off the upper right corner of it. "There," he said, a small smile at his lips.

Matt understood immediately the significance of this seemingly simple action. Although Mello didn't feel the need to wear his rosary at all times anymore, he was going to keep it someplace where he would see it everyday; he was finally learning to, not only live with, but embrace the past that he had wanted so badly to forget at one time. He watched as Mello toyed with it, adjusting it so that the crucifix faced forward.

"Mkay," Mello said with a sigh, seemingly to himself. "Let's go kill more aliens!" he exclaimed unexpectedly, doing a complete 180 and heading for the door.

Matt followed him but paused at the doorway and looked back at Mello's rosary hanging from the frame of the mirror.

"Matt, hurry up!" Mello called, already almost down the stairs.

"Coming." He looked back once more and went to join the erratic blond waiting for him.

* * *

A/N: I have finals coming up the last week of January, so I'll be taking next week off from writing to study. I'm hoping to be able to get chapter 19 done the weekend after finals so expect the next update to be sometime around the last couple days of January or the first couple days of February.

Oh, and by the way, I received many reviews saying that people are supportive of the idea of a sequel. Thank you to everyone who gave their input, and I guess that means I'll eventually be doing a sequel.

Review please! :)


	19. Chapter 19: Redo

**Author's Note**: Finals are over which means I have time to write again! This is exciting; I've been waiting basically since chapter one to write this particular chapter. I really hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

And one more thing. The song Guilty Pleasure by Cobra Starship appears in this chapter so you might want to listen to it so that so you know what's going on.

Warning: I promised way back in chapter one that I would put a warning in at the start of any chapters they have sex in. Well here it is. If you don't want to read it then just stop when you get to it. And no worries, it's all at the end of the chapter so you don't have to worry about missing anything afterwards. But please, if you do skip the sex scenes, scroll down to the bottom of the page and read the second part of my author's note especially if you have reviewed.

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Chapter 19: Redo

Mello fidgeted under the covers as the wonderful state of sleep started to evade him. Opening his eyes, he came face to face with the digital clock on the nightstand. The harsh red numerals glared at him, informing him of the time. Barely taking the time to notice that had slept in much later than he normally did, he rolled over, a much more placid scene coming into view: an adorable sleeping redhead lying next to him.

Matt always seemed to like to take up most of the bed, but that morning he had, for the most part, refrained form invading Mello's side. Instead, an arm dangled over the edge as well as his knee. The entire leg would have hung off the side had it not been bent at the knee, returning his foot and lower calf to the soft confines of the covers; his other leg stretched across the bed, leaving his foot on top of one of Mello's. He slept on his stomach, head turned to face Mello, mouth open slightly. He appeared tranquil to Mello, despite the odd position in which he slept.

Mello could recall multiple times when Matt's constant tossing and turning, actions that sometimes were just short of flailing, had impaired his ability to sleep. When they were younger, he had often been woken up during the night by Matt kicking one of the bed posts or falling completely out of bed. He very rarely woke himself up but would often wonder why he always had so many bruises come morning. Every time he woke up on the floor, Matt seemed to be surprised to find himself there. Such occurrences made Mello very thankful that he had insisted on having top bunk.

Now that they shared a bed, Matt woke him up for a very different reason. Mello was often forced awake by Matt kicking, punching, and, on one occasion, head butting him. Although it certainly did bother him, Mello could never bring himself to tell him that he unconsciously used him as a punching bag. If Matt knew, it would only make him feel guilty and it's not like he could do anything to change it anyway. Unless of course Mello literally strapped him down to the bed. Anything short of that would be useless.

Matt sighed softly in his sleep. Mello simply laid there watching him for quite some time, remembering the night he had left Whammy's. He had watched Matt sleep that night too, not wanting to leave his best friend and the only person he could truly be himself around. Finally convincing himself that he couldn't delay it any longer, he had left the note next to Matt's Game Boy and walked out the door.

Matt slowly opened his eyes. "Good morning," Mello said softly.

"Were you watching me sleep?" Matt said with a yawn, "That's kind of creepy." His tone was light and joking even though his voice was still heavy with sleep.

"I can watch you sleep if I want to," Mello retorted. He didn't need to give a reason why; he found it unnecessary. Matt drew his arm and knee back onto the bed and rolled onto his side facing Mello.

"How long have you been awake?"

"I don't know, why?"

"I'm just surprised you didn't wake me up and make me go get your chocolate."

Mello's eyes widened as he realized that he could finally get his chocolate back. He suddenly sat up and yanked on Matt's arm, pulling him to a sitting position. "Go get it! Now!" He had completely forgotten. Not only was that the day he could have chocolate again, it was also the day Matt had promised as a sort of substitute birthday for him.

"Don't tell me you forgot," Matt said, stumbling as Mello quite literally pushed him out of bed. He didn't respond but watched as Matt made his way over to the dresser which held Mello's clothes. He opened the uppermost drawer and dug under the pile of socks, pulling out the three bars of chocolate that Mello had been forced to hand over a week before. "I figured if you went looking for it, you probably wouldn't look through your own stuff," Matt said as he tossed the chocolate to the bed.

They had scarcely hit the bed before Mello snatched one up and pulled the wrapper down to take a large bite of it. He chewed it slowly, savoring the rich taste and the sensation of it melting over his tongue. It was everything he had remembered and more.

"You're ridiculous," he heard Matt say with a small laugh. The simple sentence brought him back to reality. He looked over at Matt who was leaning against the dresser, arms crossed over his bare chest, smiling. He seemed fine but…

"Are you sure you're okay with this? You're not going to…"

"Start smoking again?" Matt finished, sitting back down on the edge of the bed. "No. I've made it this far, I might as well quit for real."

"So you're okay then?"

Matt shrugged. "I still get cravings, but it's easier to handle now." He smiled, obviously very proud of himself. Mello looked down at his chocolate, feeling bad about indulging in the very thing he had agreed to give up. But the week was over so it was okay, right? "I'm fine, really. Enjoy your chocolate." That was good enough for Mello; he took another bite, not knowing how he could have gone so long without the wonderful substance known as dark chocolate. "How can you eat that so early in the morning? Have you even had breakfast yet?"

"It's never too early for chocolate. For that matter, chocolate could be breakfast."

"Well I'm going to go make some _real_ food for breakfast. If you want, you can pick what we have since it's your 'birthday,'" Matt said, adding air quotes to the word, "or did you forget about that too?" He grabbed his goggles off the top of the dresser and started out the door.

"I remembered," Mello said defensively, putting the two unopened bars of chocolate on the nightstand and following Matt downstairs, the remaining half of the chocolate bar he was currently eating in hand.

"So what do you want then?"

"Let's see," Mello said sitting down at the table to consider his options, "Make me an omelette. And I want orange juice too."

Matt opened the refrigerator and shuffled some things around. "Looks like we don't have any orange juice."

"We have oranges," Mello said with a devious smirk.

"You want me to squeeze orange juice?" Matt asked, closing the refrigerator door and turning to give him a look that questioned his sanity.

"You're the one who's always saying that things are _so_ much better when you make them homemade. Besides, you said I could pick what we have. I was promised a birthday today, remember?" To be completely honest, he didn't care if he had orange juice or not, he just liked Matt waiting on him.

"Fine," Matt said begrudgingly. He picked up the bag of oranges that was still sitting on the counter from when they had gone grocery shopping a couple days before and put it on the table in front of Mello. "Start peeling."

"I'm not peeling these. _I_ told _you_ to make orange juice."

"And _I_ can't make omelettes and orange juice at the same time."

"Okay then, forget the orange juice. I want ham, onions, mushrooms, and cheese on my omelette." Matt took an onion off the counter and went to the refrigerator to take out everything else he would need.

"You think you can handle cutting the ham and mushrooms?" Matt said sarcastically.

"I guess. But I made breakfast for your birthday all by myself," Mello grumbled, finishing the last piece of the chocolate bar. He tossed the chocolate wrapper into the garbage can and got up to collect the afore mentioned items along with a knife and a plate to cut them on.

"Yeah, but it's more fun to make it together," Matt said, a smile spreading across his face. Mello abandoned the items he was holding on the table and returned to the counter next to which Matt was currently on his knees digging through the cupboard for a cutting board. As soon as Matt stood up, Mello wrapped his arms around him, pressing his hand to Matt's lower back and pulled him closer into a kiss.

"Why…?" Matt said when Mello released him.

"You're just too cute not to," he said returning to the table to start his task. He didn't seem to mind so much anymore.

Matt placed his goggles over his eyes and sat the onion on the cutting board. As he cut the onion, he started humming something that Mello didn't recognize. He wasn't surprised that he didn't recognized it, he and Matt didn't exactly have the same taste in music, but he was surprised that he actually kind of liked it. "What song is that?" he asked.

"I came here to make you dance tonight. I don't care about my guilty pleasure for you," Matt sang, dumping the chopped onion into a frying pan with some olive oil, "Shut up! 'Cause we won't stop! We're getting down till the sun's coming up." Mello had to laugh when Matt started dancing around the kitchen, still wearing nothing but the pants he had slept in and his goggles, as he beat the eggs.

When he had finished cutting the ham and mushrooms, he put the plate on the counter and returned what was left of each to the refrigerator. Spotting the chocolate syrup, he got out a glass and poured some milk into it, adding a large quantity of the liquid chocolate. Matt stopped singing for a moment.

"You're going to have chocolate milk with your omelette?"

"Of course," Mello said as if this was the most natural combination in the world. Matt shrugged and poured the beaten eggs into the greased frying pan before dumping the mushrooms and ham into the smaller pan with the sautéing onions. He continued singing, going back to the chorus.

Purposely leaving the chocolate syrup out on the counter, Mello took a spoon out of the drawer and sat back down at the table, stirring the chocolate into his glass of milk. He watched as Matt flipped the egg and added the toppings, still singing and dancing ridiculously. _Screw dinner and a movie, I'll take breakfast and a show, please and thank you._

Matt folded the rather large omelette over and slid it onto a plate, grabbing two forks and bringing it to the table.

"I don't get my own?" Mello asked, jokingly.

"If you have a problem with it, you _could_ make your own. That's always an option." Matt took a bite and smiled over a Mello.

"I don't know about that. This is supposed to be for my birthday. I shouldn't have to make my own breakfast."

Matt picked up a piece on his fork and held it in front of Mello's face. "Eat it." Mello sighed dramatically as if he were doing it as a favor to Matt and ate the piece of omelette.

Every time he ate Matt's cooking, Mello was amazed. He had no idea how he could make everything taste so good. Every time he tried to cook, something ended up burnt or undercooked or just terrible tasting. "Remember how you said that you'd make roasted chicken for dinner one day?" Mello said, cutting another piece of the omelette off with his fork.

"Yeah."

"Well, you'll be doing that today."

"Thanks for informing me," Matt returned sarcastically, "You could just ask you know."

"I don't have to ask. You're my servant today. You do as I tell you."

"Oh really? Well master, your wish is my command," Matt gave a small bow in Mello's direction.

"Now that's what I like to hear," Mello said with a laugh. "Hmm, what can I have you do?" Many things came to mind, a few of them involving the bottle of chocolate syrup still sitting out on the counter.

"Uh oh, I'm not sure if I like where this is going."

"You should have thought of that before."

"Seriously, what are you going to have me do? I'm not going to," he paused for a moment, thinking, "I don't know, go streaking behind the house or something. It's still cold out."

"I hadn't thought of that, but thanks for the idea." Matt went pale, well, paler than his normal pale, at these words. "Calm down, I'm kidding. I'm not going to have you do anything terrible." He didn't look convinced, but Mello moved on anyway. "Okay, your first task is to clean up the kitchen, is that so bad?" Mello said, taking the last bite of omelette.

"Fine," Matt said, taking the plate to the sink. Mello watched Matt cleaned up as he finishing his chocolate milk.

His mind returned to the bottle of chocolate syrup. Mello nudged the leg of the table with his foot. _A bit wobbly, but it should be okay._

"Now what?" Matt asked, leaning against the counter next to the sink. Mello got up and put the glass in the sink, leaving the tabletop completely cleared off. He took the goggles from their perch atop Matt's head and sat them on the counter.

"Sit on the table."

"What? Why?"

"Don't ask questions."

"But it's…it's not that sturdy. I'll end up breaking it."

"No you won't. Just do it." So Matt went over to the table and sat down on the edge of it gingerly. "Now lean back and close your eyes." Matt complied, although reluctantly. Mello brought the bottle of chocolate syrup to the table and turned it upside down, letting the liquid pour out onto Matt's bare chest.

The second it hit his skin, Matt's eyes flew open. "What the hell! That's freezing!"

"I can make that better." He climbed onto the table, causing it to wobble slightly under the added weight. Leaning over Matt, he ran his tongue up his torso, licking up the cold liquid chocolate.

"Okay, it feels like the table is going to break," Matt said, sounding worried. Mello looked up, a soft pink tint covered Matt's cheeks proving to him that, despite his preoccupation, Matt was enjoying it. He suddenly went forward, kissing Matt roughly, forcing his tongue between Matt's lips. He was slow to respond, thoughts still on the precarious state of the table, but Matt kissed back passionately after a moment, his tongue darting hungrily into Mello's mouth.

"I don't care," Mello finally answered, pulling away for air. He noticed the smudge of chocolate that had been left on Matt's lower lip from their kiss. He returned to retrieve it, sucking on Matt's lip and biting it before moving on.

Mello poured more chocolate onto Matt's torso, smearing it across his chest. Excess chocolate dripped from his skin to the table. He held his now chocolate covered hand up for Matt to lick who sucked at Mello's fingers graciously, the chocolate covering his lips as he did so.

With most of the chocolate gone from his hand, Mello pulled it away. Not wanting to waste the chocolate that was now smeared across Matt's cheek, he leaned forward to lick it off. His chest pressed against Matt's, adding chocolate to his own body as he followed the smear towards Matt's awaiting lips. Before Mello could even complete his journey, Matt forcefully pressed his lips to Mello's. Their tongues entwining and moving against each other in an almost synchronized fashion; the kiss tasted strongly of chocolate. Mello wondered as he licked the last of the chocolate from the corner of Matt's mouth if this was what his kisses tasted like to Matt.

With Matt's face cleaned of the chocolate, Mello trailed kisses down his neck, eventually reaching his sticky sweet syrup covered chest. He trailed patterns over the chocolate covered skin he found there with his tongue.

He was not nearly satisfied enough to be done when Matt leaned up unexpectedly. He pulled his legs up onto the table completely so that he was kneeling and attacked Mello's chest with his mouth. He sucked at the chocolate he found there desperately, as if he couldn't stand to see it soil Mello's alabaster skin and needed to remove it. Mello briefly wondered when Matt had become so aggressive but did not care; he leaned back, making it easier for Matt to thoroughly rape his chest with his mouth. He didn't mind letting Matt take control, enjoying the slick feeling of his tongue move over his chest, until Matt bit down on one of his nipples. He found the pain somewhat erotic but couldn't let this continue; he needed to be the dominant one. He pushed Matt back forcefully causing his to almost fall off the table. Mello leaned down over him and repaid him for the pain he had caused him.

Matt had a great deal of chocolate covering him, but Mello couldn't take it any longer; he needed to get on with it. He moved his attention down to the Nintendo sleep pants Matt was still wearing, yanking them down past Matt's hips and let them fall to the floor. "Mello, not on the table. We eat here," came a weak protest from the man under him.

"I _am_ eating here," Mello said, leaning down to lick the chocolate from Matt's belly button. He proceeded to remove Matt's boxers, adding them to the growing pile of clothing on the floor.

Unfortunately, Matt didn't seem to be quite ready yet. "Lay down," he demanded. Although it wasn't all that big, the table was long enough to support Matt's head, back, and his legs about half way to his knees. He kissed Matt's neck, nipping at the skin lightly as his hand, still covered in saliva and traces of chocolate, worked Matt's member. His hand slid smoothly over the shaft as he pumped it, stopping briefly to play with the head. Mello could feel it grow increasingly firm under his touch as Matt's breathing became heavier.

He pulled away and slid his boxers off, revealing his erection. "What about the…" Matt started.

"I've got it covered." After their first time, Matt had insisted that they use lube; apparently it made it hurt less. Mello wouldn't know. He had never been on bottom.

He grabbed the bottle of chocolate syrup and poured some into his hand and covered his member with it. "Is that going to work as well?" Matt asked, watching Mello intently.

"I don't know. Shut up so we can find out." He hooked Matt's legs over his shoulders and pushed into him. Matt groaned loudly. Mello couldn't tell if it was a sound of pain or of pleasure, but at that point, he didn't really care either way; his needs were too great to stop to make sure that Matt was all right.

He repeatedly slammed into Matt, causing the less that sturdy table to wobble dangerously. "Faster," Matt demanded, his breathing becoming ragged. Mello pulled out almost entirely, pushing his way back in with as much force as he could. Picking up speed with each thrust, he tried to angle into the spot that would give Matt the most satisfaction. Matt bucked his hips up wildly, close to his climax.

Mello did not notice the increase in the table's movement as it became less stable over his physical stimulation. Evidently not being able to take the abuse anymore, it finally collapsed, crashing to the floor as its legs gave out. The force from the fall caused Mello to pound into Matt with much more force than he had been. Gasping from the intense impact, Matt came as Mello's liquid filled his internal cavity. Mello pulled out slowly, breathing heavily as the realization of what had just happened made its way to his brain. He couldn't believe they had actually broken the table. He leaned down to lap at the combination of chocolate syrup and cum that covered Matt's stomach, enjoying the sweet and salty combination, before rolling off of him onto the floor.

"I told you…we were going to break the table," Matt panted.

"Sorry," he said, his apology insincere, but when the thought came to mind that the fall might have been much worse for Matt since he was actually laying on it, he added, "Are you okay?"

"Better than okay," he replied, glancing over at Mello.

Having recovered for the most part, Mello got up and offered Matt his hand, pulling him to his feet. "Let's go clean up."

He led Matt up to the bathroom and turned the shower on. The warm water that flowed over his body felt good, refreshing him. He grabbed the bar of soap and used it to wash away any of the stickiness that still covered Matt. "Wash my hair," Mello commanded.

"We're playing beauty shop now?" Matt chuckled as he poured some of Mello's shampoo into the palm of his hand, making the room smell of lavender.

"Ha ha, how funny, Matt," he said sarcastically as Matt massaged his scalp. He stuck his head under the water and rinsed the shampoo from his hair. "Now turn around and I'll wash your back."

"Feel free to massage it too it you want," he said lightly, facing the wall. But Mello had no intension of doing so; he was ready for a second round. He kissed along Matt's shoulder, holding onto his hip before entering him for the second time that day.

Matt had obviously not been expecting this as he nearly fell forward into the wall. "Mello! What the-" he started angrily, but his thought was lost and the words turned into a moan. Mello forced his way in and out, pushing him up against the wall. He held onto Matt's hips tightly, his nails digging into the soft skin they found there.

The steam from the shower clouded the air. The hot, humid atmosphere made it harder to breathe. Mello panted loudly as he worked his hips back and forth, reaching far into Matt.

To Mello's dismay, Matt came much more quickly this time, defiling the poor wall he was trying so desperately to brace himself against. A few thrusts later and Mello too had finished, pulling out and allowing Matt to go free.

Matt leaned against the wall for support as he tried to recover. "How about next time you warn me before you just start fucking me." Anger could be heard in his voice, but he didn't seem all that upset about it.

"Deal," Mello said, wrapping his arms around Matt and leaning his chin down on his shoulder. He nuzzled into Matt's neck. "I'm sorry. No more surprise attacks." He placed a kiss on Matt's cheek.

"Right," he said, not convinced.

"I love you," he tried. Matt rolled his eyes and sighed.

"I love you, too," he returned, sounding a little annoyed. Matt turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel for himself and tossing one to Mello. They dried off and headed for their room to get dressed.

But as soon as they were in the bedroom, Mello took Matt's hand and led him to the bed. "Again?" Matt asked, surprised. Mello nodded, smiling at the way Matt's tone sounded slightly apprehensive. "What, is your goal to have sex in every room in the house today?"

"Now there's a good idea," Mello said with a smirk. He pushed Matt down to the bed and climbed on top of him.

"I'm going to be sore by the end of the day, aren't I?"

"Probably."

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**A/N**: For those of you who are interested, this chapter was inspired by the following picture:  
So I tried to post the link here, but for whatever reason, it won't let me. To see the picture I _tried_ to add the link for, go to google and search "meiio loves chocolate on everything" and it should be the first thing that comes up. No, that is not a typo, those are actually supposed i's.

I found this last summer and thought it was the most glorious piece of fanart I had ever seen, so I knew when I started this story that something based on this picture was going to be included eventually.

And I have some exciting news! This story now has more than 50 reviews! Thank you so much to the following people who have taken the time to review:

amos222, Nameless Nightmare, kurosendo, Satan's Sweeties, cityOfbeast, Kari Twilight Mist, BakaFireKitsuneSama, Armour-Duck, JinxxMusicXX, XxCatalinaxX, thinlimitation, Miharu is Haruka's Love Child, LoveUntilWeBleed, Jeekey, She's An Actress, MostlyxShortxStories, Velevet Night, ILuvYa44, SecretYaoiLoverInc, TearfullPixie, Veeletta, iloveanime9251, kiki1070, Hantar, Manderz, Midnightkisses10, xxFlutterStutterBOOMBOOMxx, CharizardCyndi

I am sincerely sorry if I have forgotten to include anyone. If you reviewed and your name does not appear in the list above, feel free to yell at me for leaving you out. I love to hear what you guys have to say so keep up the good work with all the reviews. Let's see if we can make it to 100 reviews by the end of the story!


	20. Chapter 20: Apprehension

**Author's Note**: I apologize for this being a little late; my beta was slow with getting it back to me. But here it is - chapter 20! That seems like such a high number to me. I remember back when I posted chapter 10 and how excited I was because it was finally in double digits. How nostalgic~

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Chapter 20: Apprehension

Matt pushed his way through the crowd of people as he tried to keep up with Mello, whose actions could only be classified as power shopping. "Mello, wait!" Hearing Matt's call, Mello stopped and looked behind him. He did not look pleased.

Matt weaved through the sea of people and shopping carts. He hated going out in large crowds; they made him feel incredibly anxious.

"Come on. I want to get out of here," Mello said when Matt finally reached him, continuing his path down the aisle.

"That makes two of us." They, along with seemingly every other person in Biei, were cramped into the small grocery store trying to stock up before the huge snowstorm. Although it was late in the season for such weather, almost mid-March, the weather forecast insisted that a potentially record breaking blizzard was on its way. Chances were good that they wouldn't be leaving their house for at least a couple days after it hit.

Mello sighed, obviously becoming annoyed. "Well, we'll never get out of here if _someone_ can't keep up."

"But there's so many people, I-"

"I know you don't like it, but we're already in here. Let's just hurry up so we can leave." He glanced over at Matt who was looking at him through his goggles with pleading eyes. "Look, unless you want to sit in the shopping cart, you're just going to have to keep up."

Matt briefly considered it, looking at the cart, already very full with groceries, and then the small child's seat at the front of the cart. "I wouldn't fit…"

Mello suddenly grabbed his arm and was dragging him though an opening in the crowd that had presented itself. Someone bumped into Matt causing him to fall into Mello. "Watch where you're going!" Mello yelled to the woman angrily as she forced her way in front of them. She didn't seem to notice or care. "I can't believe how inconsiderate some people are," he mumbled to himself.

Once they had made it out of the aisle, there was a little more room to breathe - but not much. Matt tried to stay close to Mello as they entered the next aisle. He could hear Mello saying something about the possibility of the wind knocking the power out, but he found it hard to pay attention.

He didn't necessarily like going out anyway, but certainly not someplace that was this crowded. He hadn't felt this stressed out since the day he and Mello had barely escaped their deaths. _I need to get out of here. I need to…_ He stopped abruptly, not noticing as Mello continued down the aisle, still talking, presumably to him. "I don't need to smoke," he said, his voice a whisper.

It were the times when he was most stressed that he had always felt the greatest need to smoke. He could remember going through an entire pack just driving to meet Mello at the house, not knowing in he were alive or dead.

But there he was, feeling almost claustrophobic as the mass of bodies pressed in around him, trying to push past him, yet he felt no such need. Some of his anxiety drained from him, replaced by excitement from this new discovery. "Mello," he said quietly. He looked up, seeing a blond head of hair about halfway down the aisle. "Mello!" he said, louder this time, a smile spreading across his face.

Mello turned around to see that Matt had fallen behind once again. "What the hell are you doing? Get up here!" Matt worked his way through the crowd, finding that it was not quite so intimidating anymore.

He felt elated; he felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. "Mello!" he said excitedly, finally catching up, "Guess what?"

Mello presented him with a stern look. "I don't have time for this right now, Matt. If you want to get out of here so badly then stop wasting time. Are you a child? Do you need me to hold your hand so you won't get lost?"

Matt happily took Mello's hand and preceded, unaffected by the short lecture Mello had given him, "I don't need to smoke anymore."

"Yes, I know. You quit. Let's go, we're almost done."

Knowing that Mello had not fully understood in his preoccupation, he continued. "I'm really stressed out and I don't feel like smoking. I used to want to, no, I used to _need_ to smoke when I felt like this," he explained.

"Really?" Mello no longer appeared quite so agitated. Matt only smiled and nodded. Mello suddenly stopped in the middle of the aisle and kissed him. He could feel the pink tint creep into his cheeks when he heard a teenage girl mutter something about yaoi to her friend as they passed. Embarrassed, he denied Mello entrance when his tongue slipped over his lower lip, quickly pulling away.

"Mello, we're in _public_!" he whispered. The onlookers averted their gaze and went back to shopping when he scanned the crowd to see how many people were watching.

"I don't care," Mello said with a devious smile.

"Well I do. Let's just go." He took the shopping cart and continued down the aisle.

"Come on, don't be like that. Can't I be excited for you? We should go out and celebrate," Mello declared as they continued shopping.

"Why, so you can publicly humiliate me more? No, I want to go home."

"All we did was kiss. You act like I tried to have sex with you in the middle of the store."

"Could you please _not_ say that so loudly," Matt hissed. Although he had gotten over people seeing them as a couple, he still didn't want to have the entire grocery store hear about their love life.

"Fine. You know, you make it too easy for me to tease you," he said with a laugh, "But anyway, this is really a big accomplishment for you. We need to do _something_."

"What about the snowstorm? Can't we just get pizza or something?" He hoped this would do something to convince Mello that they should not go out somewhere. Besides, he didn't want to add 'stuck out in a blizzard' to his list of experiences.

"We can get pizza any day, and it's not supposed to come until later tonight. It should be fine, but if you really don't want to do anything, I guess we don't have to."

"We could rent a movie," he offered, seeing Mello's disappointment.

"Wow, pizza and a movie. How exciting," Mello said sarcastically as they walked towards the checkout line.

"But that's what I want to do," Matt returned defiantly.

"No, really, it's fine. You should choose anyway. I mean, it _is_ supposed to be for you."

Each of the lines looked equally long so they simply went to the closest one, which happened to have a display of chocolate Pocky near it. Matt figured that Mello, who was leaning against the side of the cart facing away from the display, must not have seen it for otherwise he would have likely attacked it. Matt grabbed one of the red boxes and tossed it into the cart. Hearing it land, Mello turned around to see what had made the noise. "Thanks," he said, "Get two boxes."

"What do you mean 'thanks?' I was getting that for me," he said, taking another box from the display and adding it to the cart.

"Oh, I thought you didn't care for chocolate," Mello said, surprise evident in his voice.

"I, um, think I like it a little better now." He could feel himself start to blush again which only made him more embarrassed. _Great, something else he can tease me with._

After Mello's little "birthday" celebration, he had discovered that chocolate wasn't all that bad. So for the past couple days since then, he found himself wanting more.

"And does this by any chance have something to do with licking it off me?" Mello whispered in his ear seductively, placing a hand lightly on Matt's hip.

"Mello, please don't." He felt like his cheeks were on fire.

"That's it, isn't it?" Mello exclaimed excitedly, "I was joking."

"Oh look, we're next in line," Matt said, trying to change the subject. He started taking the groceries out of the cart and putting them on the counter.

"Hello," the cashier, a very bored looking man about their age, said halfheartedly, "Did you find everything alright?"

Matt tried to respond, but Mello cut him off. "So then you _do_ like to play with chocolate syrup. We finished the last bottle; do you want me to go back and get more? Maybe add in some whipped cream this time?"

Matt stared down at the counter, certain that his face must be about the color of a tomato. "No, um, you don't have to…"

"They're just right over there. I'll be right back." Mello left him standing there with the cashier. He was mortified.

"I'm, uh, sorry about this," Matt said to him as he waited, hoping that Mello would return soon.

"It's fine." The cashier too looked very uncomfortable, if not less bored as he scanned the items on the counter.

After what seemed like an eternity, Mello returned with the two containers in hand. "Here you go," he said pleasantly to the cashier, putting them on the counter along with everything else.

The cashier finished scanning what was left and gave them their total. Matt paid and left as quickly as possible. "I hate you," he said as they made there way towards the exit.

"Don't be ridiculous. You know you love me." Mello was right, but there was no way Matt was going to tell him so right then. And he did hate when Mello acted like that.

They stepped out into the frigid air. The snow was already falling, coming down in huge flakes. "I can't believe this is supposed to turn into a blizzard," Matt said as they walked to the car, forgetting his anger for a moment and marveling at how peaceful it looked.

"Yeah, I guess we better get home." He sounded disappointed, making Matt wonder if he thought there was still a chance that he would have convinced him to go out to celebrate after all.

After loading their purchases into the trunk, Matt got into the driver's seat. Mello still had the keys from driving there, but he was not going to let him drive; who knew where they would end up if he did? "Give me the keys," he said when Mello made no move to hand them over.

"Say please."

Matt sighed. "Please," he said. Mello fished the keys out of his pocked and handed them to him. He started the engine and pulled out of the parking space. "You know, you say I act childish, and then you act like this."

"Sorry if I think you should be polite."

"You know that's not what I'm talking about," Matt said, pulling out of the parking lot.

"If you weren't so uptight about it all the time, I wouldn't tease you about it. I don't understand what the problem is."

"The problem is that I'm not comfortable with sharing _everything_ with _everyone_. And I wish you wouldn't have done that at the cash register. It was bad enough you had to bring up the chocolate syrup in front of the cashier and then you left me there with him."

"I'm sorry." The apology sounded sincere to Matt, but he wasn't entirely sure that he trusted that it actually was.

"I'm sure."

"No, really. I _am_ sorry. I won't do it again." Matt glanced over at Mello who was looking at him with an angelic face.

"I've heard that before. I don't think you're capable."

"You're probably right," he said, a devilish smirk presenting itself at his lips.

"Oh, I know I'm right," he said, confident in his accusation.

"You like it." Mello leaned over and started to kiss his neck, placing his hand at Matt's inner thigh. And Matt _did_ like how affectionate Mello was; it was just that he preferred said affection to be shown behind closed doors. Or at least not while he was driving.

"The road is icy and you're distracting me," he said trying his best to keep his attention on the road as opposed to on Mello's fingers which were playing with the zipper on his pants.

"I guess you're right," Mello said with a sigh. Matt could feel Mello's warm breath at his neck even after he had returned to the confines of his own seat.

He pulled into the parking lot of the movie store. "Stay here," he told Mello, taking the key from the ignition.

"Not a chance." Mello got out of the car and followed him in. "How am I supposed to stop you from getting some stupid sci-fi movie if I don't come in?"

"Then what do you want to get?" he asked, hoping that Mello wouldn't decide to try to humiliate him again. He was no longer mad at him for earlier, but he did not want any sort of repeat.

"I don't know," he said, looking over the rows of new releases. After a moment, he picked up one. "How about this?" he suggested, reading the back. Matt read over his shoulder. It sounded like a romantic comedy; it still baffled him that Mello, of all people, liked romance films.

"Sure," he said. He wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible, plus it sounded pretty good.

By the time they returned to the car, it was snowing much harder. Matt worried that they might end up stuck in a snowstorm anyway, and they still had to pick up dinner. "Just run in and get something. I'll wait here," he told Mello when they reached the pizza place.

Once Mello had went in, he leaned his arm on the steering wheel and laid his head down on his arm. He felt exhausted. Between everything that happened at the grocery store and then the snowstorm, which he hated driving in, he had had a very trying day.

A few minutes passed and Mello returned with a pizza box. "You okay?" he asked.

"Just tired," he said, starting the car.

The drive home was fairly silent. Mello had tried to talk to him a couple times, but Matt more or less just brushed him off. It took all his attention just trying to see the road through the mass of white.

"I could have driven," Mello tried.

"It's fine, really."

"Then why are you gripping the wheel so tightly? Your knuckles are about as white as the snow."

"Yeah, well it's not exactly fun driving in this. How close do you think we are to the house? I can't see anything."

"We should be pretty close by now." Mello took out his cell phone and typed something into it. The female voice of the GPS informed them that they were .5 miles away from their destination. "I'm thinking about .5 miles," he said, echoing the voice.

With the aid of the GPS, Matt managed to pull up in front of the house. He thought he was probably on the grass, but he didn't really care. They quickly grabbed the groceries from the trunk and hurried inside.

"We should really get that fixed," Matt said, closing the door behind him.

"Fix what?" Mello asked, already heading towards the kitchen to put everything away after leaving the pizza on the coffee table.

"The awning. Didn't you notice that huge icicle hanging from the spot where it leaks?"

"Yeah, but why bother. I'm hoping we'll be able to get out of here soon." He dropped the grocery bags on the floor where the table had been. They still hadn't replaced it.

"Why?" he asked as he started putting some of the stuff they had bought away, voice sounding worried. He liked their house and the town they lived in; he didn't want to leave.

"Because I feel trapped here. Did you forget we're not here by choice? The second we can leave, I'm going."

"And what if I want to stay?" Matt could hear the sadness in his own voice.

Mello paused for a moment, in the middle of putting the milk in the refrigerator. "We'll talk about this later," he said into the refrigerator.

"But-" Matt started, suddenly very worried.

"We can't leave yet, so it doesn't even matter." Matt said nothing in return, a bit shocked by Mello's harsh tone. A very terrible thought started to worm its way into his head. Mello had blatantly said that he wanted to leave, and since he was evading the topic, could that mean…

The silence was cut off by Mello's voice, this time softer. "I'm not going to leave you, if that's what you're worried about," he said, turning around to face Matt as he spoke. Relived, Matt threw his arms around Mello, leaning his head down on his shoulder. "You didn't really think I'd leave you, did you?" Mello said gently, rubbing Matt's back.

"The way you said that, I just…I don't know… I've just been really stressed all day…"

"You don't have to worry about that, Mattie. I'm never going to leave again. You can't get rid of me that easily. Come on, our pizza is probably getting cold. Let's hurry up and finish here."

But as they put the remaining groceries away, Matt couldn't help but think about it. Not necessarily Mello leaving him, as he now felt stupid for even thinking it, but Mello wanting to move out of their house. He decided that he would have to do whatever he could to convince him that they should stay.

Matt brought a box of the Pocky into the living room with them, tossing it to the coffee table next to the pizza, and sat down on the couch. He took out a slice of pizza as Mello put in the DVD before joining him.

The movie was fairly good, but about halfway through, Matt started to feel very tired. He laid his head down on Mello's shoulder and opened the box of Pocky, trying to stay awake.

Watching as the box was opened, Mello reached down for one, but Matt pulled it away. "These are mine, remember?" Matt said coyly.

"Please?" Mello tried.

"Nope. If you want one, you'll just have to take it from me." He placed one of the chocolate covered sticks in his mouth and looked over at Mello.

"I suppose if I have to." Mello ate the piece of Pocky almost down to the base which still stuck out between Matt's lips and stopped. "I think I've had enough," he said turning back to the movie, a small smile at his lips. Unsatisfied, Matt ate the last bit of the stick of Pocky and stole a kiss from Mello before leaning his head back down onto his shoulder. He took another piece before holding the box up for Mello.

As the movie progressed, Matt's eyelids became more and more heavy. He abandoned the unfinished box of Pocky on the coffee table and laid down, resting his head in Mello's lap. He fought his heavy eyelids, trying to stay away, but as Mello played with his hair, stroking it gently, they fluttered close.

In his half conscious state, he heard Mello ask if he was awake, but couldn't seem to find the energy to respond. Mello turned off the movie with the remote before picking Matt up and carrying him upstairs. He laid Matt down on the bed and removed the goggles from over his closed eyes, placing them on the nightstand. After laying the covers over Matt's sleeping form, he leaned down to place a soft kiss on Matt's lips. "Good night," he whispered.

* * *

**A/N**: I actually wrote a good 90% of this chapter when I had a day off because of a snowstorm. Anyway, I received so many nice reviews on the last chapter that I've decided that I must thank you now rather than waiting until I reach 100 reviews or the end of the story, whichever comes first. Perhaps I'll make this a permanent addition to the end of each chapter.

With that said, a special thanks to the following reviewers:  
LoveUntilWeBleed, TearfullPixie, OhMyJ33V4S, MostlyxShortxStories, Kari Twilight Mist, kiki1070, xxFlutterStutterBOOMBOOMxx, MailxJeevasxFTW, CharizardCyndi, SonicCritic, Chaotica Keehl, amos222, werewolfinlove


	21. Chapter 21: Volatile

Chapter 21: Volatile

Mello turned the page idly, only paying half of his attention to the book he was reading. The other half was on Matt, who was sitting on the floor next to the couch, playing video games.

He got halfway down the page before realizing that he had no idea what he had just read. After trying a second time and making no more progress than the first, he gave up, folding the corner of the book over and laying it down on his stomach. He stretched out a little more across the couch, adjusting the throw pillow behind his head, feeling rather apathetic, not towards anything specifically but just in general.

Having nothing better to do, he watched as Matt played video games, focusing not on the TV screen, but on Matt himself. The amount of concentration Matt demonstrated was astounding. He stared at the TV, thumbs smashing the buttons vigorously as he played. _A bomb could probably drop on the house and he wouldn't notice._ He decided to try something, partially because he was bored and partially because he was curious.

"Matt?"

"Uh-huh?" So he was at least responsive.

"Why do you want to stay here so badly?"

"Whatever you want." That didn't seem like the right kind of response given how adamantly Matt had been campaigning to convince Mello that they should stay. He had apparently taken Mello's 'We'll talk about this later' as an open invitation to bring it up every chance he got.

Mello had thought that his explanation of why he didn't want to stay was adequate, but Matt, evidently, did not. Not wanting to fight about it, Mello had tried to evade his questioning. He knew that, although they had kept their conversations about it civil as of yet, if Matt continued, they would eventually end up arguing about it. But Matt was persistent, and Mello could only be patient for so long.

Matt would work reasons why they should stay into their conversations. It was clear that he thought that he was being clever doing this, but Mello thought otherwise. Clever, no; annoying, yes.

And yet, throughout all of the small things he mentioned in the hope of convincing Mello – how beautiful the snow looked outside, how comfortable they were in the house, etc. – he had never really said why he wanted to stay. There had to be a more meaningful reason, one that was not dictated by these simple novelties. Mello felt that whatever the real reason was, it would likely be more convincing to him than the pleasant, though non-unique, qualities Matt listed. They could find these attributes in other places; if there was something specific to keep them there, something that they could find nowhere else, he would consider staying.

But Matt never gave him such a reason, and now that he had actually asked him, he didn't seem to be paying attention. Since Matt's answer not only didn't make sense but also failed to answer the question, Mello decided to try a different approach. "I was abducted by aliens."

"Okay."

"I'm going to have one of the alien's babies."

"Sure." Clearly he was not getting through to him.

Mello looked at the TV; it appeared as though Matt was in the middle of some important boss battle. He looked back to Matt who was leaning against the side of the couch, easily within arm's reach. It would be so easy to destroy his game. He considered how mad Matt would be if he did something that would mess up his game and found that he didn't actually care. Feeling too lazy to get up and stand in front of the TV or try to get the controller away from him, he simply placed a hand tightly over Matt's goggle covered eyes.

Matt tried to move his head to look around the hand that was obstructing his view, but Mello wouldn't let him. "What are you doing? Stop it!" Matt said. Mello watched with amusement as he tried to continue playing without his eyesight to no avail; his character was quickly exterminated by the giant monster it had been fighting. Only then did Mello remove his hand from over Matt's eyes.

"What the hell is your problem?" Matt exclaimed, turning around to present Mello with a glare, "That was my last life and I was about to win the boss battle!"

"Is that so?" Mello said nonchalantly, remaining totally composed. Placing his hands behind his head, he stared up at the ceiling, barely even acknowledging Matt.

"Yes 'that's so' and you knew it. So I repeat: What the hell is your problem?"

"You weren't paying attention to me."

"I wasn't paying attention to you, so you sabotage my game? What is so important that it couldn't wait?" Matt was clearly very upset about this. Mello smiled internally, happy to get a rise out of him.

"Never mind." Mello picked the book back up off of his stomach and tossed it to the coffee table before rolling over, facing the back of the couch, away from Matt.

"No, I'm interested now. What is _so_ important? I'm listening." It sounded as if Matt was trying to control his anger, but his voice was still strained, conveying his very obvious annoyance to Mello.

"Why don't _you_ answer that, Matt? What _is_ so important here?" His own irritation showed through in his voice, interrupting his otherwise stoic demeanor. With this, he realized how badly he wanted a confrontation, something to perhaps reconcile their differing opinions. He couldn't take evading Matt's utter persistence anymore.

Matt paused for a moment. "What are you talking about?" His voice had regained its ire, quickly dropping the minimally pretenseful calm that it had displayed.

Mello sat up to face Matt who let his animosity show freely on his face, arms crossed, standing over him. "You're the one who insists on staying here, but you won't say why. What is _so_ great here?"

"Really? You want to talk about this _now_? What happened to 'it doesn't matter; we'll talk about it later'?" Matt jeered, mocking him openly.

"Fine. We don't have to talk about it now. I'm not the one who keeps trying to sneak the subject into the conversation."

"No, you just interrupt my game and start bitching about…about…I don't even know what this is about. One minute you won't even acknowledge my questions and the next you demand we talk about it. If you want to talk about where we are going to live, fine, let's do it then."

"_Talking_ is going to require you to quit yelling," Mello said, his voice perfectly level.

"I'm not yelling!"

"Then you and I have very different definitions of the word." Mello looked up at Matt from his seat on the couch. He wasn't sure why exactly, but at that moment, he enjoyed seeing Matt angry. Normally he was the one who let his anger get the better of him, not Matt. This change seemed an interesting development to him.

But he had to make an effort to stay calm at this point as his original composure was starting to abandon him. He could feel his own anger building, not knowing how long he could keep up his calm façade before he exploded. The challenge that he had presented to himself to see how long he could stay unemotional had became a battle.

"We're going to debate the definition of a word? Why don't you stop these idiotic games and get to the point?"

"So you think I'm an idiot?" His voice quivered slightly, a crack in his otherwise calm exterior. He was losing the battle.

"That's not what I said! Stop putting words in my mouth!"

"But that's what you think, isn't it?" He stood up, his hands clenched into fists. He was glad that he was taller than Matt, although it was only by an inch or so. "You think I'm stupid and unreasonable because I don't see things your way." His voice had a sharp edge to it, beginning to rise along with his irritation.

"No, I think your being pigheaded because you won't even consider what I think," Matt shot back.

"I've considered it! I just don't understand what is so great here," he said, at this point blatantly yelling. He had lost his poised state. "Please, enlighten me," he added sarcastically.

"Why should I? You've never explained why you hate it so much!"

"Yes I have! We're stuck here! Or do you not understand that?"

"That's stupid! We-"

"There it is again. So you _do_ think I'm being stupid."

"Yes, I do! Now would you let me finish? We're stuck here anyway, so why the fuck does it matter?"

"Of course it matters! Do you remember that hamster you had?"

A look of confusion clouded the anger that tainted Matt's features. "Yeah. It got out and Roger stepped on it." Though he was no longer yelling, he almost seemed more hateful, as if bringing up the unpleasant memory had brought on a new level of resentment towards Mello.

"Exactly. It got out; it _wanted_ out."

"So you're going to leave, and then what, get stepped on?" His tone was harsh, mocking.

"I'd rather run the risk of getting stepped on than be stuck in this cage for the rest of my life."

"You're comparing yourself to a hamster. That has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard." His tone bordered on disgust.

"Matt, just shut up," he said, his voice becoming dangerously quiet. In the midst of his fury, a realization had hit him, causing him to reconsider his actions, but it was too late to take everything back now. If this kept up he would end up doing something he would regret.

"Don't tell me to shut up! You can't make me!" His words sounded like a challenge to Mello, and without thinking, he readily took the bait.

Mello drew his fist back and as he did so, for the briefest of moments, saw a flicker of fear in Matt's eyes before they reasserted their icy glare. He didn't back away or even flinch, instead he held firm, waiting to receive the blow from Mello. It was as if he was trying to provoke Mello.

Mello paused, fist still raised. He couldn't believe what he was about to do. He hated himself for wanting to do something that would hurt Matt and for starting their argument, because ultimately, it was his fault. Looking into Matt's hate filled eyes, he regretted everything. He was the one that had let his anger get the better of him. He was the one who had ruined Matt's game. It was ridiculous to think that this had been started by such a petty occurrence.

But it hadn't really started there. Not really. Although it was true that Mello had been the one who had exposed their hostility, bringing it out in the open, the underlying tension had been there for days. And what did it go back to? Matt's annoying tendency to badger him about staying in Biei. Mello would have been content with not reconciling their opinions until they actually had to make the decision, but Matt had been the one to insist they needed to decide then.

He could feel his anger build again as he stared at Matt, who still hadn't moved. It had been Matt's fault, or at least, it had started with Matt. The enmity he had felt returned almost as quickly as it had dissipated, this time almost verging on hatred. Because it was Matt's fault, or so he was convinced.

In spite of everything, he did feel a small amount of compassion towards Matt when he remembered the fear in his eyes. He had never meant to hurt Matt, yet he almost had, and if he didn't remove himself from the situation, he still might.

"I have to get out of here," he said, quickly moving away from Matt towards the door.

Matt stood in the same spot, staring as the blond walked away from him. It took him a moment to recover, to respond. "F-fine. Leave." His voice, weak at first, slowly regained its indignation as he spoke, until he was once again yelling as Mello grabbed his jacket and keys and threw the door open. "Get out!" Mello heard as the door slammed shut. He couldn't be certain, but he thought he heard Matt add "I hate you" to the end. A sharp pang of lamentation hit him with the realization that Matt was likely not kidding this time as he had been the last time he had said those words as they had left the grocery store.

But he continued to assert to himself that this was not his fault, or at least, for the most part not his fault. Therefore he should feel no remorse, and yet, he did. But he couldn't go back inside and apologize to Matt, his pride wouldn't allow it, and even if it would have, he wasn't entirely sure that he was sorry. Feeling more confused by his tangled emotions than anything, he chose to stay angry, for it was the easiest emotion for him to handle and the one that he had become most accustomed to over the course of his life.

He stomped across the snow covered yard to his motorcycle, feeling the heat of his anger course through his veins. He reveled in it, allowing it to consume him. He knew that he was taking the easy way out, and he didn't care. Starting the motorcycle with a quick, almost violent motion of his wrist, he pulled out in front of the house and took off down the street.

Despite the roads still being snowy from the blizzard, he took little caution, speeding down the road at a dangerous rate give the conditions. Matt was wrong. There was absolutely nothing good about staying in that town. He hated the town and he hated their house and he hated Matt for asserting that there was anything worth staying there for.

He was caught off guard when the front wheel of his motorcycle wobbled, slightly at first and then more violently, as it plowed through the snow, forcing him to grip the handles tightly in order to keep it straight. No longer feeling safe at the speed he was going, he was forced to slow down, but only did so minimally. _Another thing I hate about this hick town: the roads stay shitty forever because they don't clear them._

As he stared down the white covered road, he realized that he didn't actually know which way he was going. In both directions of their house were snow covered fields with little defining characteristics. But he didn't care. He couldn't stay there any longer, sitting and waiting. He needed to be in motion, making progress towards something. And although he did not know where he was going, wherever he ended up would be better than staying at the house.

* * *

**A/N:** This chapter was particularly difficult to write, and I unfortunately don't think the next couple will be any easier. Regardless, I will continue to do my best to post regular updates.

A special thanks to the following reviewers:  
kiki1070, LoveUntilWeBleed, JinxxMusicXX, Jeekey, CharizardCyndi, Kari Twilight Mist, TearfullPixie, MailxJeevasxFTW, xxFlutterStutterBOOMBOOMxx, ShadowQueen1996


	22. Chapter 22: Remorse

Chapter 22: Remorse

"I hate you!" Matt yelled to the door which Mello had slammed behind him only seconds before. He didn't care if Mello had heard or not.

He turned around and, seeing the 'Game Over' screen that still occupied the TV, felt even more infuriated. He couldn't fathom why Mello had to be so unreasonable.

Deciding that there was no other option but to start over and try to beat the boss battle again, he picked up the controller and went to sit on the couch. In the process of sitting down, he stopped himself and almost jumped away from it. That was where Mello had been sitting.

Matt glared at the couch for an oddly long time before even noticing what he was doing. He didn't know why he was, in essence, having a staring contest with a couch. Feeling foolish, he simply sat in the chair instead.

He restarted the game from his last save point but, as he played, he kept getting distracted. All he could think of was their argument. As his stock of lives dwindled, he became increasingly frustrated by the fact that, even in his absence, Mello was impeding on his ability to concentrate.

He paused the game and leaned back in the chair, rubbing his eyes roughly. Sighing, he looked back to the paused screen and was about to continue playing when he remembered the couch. He looked over to it again, feeling as if it were taunting him. "What the hell do you want?" he asked the couch, his tone flat. The couch, of course, did not respond.

Matt unpaused the game and tried again to concentrate, but the couch kept entering his thoughts. He was beginning to feel like it was Mello in the form of an inanimate object. He paused the game once again and got up. He couldn't stand it anymore; the couch had to go. But there was really no way for him to get rid of it unless he was going to put it in the front lawn which, he decided, would be too much work. Instead, he pushed it into the corner of the room.

Happy with his work, he looked at the remaining furniture. The room looked strange with the couch gone; there was a very obvious blank spot where it had been. He would have to rearrange the furniture, but first there was a more pressing matter: the book Mello had been reading still sat on the coffee table. He picked it up and threw it halfway across the room to the couch. It hit the back and fell to the cushion. With the offensive object out of his way, he could begin his work.

About an hour later, the room had gone through three different arrangements, all excluding the couch. Finally deciding on one, he sat down in the chair, which was now placed where the couch had been, and tried playing video games again.

But Mello still weighed heavily on his mind. Their argument persistently kept invading his thoughts, leaving little room for anything else. He eventually gave up, finding that trying to play his video game without being able to concentrate was a waste of time. He got up and turned the game off but returned to the chair. He hadn't really thought of what he would do after he turned the game off, and at that moment, he couldn't think of anything.

He picked up the remote from the coffee table and started scrolling through the channels. After passing a dozen or so channels by, he came across a cooking show. It appeared to be designed for beginners, this particular episode focusing on an easy Italian meal. The woman who was hosting the show seemed over enthusiastic given the simplicity of the spaghetti dish she was making.

His thoughts immediately went to the spaghetti Mello had made him for his birthday. A small laugh escaped him. _It was a good effort, but Mello really can't cook._ It wasn't that it had been bad exactly, it had just been very bland. Even so, he had appreciated the effort.

He hadn't thought about that day in a long time. That was the day he had started to let Mello in; he had never shared his past with anyone else. Though it had only been a little, it was a start. That was also the day of their first kiss. He smiled at the thought. Everything had started with that day.

Spaghetti had also been the first dish he had cooked in years. He had told Mello the rest of his personal history while making it. It had been difficult, but he had done it because he loved Mello. He had been surprised at how Mello had comforted him. Mello could be crass, he could be blunt, and he could be stubborn, but he really did love Matt, and Matt knew it.

It wasn't just those two days; Mello had done so much for him. If it had not been for him, he wouldn't have been able to quit smoking. Though it had been one of the hardest things he had ever done, he got through it because of Mello. Given everything, Matt felt as though he owed Mello more than he could ever repay him.

So much had happened to them since they had moved into that house. There were just too many memories attached to it to give it up so easily. It had been a ridiculous notion to think that by removing the couch, he could stop thinking about Mello. Everything in that house held memories, down to the very walls themselves. They had picked out the paint color for the living room together, and as he thought about it, he was still glad that they hadn't gone with the dark red Mello had wanted.

Though he stared at the TV, he did not focus on it. Instead, thoughts of Mello and everything they had been through swam in his head. He couldn't help it, but as he thought about everything, the last of his anger started to melt away, replaced by feelings of regret. Of everything that had happened, he most regretted saying that he hated Mello. _I hope he didn't hear that. The door was closed, but he still might have…_

He felt terrible about the entire thing. Although Mello had ruined his game, and he still didn't understand why, that was no reason for him to explode. He had been the one to start yelling, not Mello. He remembered Mello looking up at him from the couch, uncharacteristically calm given the circumstances, and wondered what had brought it all on.

It had seemed to come out of nowhere. Although Mello had said it had been because Matt had not been paying attention to him, he felt that this couldn't be the primary reason. He must have been trying to make Matt angry. It was ridiculous, after all, that Mello wouldn't know how angry Matt would be if he did something to mess up his game, especially during a boss battle. But that didn't answer why Mello had created the confrontation.

Their argument had quickly moved to the topic of where they would eventually be living, so it had to have something to do with that. _I have been bringing it up a lot lately. Maybe he was just annoyed by it._ But even so, it seemed an awfully strong reaction if Mello had just been annoyed.

Matt looked up at the clock on the wall. It had been almost two hours since Mello had left, but he wasn't all that worried. _He should be back in about an hour and then we can figure things out. He just needs some time to cool off._ Honestly, Matt was kind of glad that Mello had left; if he hadn't, they would still probably be mad at each other. Well, he couldn't be certain that Mello wasn't still mad at him at that moment, but he knew that it would pass, and Mello would come home.

Given everything that had happened, he felt rather foolish. Between overreacting when he had lost the boss battle, the argument itself, and rearranging the furniture for a reason he himself did not quite understand, he felt as though the majority of his actions that day had been absurd. The only thing he could do was wait for Mello to get home and apologize.

He continued to stare at the TV absentmindedly, his thoughts having taken over. He hadn't slept well the night before and was starting to feel tired. Perhaps that was part of the reason he had been so irritable. Almost without realizing it, he fell asleep.

• • •

Matt was jolted awake with the sound of a gunshot. Feeling disoriented when he didn't wake up in his bed, he quickly realized where he was. The gunshot had come from the TV as the cooking show had long gone off and had now been replaced by an action movie. He grabbed the remote off of the coffee table and quickly turned the TV off.

He slouched down into the chair and rubbed his eyes, trying to slow the quick pace of his heart. The first thing he noticed as he started to calm down was how dark it had gotten. Thinking that he couldn't have been asleep long enough for it to get dark out, he looked at the clock only to find out he'd slept for a little over four hours. He got up and stretched, feeling stiff from sleeping in the chair. _It's awfully quite; wonder where Mello…_

He stopped mid-stretch, remembering the events of the day. If it were that quiet, Mello probably wasn't home yet. "Mello…?" he called out, getting worried.

He ran through the house in search of the blond. Mello had been gone for over six hours. As he searched in vain, he couldn't help but feel as though something must have happened. Fight or no fight, Mello wouldn't have stayed out this long.

When he had looked through the entire house, he started to panic. He couldn't go out and look for him since he had no idea where Mello had gone, but then what could he do? Remembering his cell phone, Matt ran back up the stairs. He barely used it since Mello was the only one who had the number and there was very little reason for Mello to ever call him, so hadn't thought to check it.

He snatched the cell phone from the top of his dresser. Fumbling with the small buttons in his haste, he looked at the screen and his heart sunk. No new messages, no new texts.

He turned the volume on the cell phone up as loud as it would go and pocketed it. If Mello called, he wanted to make sure that he wouldn't miss it. He sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to calm himself. _He's probably fine. He's probably just…out somewhere and lost track of time…or something…_ This wasn't working, not when he couldn't help but feel like something bad must have happened.

He didn't think that Mello would leave him again; he had been upset but not so much so that he would leave. Besides, he hadn't taken any of his stuff with him. But what if he did leave…or worse? He tried not to think of what the 'or worse' could consist of and reasserted to himself that Mello was alright.

He took a deep breath and got up from the bed, deciding that he wouldn't think about it anymore. He would just have to keep himself busy until Mello came home. Because Mello would come home and they would work things out and everything would be fine, or at least, that's what he told himself would happen.

Matt stood there for a moment, not knowing what exactly he should do while he waited. Remembering the cooking show that had been on when he had fallen asleep, he decided to make himself something to eat. He wasn't very hungry, but at least it would give him something to do.

He went down to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, staring into it, not knowing what he should make. He finally decided on a sandwich as he had no motivation to make anything any more complicated, and started to pull out various random things to put in it. Not really paying attention to what he was doing, he made the sandwich and haphazardly threw everything he had used back into the refrigerator.

He took the plate into the living room and started towards the chair when the couch caught his eye. He changed course and sat down on the couch instead. He put the plate with his sandwich on the arm of the couch and curled up on it, back pressed in the corner, knees pulled up to his chest. He rested his head on his knees, looking at the sandwich. He really did not want to eat it but didn't know what else to do. He picked his head up slowly and was about to take the sandwich from the arm of the couch when his cell phone rang.

It startled him, causing him to jump and knock the sandwich off the arm of the couch. Matt quickly grabbed the cell phone from his pocket and looked at the number. It wasn't Mello's number and the only other person who might have his number, although it was probably unlikely, was Near. Regardless, he decided to answer it.

"Hello?" he said cautiously.

"Hello," came a female voice from the other end, "I'm calling from the Biei Town Hospital. A man was brought in today. He wasn't carrying any sort of identification and this was the only number programmed into his cell phone. We were hoping you could identify him."

Matt's heart sunk. It had to be Mello; there wasn't any other explanation.

"Sir?"

"Um, yeah," he said, realizing that he hadn't responded, "I'll…I'll be right there." He hung up without waiting to see if the woman had anything else to say, looking down at the cell phone in his hand. _They want me to identify him. He couldn't be…?_

With this, his shock wore off, and he ran for the door. He pulled some shoes on, not bothering to tie them, and grabbed his keys. As soon as he opened the door, a gust of cold air hit him, and without any sort of jacket, the wind felt especially icy. Feeling as though he didn't have the time to go get a jacket, he kept going. He needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible.

Once he was on the road, Matt had nothing to do and no way of distracting himself. His thoughts kept returning to Mello despite his effort to think of anything else. _He can't be dead, not after everything we've been through. Just because they need me to identify him doesn't mean he's dead. He's just unconscious._ He wished he would have pressed the woman on the phone for more information.

Just as he started to convince himself that everything was going to be all right, he realized that 'unconscious' could mean something almost equally bad. _He's not in a coma. I'm going to get to the hospital, and they'll tell me that he's going to be fine._ Or so he told himself lest he burst into tears at the thought that he would never be able to be with Mello again.

What made things worse was how they had left things. Matt couldn't help but feel as though this was his fault; if he hadn't freaked out about losing the boss battle, they wouldn't have fought, and Mello wouldn't have left. If something terrible had happened, Matt would never be able to forgive himself.

He pulled into the hospital parking lot and ran into the hospital. "Someone called me about Mel…a man that was brought in," he said to the girl at the reception desk as calmly as he could manage.

"Yes, he's in the ER right now. You'll have to wait until the doctors are done." He recognized the voice of the woman on the phone.

"ER, wait, no. What happened? I need to see him."

"Sir, please calm down. You're going to have to wait-"

"You don't understand. I need to see him!" he practically yelled at the woman. He was starting to panic. If Mello was in the emergency room, then something was terribly wrong.

"Sir, if you don't calm down, I'll have to call security."

He looked down his hands gripping the edge of the reception desk and tried to calm himself. He didn't understand how the woman could act as if nothing was wrong. "Could you at least tell me what happened?"

"I'm sorry. I don't have that information. Please have a seat and I'll tell you when you are allowed to see him."

"Do you think he'll be alright?" he asked quietly, not at all sure why he had even bothered to ask. This woman didn't appear to know anything more than he did.

"I'll call you over as soon as I get any information," she said, offering him a look of condolence.

He walked away from the less than helpful woman and sat down in one of the chairs in the nearly empty waiting area. The only other person there was an old woman who had blatantly been staring a moment before but looked back down at her magazine when he looked over at her. He didn't care if the old woman was nosy and honestly couldn't care less if she wasn't there at all.

He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. He couldn't take it anymore; Mello was in the emergency room because of him. He had never hated himself more than he did at that moment.

Matt placed his head in his hands; he could feel tears welling up in his eyes as he thought about their argument. If they hadn't fought, none of this would have happened – Mello wouldn't be in danger. Tears started to roll down his cheeks. He neglected to wipe them away.

* * *

**A/N**: With only a few more chapters left (as of now, I plan on chapter 26 being the last chapter), I've been making plans for what I want to write next. I've put summaries for each of the ideas I have for my next fanfic on my profile as well as a poll. Please go vote! I will take the poll results into consideration when I decide what to write next.

The sequel of this fanfic is included in the poll, but I did not include a summary because I don't want to give anything away. Sorry guys, you'll have to wait a little longer to find out what my plans for that are. :3

A special thanks to the following reviewers: LoveUntilWeBleed, Midnightkisses10, xxFlutterStutterBOOMBOOMxx, Kari Twilight Mist, MailxJeevasxFTW, wut D, OhMyJ33V4S, MostlyxShortxStories, SonicCritic, ShadowQueen1996, Jeekey, Armour-Duck, TearfullPixie, kiki1070, CharizardCyndi, SecretYaoiLoverInc, CMHerrera


	23. Chapter 23: Mello

Chapter 23: Mello

I like to think that I'm not a bad person, that I've just made a lot of really bad decisions over the course of my life. When things get tough, I do what I have to in order to protect myself no matter what the consequences are. That's just how I've always been, how I've always had to be. The way I acted after I found out about my parents, the way I treated everyone at Whammy's…there so much I would do differently if I had the chance.

When I first met Matt, I remember hating him instantly. I felt like he would be the one to get in the way of my success. I don't mean like how Near did, but if he was my roommate, he would be there constantly, and I didn't want to be associated with him. By that time, the other kids had figured out that they shouldn't mess with me, but I was constantly afraid that something would change, and things would go back to the way they had been. I saw Matt as the catalyst to that change. I didn't need some dork following me around all the time. It's kind of ironic, I suppose; now I love that dork and how he follows me around.

For awhile, I was successful: I made it very clear that I wanted nothing to do with him, and he stayed out of my way. That worked well until it looked like some of the older kids were going to beat him up. He was just so pathetic. I couldn't walk away when I saw what was about to happen, not when he reminded me so much of how I had used to be.

After that day, there was no turning back; Matt was my friend. He was still on edge every time he was around me for a long time, which I suppose he had every right to be. But the way he acted made me regret how I had treated him

The worst part is that I never seem to learn from my mistakes. That was only the first of many times that I hurt Matt. I'm selfish. I've always known this about myself though the only time I ever seem to care is when Matt gets hurt by my selfishness. I hate it, I really do, and I've tried to change, but every time it turns into me doing something for him to try to make up for it and then just going back to the way I've always been.

When I left Whammy's, when I left him, I kept telling myself that I had to, that there was no other choice. It was my way of rationalizing it, but I was just lying to myself. If I hadn't been so caught up in beating Near, I think I probably would have seen that. Instead, I was blinded by my desire to finally win and made what was probably the biggest mistake of my life.

If it hadn't have been for Matt, I wouldn't have cared. Leaving would have been easy if he had never entered my life or even if I hadn't rescued him from those kids. But that wasn't the case. He was part of my life, a very large part of my life, actually, and the only person I ever really considered my friend.

When I found out that L was dead, I felt like everything that was constant in my life fell apart. I'd never met him, but L was my idol, and his death devastated me. Since I had first arrived at Whammy's, I knew that I had to be the best; I had to be his successor. I must have gotten it into my head that if I could do that, then it would make up for everything that had happened in the past.

As soon as Roger told us that L hadn't picked between Near and I yet, I knew that I had to leave. Just like always, I was selfish. I could have stayed with Matt, but instead, I chose to ruin the last good aspect that was left in my life and abandoned him.

I knew that if I left, it would be hard on Matt, but I had no idea of what it would do to him. I feel like if I hadn't been so self-centered and so caught up in my own problems that I would have seen it. Instead, I just brushed it off and told myself that he would be fine without me.

Once I decided to leave, I couldn't change my mind. I went back to my room and packed my stuff, just throwing whatever I could find into a suitcase. When I came across my rosary, I stopped for a moment. I was kind of surprised to see it; I hadn't even thought about it in what had seemed like forever. The memories attached to it were from a lifetime ago.

A part of me wanted to throw it away and never think of it again, but I couldn't bring myself to do that just like I couldn't leave it behind when I left the Catholic orphanage. I threw it into the suitcase without giving it anymore thought. I didn't have time to sit there and argue with myself over whether I should take it or not. I was so afraid that Matt would come in because I knew if he tried to talk me out of it that I wouldn't end up going.

Just after I had finished packing, he did look in to tell me that he was going down to dinner, but he was in a hurry and didn't notice the suitcase. I told him I'd be down in a minute and threw the suitcase in the back of the closet. I wouldn't be able to tell him good bye, but I couldn't leave without some sort of farewell. If I could just have dinner like normal, spend just a couple more hours with him, I thought it would somehow count.

At dinner, I must have been acting weird because he asked me if I was alright. I told him not to be stupid that I was fine. He dropped it and went back to eating his dinner. I don't think we had ever been so quiet at dinner. I felt like I was wasting the last of my time with him, but I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything.

I could tell he knew something was wrong, but he didn't pry. Matt never tried to pry. We never talked about out lives before Whammy's, but it wasn't just that. He knew that if I wanted to talk about something that was on my mind, I would tell him. There was no way that I could let him in though, not that time.

I got ready for bed like normal. I had decided during dinner that it would be easier to leave after Matt was asleep. I waited until I thought he had fallen asleep and got dressed again. I took the suitcase out of the closet and was about to leave when I heard Matt mumble something in his sleep. It wasn't anything abnormal, he did it all the time, but it was enough to make me turn around. He looked so peaceful laying there. After seeing him, I stood there for a long time just watching him sleep. Maybe a part of me wanted him to wake up and ask me what I was doing because, if he had, there would have been no way that I could have left. But he didn't wake up, and after awhile, I started to feel like I couldn't wait any longer.

At that point, I felt like it would be so much worse if I left without saying good bye. I still couldn't wake him up and tell him in person, so instead I left a note. I don't even remember what I wrote now. Instead, I simply grabbed the first piece of paper I saw and scribbled down something to the effect of "good bye and I'm sorry." I was of course in more words than that, but everything else was just filler.

There had been so many times when I wished that I would have put more thought into that note. That and I should have probably used something other than the back of a homework assignment to write it on, but I needed to leave then if I was going to leave at all.

I wanted to leave it somewhere I would be sure that he would see it, so I put it next to that handheld game thingy he always played. If there was one place in the entire building he would find it, it would be there. I considered taking the game thingy or maybe his goggles with me, something to remember Matt by, but I figured he would already be mad enough at me without me taking his stuff, so I left it and walked out the door.

I've regretted leaving so many times since that day. I've wondered what my life would have been like if Matt would have found me packing or woken up when I was trying to convince myself to leave. He would have asked me where I was going, and that would have been it. I probably would have told him that I wasn't going anywhere, and I wouldn't have. It wouldn't have taken much to stop me; I did not want to go, but I felt like I had to.

Even if I would have had the courage to tell him what I was doing, he would have told me to give him five minutes and he'd be ready to go. There wouldn't be any way I would go after that. I wouldn't have put his life in danger like that, because as soon as I had decided to leave, I knew my life would be in danger.

It's for that reason that I was so reluctant to call Matt after I had blown up that building. I thought that I would willingly die before I would bring Matt into the mess I had created. And yet, it was when I was convinced that I was going to die that I called him. I kept thinking 'what if the nuns were right?' If they were, there would be no question; I would be going to Hell. I was desperate. If Matt could save me, if I could postpone my judgment… And even if he came too late, at least I would get to hear his voice one last time.

After I hung up, I could feel myself losing consciousness, and all I could think about was how much of a coward I was. I instantly regretted bringing Matt into it and almost wished that he would have refused to help me like I thought he would have. Instead, he had seemed more than happy to. I still don't know how he could have not hated me at that point.

I feel like that's not the only time he's saved my life. If his dream the night before I kidnapped Takada was any indication, we both would have ended up dead by the end of the day. I don't believe in premonitions, but I feel like we would have died if we hadn't changed the plan, so perhaps we are alive because of that dream, because of Matt. With everything he's done for me, even when I haven't always been the best friend to him, I really do owe him more than he could ever know.

And how do I repay him? By leaving when things get tough. I didn't want to deal with our argument anymore, so I left. And what makes things worse is that I started it. I was completely my fault; I realize that now. Sure, I was annoyed, but I was still a stupid thing to do.

All I can do is hope that he will forgive me; that's all it seems I can ever do. I've wronged Matt so many times over the course of my life, and it never seems to matter to him. I don't even know how he can stand to be around me anymore, but I'm grateful that he can.

I always seem to try to ruin everything good in my life. Maybe I'm just a masochist. I don't know, but I wish I would stop. I want to stop, but I don't know if I can.

If I could go back in time, there are so many things that I would change. So many mistakes, so many regrets. But I suppose everything led to Matt and me getting together so I must have done something right along the way. After I found out about my mother leaving me at the orphanage, Sister Katharina told me that everything happens for a reason, that it's all part of God's plan. I don't know about the second part, but maybe everything does happen for a reason. Maybe without all of my bad decisions, I would have never fallen in love with Matt. If that's so, then I'm happy that I've made a mess of my life. If that's the case, then maybe my life wasn't such a failure.

• • •

The first thing Mello noticed was the pain. He opened his eyes, confused at first by the stark white room he was in before realizing it was a hospital room. He squinted into the bright light that was pouring through the window and wondered how long he had been asleep.

As he started to become more aware of his surroundings, he noticed that his left hand felt oddly heavy. He looked down at it although it hurt to move. Matt was sitting in a chair next to the bed, bent over with his head lying on Mello's hand, sleeping. He smiled, happy that Matt was with him.

"He's been here since the doctors let him in," a voice said to his right. He looked over to see an old man in the bed next to his.

"How long have I been in here?" His voice sounded scratchy to his own ears as if from disuse.

"They put you in here with me yesterday. Before then, I don't know."

"Did he…," Mello wasn't entirely sure how to put what he wanted to ask into words. "Did he…say anything?"

"Your friend? When they let him in yesterday, he was in tears and kept telling you that he was sorry. He didn't leave your bedside once until the doctors had to kick him out when visiting hours were over. Even then, he didn't leave easily. He came back as soon as they would let him today with those flowers."

Mello hadn't even noticed the vase of lavender sitting on the table next to his bed. "He has nothing to be sorry for," he whispered, looking down at Matt.

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened?" It was clear that he was curious, but the way in which he asked didn't seem nosy at all.

"We had a fight and I left, went to the bar, and got drunk. I…I don't remember what happened after that." He hadn't thought about it, but he was surprised that he didn't remember anything. He must have drank a lot; he normally had a very high tolerance for alcohol.

"Well, he should be happy to see that you're awake. The way he was acting, you would have thought that someone died."

"Yeah." He shifted slightly, wincing at the pain the small movement had caused.

"Why don't you call for a nurse, get more painkillers," the man suggested, noticing how he had grimaced from the pain.

"No, I can wait. I don't want them to wake him." As he watched Matt's sleeping form, he knew things would be alright.

* * *

**A/N**: Exciting news! This story now has over 100 reviews! So happy. :D Thank you all so much for all the wonderful reviews. I'm not going to list out everyone who reviewed like I did when I got 50 reviews because I feel like that would be kind of redundant, but that does not mean you're your reviews weren't appreciated. I love all my reviewers. :)

A special thanks to the following reviewers (who reviewed chapter 22):  
kiki1070, Kari Twilight Mist, xxFlutterStutterBOOMBOOMxx, MailxJeevasxFTW, ShadowQueen1996, anonymousXandrogynous, TearfullPixie, Armour-Duck, Jeekey


	24. Chapter 24: Lavender

Chapter 24: Lavender

"…slipped on the ice and broke my hip. I'm telling you, getting old isn't fun."

"At least you know why you're in here. I still can't remember what happened. I…" That sounded like Mello's voice. Matt's eyes flew open upon the realization that Mello had finally woken up.

"I'm sorry, Mels. I'm so sorry," he said, lunging towards Mello and embracing him tightly. Mello's only reaction was to scream out in pain. Matt stumbled backwards with a new round of "I'm sorry"s and fell onto the bed next to Mello's. He proceeded to apologize to the old man in the bed, but the man paid him no attention.

"You're boyfriend's awfully jumpy, isn't he?" the man said to Mello as if Matt wasn't even there.

"He gets like that sometimes," Mello replied to the man, clearly still in a lot of pain from the unexpected hug/tackle, before turning to Matt. "Meet Takahashi-san, the man you almost sat on."

"Nice to meet you?" He didn't mean for it to come out as a question, but he was thoroughly confused by the entire situation. Shouldn't Mello still be mad at him? Instead he was acting as if nothing was wrong. And why was he suddenly friends with this old guy? Had the old guy even been in there before? He couldn't remember. If he had, Matt hadn't even noticed him.

"You don't sound so sure about that," the man said with a laugh, "But it's good to meet you too."

"Uh, yeah," he said, dismissing the man. "I'm so sorry. Do you want me to get a nurse or something?" he said to Mello.

"As long as I don't move, it's not that bad," Mello replied, still grimacing in pain.

"Are you sure? I can-"

"Matt, sit down and shut up." Matt complied, sitting back down in the chair he had been sleeping in moments before. He stared down at his hands in his lap, afraid to say anything else. He didn't want to upset Mello anymore, especially when he was already in the hospital because of him. "I'm sorry."

Matt looked up from his hands, surprised. "Why are you apologizing? This is my fault, not yours. I-"

"Stop." Matt did so, waiting for Mello to continue. "I'm the one who started the argument, I'm the one who left, and I'm the one who decided to go to the bar and get drunk. This is _not_ your fault."

"But-"

"No, don't you dare apologize again." Mello looked over at Matt, his expression stern. It appeared that there wouldn't be anymore discussing whose fault it was. "Now, do you know why I'm in the hospital?"

"You don't know?"

"If I did, would I be asking you?"

"Well, I was told you got into a fight with someone at the bar and fell through a window. You were knocked unconscious and were losing a lot of blood so someone called an ambulance. The doctor said that the glass punctured the cephalic vein in your right arm. You almost died…"

"Oh," was all Mello said. Matt knew that his explanation had been brief and rather simple, but he felt like the news that he had almost died warranted something more than 'oh' from Mello.

"Does someone want to tell me what a 'cephalic vein' is?" the old man asked, clearly surprised that he appeared to be the only one in the room who had never heard of it. He, of course, had no idea that they had learned extensive human anatomy at Whammy's.

"A major vein in your arm. No big deal," Mello responded, wincing when he tried to shrug his shoulders.

"What do you mean 'no big deal'? You almost died! You had to get 26 stitches!" Matt practically yelled at him. He couldn't take Mello's nonchalance; he had been worried sick and now Mello was acting as if nothing that was even worth noticing had happened.

"Did not," Mello said, lifting up his arm to get a better look at the stitches there.

"You have some on your shoulder and back too," he responded flatly.

"I've survived worse."

"I can't believe you! Do you have any idea how worried I was? You're acting like you got a paper cut!"

"Mattie?" Mello said softly.

"What?" His voice came much harsher than he had intended.

"It doesn't matter, okay? I'm just happy that I'm alive," he said, taking Matt's hand in his.

"Yeah," Matt said with a sigh, feeling his anger drain away, "so am I." After all, Mello was alive, and that was the most important thing. He leaned over and kissed Mello gently, careful not to do anything that might hurt him.

"Still here," the man said. Matt had actually forgotten about him and was starting to find his presence there annoying.

"Right, sorry," he said, glancing over at the man who had turned to look in the opposite direction. He brought his attention back to Mello. "So, I was thinking, it's okay if we don't stay in Biei. We can move someplace else if you want."

"No, we can stay. I don't care anymore."

"Really? What made you change your mind?"

"I almost died, remember?" Mello answered, a small smile coming to his lips.

"I'm so sorry." He knew that Mello was only joking, yet he could feel tears welling up in his eyes. Mello had almost died, and then Matt had first hurt him and then yelled at him. He felt like his presence was only making things worse.

"I told you to stop saying that," Mello said lightly. "I don't want you to feel like any of this is your fault."

"…Okay."

"No, not 'okay.' You shouldn't blame yourself. You know that it's not your fault, right?"

"Mm hmm." There was no way he was going to feel like it wasn't his fault, but it wouldn't help matters if he said so.

Mello looked slightly worried but continued nonetheless. "Anyway, I figured, if you want to stay here so badly, there must be something special here. Just because I can't see it doesn't mean that it's not there. So if you want to stay, I'm okay with that. But, could you at least tell me why you want to stay?"

"I just feel like there are so many memories in our house. _Everything_ happened there. We could move someplace else, but no matter how wonderful our new house was, it wouldn't have any of our memories attached to it. I didn't want to leave that behind… But it's fine if we do. It's just a house. I don't care where I live as long as you're there with me."

"You're wrong. It's not _just_ a house; it's our home. Besides, I don't think I want to leave anymore. I don't want to give up our memories there either."

"Whatever you want." Matt was glad that they would be staying, but it didn't seem to matter quite so much anymore.

Mello relaxed, lying down on the pillows, no longer making any effort to hold himself up. Seeing Mello relax, Matt felt as though he could finally relax too. He watched as Mello closed his eyes and breathed in deeply before opening them again and glancing around at his surroundings lazily. "Why lavender?" he asked, looking at the vase on the table.

Matt could feel himself blush. He had wanted the room to look nice when Mello woke up but couldn't think of anything else to do besides bring flowers. As soon as he had seen the lavender in the flower shop, he knew that it would be perfect. "It reminds me of you."

"How?" Mello asked, looking over at Matt, clearly surprised by his response.

"Um, your shampoo makes your hair smell like lavender. The first time I noticed was the first time you told me that you love me." He felt like he was sharing a very personal moment with Mello…and the guy in the bed next to him. He wouldn't have been embarrassed if it were just he and Mello. He couldn't even remember what Mello had said the man's name was.

Mello laughed lightly at this. "Is that all? Why are you blushing?"

"I just…What about…?" He motioned in the direction of the man in the bed next to him.

"He's not paying any attention," he said confidently. "Are you?" he asked the man.

"Nope."

Matt rolled his eyes. "Because that makes me feel so much better," he said sarcastically. He never would understand how Mello could be so open about everything.

"I remind you of a flower, so what? I'm beautiful and, apparently, I smell nice. I'm _exactly_ like a flower," he said jokingly.

"Yeah, and conceited. Maybe I should have gotten you some narcissus instead."

"Actually, I think I match the lavender better," Mello said, looking at the bruises that covered his pale skin.

"_I_ think the lavender matches you perfectly." He wasn't referring to the color, rather, what Mello had said previously. Because even with the bruises and stitches that adorned his skin and even with the black eye and his disheveled hair, Matt still found Mello beautiful.

"Come closer," Mello said with a devious smile.

"Why? What are you going to do?" He knew better than to trust Mello when he smiled like that.

"Calm down. I just want to tell you something." So Matt leaned over hesitantly. "I love you," Mello whispered into his ear, "And I'm sorry…for everything."

"What do you mean? You don't have anything to be sorry for."

"Really? Leaving after our fight, leaving Whammy's without even saying good bye, how about how I treated you when you first came to Whammy's? You're saying I don't have to be sorry for any of it?"

"None of that matters anymore."

"Of course it does. How can you even stand being around me after everything I've done?"

"Because I love you." With this, Matt heard the old man sigh impatiently. "What is your problem?" he said, turning towards him, becoming very annoyed. He felt as if the man was purposely intruding.

"You're not fixing anything. You both obviously still blame yourself for the fight, and you keep saying that things don't matter anymore, but it will. You feel bad about what happened now, but once that wears off, your problems will still be there."

"Go on, we're listening," Mello said as Matt was about to tell him that they didn't need his help. _When did Mello become the understanding one? He never wants to take anyone's advice._ It seemed odd to him that Mello was being so much more reasonable than he was. Normally, it would have been the other way around, but he couldn't help but feel like this man was butting into something that was none of his business.

"Well, I don't know exactly what happened during this fight, but in my experience, it normally takes two people to fight. You both have to understand that you can't just blame yourself _or_ just blame the other person. You're both to blame, so Mello, if Matt wants to apologize, let him. He-"

"Okay, wait," Matt said, cutting him off, "for one, how do you know my name and what makes you think that you're qualified to give us advice?"

"Matt, what is wrong with you?" Mello said rather angrily.

"It's fine," the man said, unaffected, "Mello told me what happened while you were sleeping. Believe it or not, your name came up during the conversation. And I was married for 32 years. I know a little something about relationships."

Matt felt like an idiot. He didn't know why exactly he was being so stubborn although he still didn't like the man's attitude. "Sorry, I don't know why I'm acting like this," he grumbled.

"I told you, it's fine. I'm sure this was all very stressful. You have every reason to be on edge. Anyway, you both have to accept that it wasn't just your fault as well as accept each other's apologies. You both seem content with staying here now, but you may change your minds in the future. You both need to make sure that you listen to what each other has to say. It seems like your biggest problem wasn't not being able to decide where to live, but not communicating with each other. You can't just assume that the other person knows how you feel about something. You have to tell them.

"As far as whatever happened in the past that you say doesn't matter anymore," he continued, this time talking specifically to Matt, "Can you say for certain that you actually forgive him or are you forgiving him because you feel bad about him being in the hospital?"

Matt looked over at Mello who appeared worried as if he didn't know how Matt was going to answer. "No, I really do forgive him," he said, offering Mello a smile.

"Well, then Mello, you need to learn to forgive yourself."

"I just…I've feel like I've made too many mistakes…" Mello said, letting his voice trail off.

"Mels, what is this really about? You've made too many mistakes for what?" Matt couldn't understand why Mello was being so hard on himself; there was nothing Mello could do that he wouldn't forgive him for, nothing that could make him stop loving him.

"I can't forgive myself for what I've done to you."

"Why not? Everything that has happened led to where we are now, right? We're both alive and we're together. I'd call that a success."

"How can you say that?"

"Because I kind of feel like everything happens for a reason." Matt wasn't entirely sure why, but Mello simply looked at him for a long while before saying anything. He was somewhat unnerved by the long span of silence but didn't want to risk breaking it, for he knew Mello was contemplating something of much importance.

"Sister Katharina told me the same thing," Mello finally said, "I didn't believe her then, but I think I believe you now. I think…I really do believe you."

"So you're okay then?" he said, hopeful that, even if Mello did not fully forgive himself quite yet, that eventually would be able to.

"I think so," Mello said, offering a small smile that conveyed only a small amount of the usual confidence he portrayed.

"See? This is what I was talking about. Communication," the man said in a loud, buoyant manner.

"I'm really am sorry about how I acted earlier," Matt said to him, "And…thank you." Although he did not want to admit it, he felt as though the old man had helped.

"You don't have to thank me. It's not like I have anything better to do."

"If you don't mind me asking, you said that you _were_ married, what happened?"

"My wife died a couple years ago of cancer," he said, his jovial expression disappearing.

"Oh…I'm sorry." Matt wished he hadn't asked.

"No need to be sorry. We did what we could, but it was diagnosed too late. That's why you can't waste your time with pointless fights. You might not have as much time as you think you do."

The door opened then, and a nurse entered. "Visiting hours are over now, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," she said to Matt. "Oh, you're awake," she said, seeing Mello, "How are you feeling?"

"Like I got ran over by a truck," he responded flatly. The old man chuckled softly.

"I'll be back in a minute with something for the pain," she said to Mello before turning back to Matt. "Am I going to have to call security again, or are you going to leave willingly today?"

"Give me a couple minutes, and I'll leave on my own."

"Okay," she said reluctantly as she left, "I want you gone by the time I come back."

"Told you that you'd have less time than you thought," the old man said jokingly.

Though the man's somewhat abrasive personality still bothered Matt, over the course of their conversation, he had come to see how Mello could have befriended him so quickly, as he seemed, by nature, amiable and benevolent. Though he was embarrassed that he couldn't remember, Matt felt that he needed to ask the question that had bothered him since he had first noticed the man's presence. "Uh, this is going to sound like a strange question, but were you here before?" Matt asked as he got up.

"They put me in this room the day before they put Mello in here."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't notice."

"That's okay. You seemed a little preoccupied."

He smiled and nodded once to the old man before turning to Mello. "I'll be back tomorrow. I love you," he said, leaning down to give him a kiss.

"Love you too," Mello said as Matt started heading towards the door. "Matt," he called as Matt was about to shut the door behind him.

"Hmm?" He turned around to look back into the room.

"Tomorrow, when you come back, bring chocolate."

"Of course," Matt said, laughing quietly to himself as he shut the door. There were some things that would never change.

* * *

A/N: Oh my, this is not at all how I thought this chapter would go. The old guy totally took over! Oh well, I think things went pretty well anyway.

In case you aren't flower savvy, narcissus is a white flower. I included the mention of it originally because of its obvious connection to narcissism from the Greek myth, but its white color also contrasts nicely with the purple of the lavender. So when Mello says that he matches the lavender better, the mention of the two different types of flowers contrasts the normal pallor of his skin with the dark bruises that now cover it. Not overly important, not like the lavender which does hold a symbolic significance ;)

Review please :D

A special thanks to the following reviewers:  
TearfullPixie, MailxJeevasxFTW, LoveUntilWeBleed, Kari Twilight Mist, CMHerrera, JinxxMusicXX, kiki1070, ShadowQueen1996, Strawberry-Blond Kunoichi, xxFlutterStutterBOOMBOOMxx


	25. Chapter 25: Visitor

**Warning:** I hadn't planned on it, but they do have sex in this chapter. It just sort of happened… I was actually very reluctant to keep this scene for reasons I'll explain in my author's note, but I did end up keeping it. Unlike the other two chapters that contain lemon, I don't want you to just stop reading when you get to it. If you don't want to read it, then don't, but since this is the last actual chapter (the next one is the epilogue), I feel it's important to read the ending. Just scroll down past anything you don't want to read, and at the end, there is a short, four line dialogue preceded by a small paragraph. This paragraph and dialogue are the "ending" I want you to read. It's rather short, but I feel that it's important.

* * *

Chapter 25: Visitor

"I don't need you to wheel me out in this stupid fucking wheelchair!"

"It's hospital protocol. Either I do it, or one of the nurses will," Matt said pushing the wheelchair down the hallway of the hospital towards the lobby.

"I don't give a damn about 'hospital protocol.' I can walk by myself." Mello tried to get up despite the fact that the wheelchair was currently in motion, but before he could even lift himself up more than an inch, Matt had grabbed his left shoulder, the one that didn't have stitches running through its skin, and pushed him back down.

"We'll be out of here in a couple minutes. You can get up then."

Mello sighed; he hated being treated like this. He felt like an invalid. Matt pushed him up to the reception desk and started talking to the woman there. He paid little attention to what they were saying, but instead, looked towards the exit, contemplating if he could make it out of the hospital without Matt noticing. He would rather wait in the car than in the hospital in a wheelchair.

"Sign this," Matt said, thrusting a clipboard in his face. He absentmindedly signed with the fake name he had used when they had bought the house and went back to his escape plan. He glanced up at the receptionist and Matt; it sounded like they were setting up some sort of payment plan for the hospital bill. As long as they were preoccupied, he just might be able to make it out the door without either of them noticing.

He got up as quietly as possible and walked, nonchalantly, towards the door, glad that Matt had left the wheelchair positioned slightly behind him, out of his range of view. Just a few more steps and he would be out the door. He pushed the door open and stepped out into the cold air. It was above freezing, and much of the snow from the blizzard had melted over the past couple days, but it was still very cold considering that Mello wasn't wearing a jacket. Matt had brought him a change of clothes but had neglected to bring any sort of coat.

He looked around the parking lot for the red Camaro but didn't see it. As he started to shiver under the thin t-shirt, Mello began to consider the fact that this wasn't a very well thought out plan. Not only did he not know where Matt's car was parked, but even if he could manage to find it, he didn't have the keys. Giving up, he resigned himself to the interior of the hospital once again. The wheelchair would be better than standing outside, freezing.

"Ready to go?" Matt said mockingly as Mello entered the hospital. He was leaning against the reception desk as if he had been waiting for Mello to come back. Mello rolled his eyes and waited for Matt go join him at the entrance. "Did you really think I wouldn't notice?" Matt said as he walked towards Mello. He didn't answer but willingly took Matt's hand when he offered it. "Your freezing," Matt said, his voice sounding worried.

"As it turns out, it's kinda cold out," Mello replied sarcastically as Matt held the door open for him.

"Do you want my coat?" Matt offered.

"No, I'm fine."

"Here, take it," Matt said, releasing Mello's hand momentarily to remove the coat. Mello willingly took it. Although he wouldn't admit it, he was glad that Matt had offered.

Once in the car, Mello could remove the coat that he had insisted that he didn't need. He started to, but stopped, deciding against it. "So, I set up a payment plan, but I still don't know how we are going to pay for the hospital bill since we don't have any insurance," Matt said as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"We still have some money, and we'll get jobs or something to pay for the rest. It'll be fine." Mello was a little surprised at Matt's sudden concern with money. It seemed not too long ago that they had walked past the pet store, and Matt had wanted to buy a kitten. It had been Mello that time who had been concerned with money.

"…I was thinking…." Mello waited for Matt to continue, but he didn't.

"That's great, Matt. I was wondering when you were going to start doing that."

"Haha, Mello. You're so funny," Matt said sarcastically, although he made no further attempt to finish his previous thought.

"…Are you going to tell me what you were thinking or are you going to make me guess?"

"If I tell you, you have to promise that you won't freak out, okay?"

"What a way to open. You're making me feel _so_ confident about this. …Alright, tell me."

"You promise you won't freak out? Remember, I'm driving. If you punch me or something, I'll probably crash the car, and we'll end up back in the hospital."

"I promise. Just tell me."

"What if we asked Near to help us pay the hospital bill?"

"No, absolutely not! There is no way we are going to ask that bigheaded twit for help." Mello couldn't believe that Matt had even suggested it. It had nearly killed him to ask Near to send Matt's NES for his birthday, he was certainly not going to ask him for money.

"Think about it though. He would have no problem paying the bill. He has all that money L left him."

"I don't care. I never want to see or talk to him again."

"You wouldn't have to. I could talk to him."

"No. I don't want to have to owe him anything. Forget it."

"Fine. I won't say anything else about it. But that means we should start looking for jobs," Matt said as he pulled into the pharmacy parking lot. "Are you going to come in or are you going to wait in the car?"

"I'll come in," Mello grumbled, throwing the car door open and heading for the door without waiting for Matt. _Why would he even think that I would accept help from Near? He knows I hate Near._ Matt entered shortly after him, walking up to the counter and giving the pharmacist the prescription.

"He said it shouldn't be too long. I figured we could just wait here instead of coming back later," Matt said, walking over to where Mello was standing.

"Whatever. I hope whatever the doctor prescribed is strong." The painkillers he had been given at the hospital were starting to wear off.

"Look, I know you're mad, but I'm sorry I brought up Ne-…uh, you know who."

"'You know who'? You can say his name; he's not Voldemort."

Matt chuckled softly. "I never did finish reading those books. Do you think Harry killed Voldemort in the end?"

"I'm sure of it. The good guy always wins in books like that." Mello had been obsessed with those books when he was younger, he and Matt both had, but after he had left Whammy's, he had more important things to worry about than finding out what happened to the students of Hogwarts.

"Yeah, if only it was that simple in real life."

Mello shrugged, wincing at the pain when the motion tugged at the stitches in his shoulder. He wished that pharmacist would hurry up. "Light died so I suppose that was some sort of justice."

"But the good guys shouldn't have had to go into hiding."

"Seriously? You're saying we're the good guys?"

"Aren't we? We wanted to catch Kira so doesn't that make us the good guys?"

"I don't know exactly what we are." Mello used to think that the ends justified the means, but now doubted that. Was his hurting all those innocent people really justified by the fact that he was doing it to try to catch Kira or did it put him in the same category as the bad guys?

The pharmacist called Matt over. "That was quick," he said.

"We're his only customers," Mello said, "He should have had it ready sooner."

The second Mello had the bottle of painkillers in his hands, he opened it and swallowed one of the light blue pills. "You didn't even read the instructions!" Matt said, chiding what he saw as Mello's recklessness.

"I'll read the instructions in the car," he said, heading towards the door. It would probably take awhile for the painkillers to start working, and he didn't want to have to wait any longer than he already had to. Once in the car, he did read the instructions as he said he would and saw no reason to have not taken one when he did.

"Do you want to pick up something to eat before we go home?" Matt asked.

"No, let's just go back to the house." He was getting kind of hungry as it was around lunchtime, but now that he had gotten some medication, all he wanted to do was go home, take a shower, and relax. He hadn't slept well at the hospital and a nap sounded like a wonderful idea.

He leaned his head back against the seat, watching the shops pass by the window as they drove out of town until the only thing around them was countryside. For the first time in his life, he was content with his surroundings. He could divide his life into four sections: the Catholic orphanage, Whammy's, the Mafia, and now. He didn't know exactly what the 'now' was, but he liked it. He had never before been content with where he was in his life; he finally felt at peace. _Maybe it's just the painkillers, but everything seems perfect._

He didn't remember falling asleep, but they were suddenly back at the house and Matt was nudging him awake. He got out of the car and stretched, quickly walking across the lawn to the front door. He wanted nothing more than to take a shower, but as he started up the stairs, his stomach growled. "Make me something to eat," he said to Matt who was picking up his coat which Mello had simply dropped on the floor rather than putting it away in the closet.

"What do you want?"

"Anything. I don't care." He continued upstairs and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him and peeling the clothes from his body. He turned the water on and stepped into the shower, feeling almost relieved as the water ran over his body, washing away whatever had collected on him over his three day stay at the hospital.

He poured some shampoo into the palm of his hand and worked it into his hair. He had never really paid attention to the strong lavender scent before. He, of course, had noticed it, but it had never meant anything before. When they had first moved there and had gone to the store to pick up some essentials, he had just picked it without putting much thought into it. But now it seemed to matter a great deal. This was the scent that Matt had come to associate with him.

He rinsed the shampoo from his hair and lathered soap over the surface of his body, being careful around the stitches. The gashes that they held together would inevitably leave scars behind. More scars to remind him of his mistakes. But even so, he didn't mind so much anymore. Though he still regretted his past errors, he was finally beginning to forgive himself. Maybe if these extra reminders etched into his skin, he would never again make such mistakes. At least, he hoped.

The door opened suddenly. When the smell of grilled cheese entered along with Matt, he expected that Matt had come to tell him the food was done, but this was not the case. "Uh, Mello?" he said hesitantly.

"Yeah?" Mello replied from behind the shower curtain, confused by Matt's cautious manner.

"We have a problem…"

"Either tell me what it is and leave or shut the door. You're letting all the hot air out."

"…Near's downstairs."

"I must be going crazy," he said, laughing lightly, "I thought I heard you say that _Near_ was downstairs."

"That's what I said…"

"Why?" he asked, suddenly on edge. So much for him relaxing.

"I don't know. He said he wanted to talk to us."

"Well, I don't want to talk to him."

"What are you going to do? Hide in the bathroom?"

"No, I…" He sighed. "Fine. I'll be down in a couple minutes. Stall him or something."

"You want me to entertain Near?" Matt asked in disbelief, "What am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, just think of something and do it," Mello said. Matt slammed the door on his way out; he clearly was not happy about the situation either. _It's just like Near to come by, unannounced. Well, I might not get to relax, but pounding Near to a pulp should be therapeutic._ He quickly finished his shower, not wanting to leave Matt down there alone with Near for too long; after all, there was no reason to punish Matt for this.

He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, figuring that he should probably not walk out of the bathroom, naked, with Near in the house even if it was only for the couple feet he would have to go to get to his room. He could hear Matt asking Near if he would like a grilled cheese sandwich and laughed quietly to himself. It was funny to imagine Matt trying to entertain Near.

He got dressed quickly and brushed his damp hair before going downstairs to see what Near wanted. As he descended the stairs, he was surprised to see, not only Near sitting on the couch, but also Gevanni. "What are you doing in my house?" he asked flatly.

"Is that any way to treat guests?" Near asked calmly, turning around to look at Mello as he walked across the room to sit on the arm of the chair Matt was in.

"Should unwanted guests just drop by without asking?"

"I was in the area, so I thought I would say 'hello.'"

"We both know that's about as likely as you spontaneously developing a personality. C'mon, why are you really here?"

"I thought you would like to know that I have regained control of the Japanese police, and that you are no longer wanted criminals. I also wanted to tell you that I've done my best to keep the police away from this area."

"What? And you want me to say 'thank you'? That's _never_ going to happen."

"I don't want anything from you, Mello. Though I did expect some sort of gratitude."

"Well, I'm-" Matt started.

"Shut up, Matt," Mello said, cutting him off. "And why are you here? Are you his pet or something?" he said, addressing Gevanni.

Gevanni, who had been eating the grilled cheese sandwich that Matt had given him, looked surprised to have been brought into the conversation. It took a moment for him to respond as he swallowed the bite of sandwich. "L asked me-"

"That albino twerp is not L!" he yelled.

"Mels, calm down," Matt said, lightly rubbing Mello's back.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" he yelled to Matt, getting up from the arm of the couch to move out of arms reach from him, "He's not L, and he's never going to be L! L is fucking _dead_!"

"I see," Near said simply.

"What do you mean 'you see'?" Mello yelled, taking a step towards Near. Gevanni stood up, ready to intervene. _So he's the body guard. But then why didn't he bring that other guy, Rester? He looks a lot more intimidating than this guy._

"It's alright, Gevanni. Mello won't attack me," Near said calmly.

"I wouldn't bet on that," Mello said, his tone harsh.

"Trust me, you won't." He felt as if Near was taunting him.

"Just answer the fucking question."

"It seems that you and Matt are now together. I was wondering when that would happen," Near said, still showing no emotion. Mello looked at him in disbelief; there was no way he could have possibly known that from anything they had done. "You look confused. Let me explain," Near continued, "I've had a theory for some time now that you and Matt would eventually start dating. Although it did seem less likely after you left Whammy's, my theory was strengthened when I saw you dressed in skin tight leather. You were quite obviously gay. Then-"

"I'm going to kill you," Mello growled, advancing towards Near. Both Gevanni and Matt stood up this time.

"Mels, stop it!" Matt had stepped directly in his way.

"Then when I saw how you act around each other," Near continued as if nothing had happened, "I was certain that it had finally happened. They might have been small gestures, but I noticed when you sat on the arm of the chair, practically in Matt's lap, and how he rubbed your lower back when he was trying to calm you. It really was quite obvious."

"Fine then. What about you and Gevanni?" Mello said as if it were an accusation. Gevanni, who had sat back down when it no longer appeared that Mello was going to try to attack Near, began to look uncomfortable with the mention of his insinuated relationship with Near.

"I don't know what you mean." Near stared at him blankly.

"Why did you have him come when Rester would have made a better body guard? I think there's a reason for that," Mello said suggestively.

"There is a reason for it. Commander Rester is currently working on an important assignment, while Gevanni would have been sitting around idly if I had not brought him." Gevanni looked somewhat insulted by this comment but otherwise didn't say anything. Mello felt bad for him; he could barely stand being in the same room with Near for a short period of time; this guy had to work for him. "Even if Gevanni and I did have a homosexual relationship with each other, that would be none of your business," Near finished. While Near was ever his stoic self, Gevanni was blushing a bright red.

"Just like my relationship with Matt is none of your business."

"I never claimed that it was. I merely made an observation."

"How's this for an observation?" Mello said, grabbing Matt around the waist and pulling him into a kiss. He tangled his fingers in Matt's hair and forced his tongue between his only somewhat unwilling lips, a little surprised that it wasn't more difficult to gain access.

"I think we've overstayed our welcome," Gevanni said, getting up and swiftly heading towards the door.

"Perhaps," Near said, lagging behind Gevanni but proceeding towards the door nonetheless.

Mello pulled away from Matt and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. "You won't be staying?" he said with mock pleasantry.

"It appears not," Near said, glancing out the door at Gevanni who was already almost to the car. "Good bye Mello, Matt," he said, nodding to each of them in turn before heading out the door.

"Bye," Mello called out the door as Near walked to the car, before slamming it shut. "I'm sorry," he said to Matt before even turning to face him; he knew Matt would be mad about what he had done.

"I don't know whether to be disappointed in you for that or proud of you for not killing Near," Matt said, a stern look adorning his features.

"Proud of me for not killing Near?" he suggested almost meekly, moving towards Matt with his arms open for a hug.

"Stop," he said, pushing Mello away. He picked up the plate Gevanni had left on the coffee table and went into the kitchen without another word to Mello.

"I'm sorry," he said, following Matt, "I wasn't thinking. I just, I got carried away. And it did make them leave, so it did work. I mean…I'm really sorry…"

"I gave Gevanni the grilled cheese sandwich I made for you, so I'll have to make you another one," Matt said, pulling two slices of bread out of the package, ignoring Mello's apologies.

"Mattie, please talk to me. Remember what Takahashi-san told us? Communication? Right?" Mello was beginning to get very worried. This was the first time he had been back home after their fight, and Matt was already mad at him again. There was that, and the oddly calm manner in which Matt was acting seemed worse to him than when they were yelling at each other. A great deal much worse.

"Go wait in the living room. I'll bring it to you when it's ready."

"Mattie…?"

"Go."

Not wanting to make Matt even angrier, Mello complied, resigning himself to the living room and sitting in the chair. _Why am I such a fucking idiot? He's told me not to do stuff like that a couple times. That fight and now this…he's never going to forgive me._

As he sat there waiting, he had nothing other to do besides think about what had happened, which only made him progressively more worried, until he was on the verge of tears having convinced himself that Matt was going to break up with him.

The second Matt entered the room, Mello started apologizing again. "I'm so sorry. I can change, I swear. I'll change," he said, running to embrace him.

Matt, having not expected this, nearly dropped the plate he was carrying. "Mello, calm down! What are you doing?"

"Please forgive me," Mello pleaded.

"Just sit down, and we'll talk about it, okay?" Matt said gently. Mello sat back down and waited for Matt to continue. "I'm not sure why you're so upset," he said, sitting on the couch and putting the plate on the coffee table, "but I want you to know that I forgive you."

"You do? Then why were you acting so pissed off?" He was incredibly relieved, but he didn't understand Matt's actions.

"I thought if I acted really mad about it, that maybe you'd learn your lesson," he said with a shrug, "I would have probably been much more upset, but it did get rid of Near, so, like you said, it worked. Why? What did you think I was going to say?"

Now that Matt had confessed that he wasn't angry, Mello felt stupid about how he had acted. "I, uh, thought you were going to break up with me" he said reluctantly. When he looked over at Matt, it appeared as if he was trying not to laugh. "What's so funny?" he asked, annoyed.

"That's ridiculous," he said, getting up from the couch and moving over to where Mello was sitting. He climbed up onto the chair, straddling Mello's thighs. "Why would I want to break up with you when I'm in love with you?" He cupped Mello's face in his hands and leaned in to kiss him. When Matt broke the kiss, he sat down in Mello's lap and leaned over to pick up the plate from the coffee table. "In case you're still hungry," he said, offering the plate.

"Thank you," Mello said, happy with how the day had turned out after all. Though things had turned out fine this time, he decided that he couldn't make any more mistakes like that. If he did, Matt was sure to actually be mad about it the next time he did.

"By the way," Matt started as Mello ate, "I asked Near about the hospital bill before you came down, and he said he would take care of it. I know you didn't want to owe him anything, but this way we won't have such a huge debt. We'll still have to get jobs if we want to stay here, but we won't have to put all our money towards that."

"I think I might actually be glad you asked him. To be completely honest, the idea of having to pay that bill scared me; I had no idea where we were going to get that kind of money. I just didn't want to say anything because you were already freaked out about it. Besides, the money he's paying the bill with should have been mine anyway."

"If only you had inherited L's money; we would have been set for life. But at least now we'll have enough money to replace the kitchen table," Matt said with a laugh.

"Yeah, we should probably do that," Mello said, offering the last bite of the grilled cheese to Matt who took it graciously. "Or," he said, leaning forward slightly to kiss at Matt's neck before continuing, "we could go break more furniture."

Matt pretended to contemplate the suggestion. "Yes, I think I like this idea," he said, moving once again to straddle Mello's hips. He kissed Mello roughly, hungrily, his tongue slipping between Mello's eagerly parting lips. His hand gripped Mello's hair tightly, as Mello wrapped his hands around Matt's hips, trying to force them closer to his own despite the fact that their torsos were already pressed flush against one other.

Matt abandoned Mello's mouth, sucking at the skin along his jaw line. Mello could feel himself growing hard as Matt ground his hips against his own. "Get up," he said to Matt, leaning forward so it would be easier for him to do so.

"Why? Do you want me to do something else?"

"I want to go someplace where it'll be easier to do this before we get too into it," he said, trying to get up out of the chair even though Matt was still on top of him.

Taking the hint, Matt climbed off of him and stood up. Mello had figured, since they were already up, that they would go upstairs to their bed, but soon after he had stood up, Matt pulled him down on the couch, mere feet from where they had started.

He returned to Mello's mouth, moving his tongue against Mello's. Ready for something more, Mello broke away from Matt's kiss for a moment to yank Matt's shirt over his head, dropping it to the floor. His hands roamed over the smooth skin of Matt's torso as he bit at his neck. Matt's hands were suddenly at the bottom of Mello's shirt, lifting it upwards, rushed at first, but then slowing to make sure not to hurt the sore skin around his stitches.

Mello was a little surprised by Matt's consideration; he didn't think he would be able to have such self restraint if their positions had been switched. He sighed, remembering something he should do for Matt. "I'll be right back," he said, regrettably leaving Matt and running upstairs to their bedroom. He threw open the drawer of the nightstand, shuffling through the contents until he spotted the bottle he had been looking for. He slammed the drawer shut and ran back down the stairs, stumbling once in his haste.

When he returned to the couch, Matt already had his pants off, waiting in only his boxers. Mello tossed the bottle of lube to the couch and quickly discarded his own pants. He had taken to wearing boxers when he wore skinny jeans as opposed to the tight leather pants he used to always wear and so was left with a pair of black boxers.

He climbed back onto the couch, leaning over Matt to kiss his neck. His hand moved down to the top of Matt's boxers, running a finger under the edge briefly before heading down even farther. He fingered Matt's growing erection through the thin layer of fabric that still covered it.

Becoming impatient, he abandoned the front of Matt's boxers to slip his own off. Matt followed suit, but when Mello grabbed the bottle of lube, an almost apprehensive look came over his features. "I want to," he said, seeming nervous. Mello found this odd; not only had he always applied the lube himself, but Matt hadn't really acted nervous since their first time.

"Sure," he said, handing the bottle to Matt. He didn't really care if Matt applied it for him; he just wished that he would hurry up.

"I mean," Matt started, leaning up and pushing Mello off of him slightly, "I want to be on top this time." Matt didn't really wait for any sort of confirmation that this was okay with Mello, but instead, pressed his lips to Mello's again, pushing forward farther, forcing Mello to lie down on the couch.

Still holding the bottle in one hand, Matt brought his other hand down to Mello's, as of yet, untouched entrance. Two fingers pushed their way past the tight rings of muscle. It was an odd sensation to Mello; not entirely unpleasant, just odd. He found it hard to focus on responding to Matt's kiss as the fingers tried to stretch the rings of muscle apart.

When a third finger was added, he started to feel some discomfort making him wonder how Matt could have dealt with this, especially considering that the three fingers would surly be nothing compared to what was about to happen.

Matt removed his fingers, and leaned up, breaking their kiss. He opened the bottle of lube and poured some out into the palm of his hand, coating his member with it. Mello, ready to get on with it, positioned himself so that Matt could more easily enter him, hooking his legs over Matt's shoulders.

Matt pushed in slowly at first; Mello's face contorted in pain. The painkillers had obviously started to wear off. _This has got to get better, or Matt wouldn't let me do this to him all the time, right?_

But when Matt pulled out partially, he thrust back in with much more force. A wave of pleasure flooded Mello's body. With that he understood; whatever pain he had experienced initially had been worth it.

It was a sensation like nothing else Mello had ever experienced. Matt's hips rocked back and forth, pulling out almost entirely only to push his way back in forcibly. With each time Matt pounded into him, a certain ecstasy coursed through his veins, making him want more.

"Maaatt," he called out, arching his back, when Matt hit that spot again. "Faster. Go. Faster," he commanded, his breath coming in gasps. Although he was already panting heavily, Matt increased his speed, adding to the intensity of each impact.

When Matt started pumping Mello's member, he could feel himself grow closer to the edge. As soon as Mello felt Matt release his warm liquid inside of him, he too released, sending his cum all over the front of his and Matt's torsos.

Matt pulled out and let Mello's legs fall to the couch on either side of him. He leaned down and gave Mello a kiss before getting up and going to the kitchen. He came back momentarily with a towel, wiping himself off before handing it to Mello who was still lying on the couch, in the process of catching his breath. "I get it," Mello said, sitting up and wiping off his stomach, "I can definitely understand why you like that so much."

"And, what? You thought I was just faking it before?" Matt asked jokingly, sitting down next to Mello and lying his head down softly on Mello's shoulder.

"Of course not, but I had no idea," he replied, resting his head down on Matt's. Though it certainly had been wonderful, he still thought that he liked being on top better. It gave him more control.

The area around the stitches in his back was starting to hurt. He considered that they had probably been rubbing against the couch cushion, but dismissed the idea as unimportant. It had been worth it.

He began tracing the veins that ran up Matt's forearm absentmindedly. Stopping abruptly, he made a sudden realization. "We're not the bad guys anymore." For the first time he understood the significance of what Near had said.

"What do you mean?"

"We're not considered criminals anymore."

"Well," Matt started, "now that we're not the bad guys, what do you want to do?"

"Whatever you want to," he replied, taking Matt's hand in his own.

* * *

**A/N: **As previously mentioned, I was very reluctant to keep the lemon scene. I believe it was right before I wrote chapter 20 that I decided to change what I wanted to do with the rest of the story, and although I had originally planned for a lemon scene something like what happened in this chapter, I had to cut it when I decided to make this change. The new layout only left room for it at the end of the last chapter, and I absolutely did not want to put it there. Then I wrote this chapter, and that is exactly what happened. I argued with myself over whether I should keep it or not and eventually decided that I did want to because I feel like it demonstrates how Matt's character has changed over the course of the story.

So yes, this is the last chapter; the next and last update with be the epilogue. I'm going to refrain from launching into everything I want to say concerning this story as I feel it would more appropriate to put it in the author's note after the epilogue. I suppose for now I will just say that I am very grateful to everyone who has taken the time to read my story and that I thank you all.

A special thanks to the following reviewers:  
LoveUntilWeBleed, Midnightkisses10, CMHerrera, ShadowQueen1996, TearfullPixie, Jeekey, usagisama7874, XxHeartlessKissxX, SparklyGlitter, MailxJeevasxFTW


	26. Epilogue: Scars

Epilogue: Scars

"Mello, I'm home!" Matt called out as he pushed open the front door.

The only response he heard was the clatter of something falling to the floor in the kitchen shortly followed by "Shit!" He started in the direction of the noise but was intercepted by Mello who came running out of the kitchen yelling "No, no, no! Don't go in there!"

He looked at Mello, becoming very confused. When Matt had left for work that morning, Mello had been sick, or at least, he had acted like he was sick. Now he seemed perfectly fine if not delirious. But his actions were not the only thing that made the situation strange. The way in which he was dressed – shirtless, wearing a pair of shorts with his hair pulled back in a ponytail – made it appear as if he had been exercising.

"Mello, what is going on? What happened to you being sick?" he demanded.

"Um… You're home awfully early," Mello responded, trying to evade Matt's questions.

"Only because I didn't have to wait for you," Matt said, trying to go around Mello to see what was going on in the kitchen. Normally, they drove into town together to go to work, but Mello generally worked about a half hour later than him, so he always had to wait for him to go home. Mello quickly stepped over to block his path. "Mello, why can't I go to the kitchen?" he said, becoming annoyed.

"It's…a surprise. Just go upstairs and give me ten minutes," Mello said, guiding Matt towards the stairs and away from the kitchen.

"Fine. Ten minutes," he said, reluctantly climbing the stairs. He went up to their room and pulled out some more comfortable clothes, changing out of the uniform for the electronics store he worked at.

He was a little upset that Mello had lied to him about being sick; he had been worried all day, concerned about how quickly the 'illness' had come on. _But if he hadn't, I still would have wanted to know why he was staying home which would have ruined whatever the surprise is._ Despite his seeming reluctance, he had become immediately curious about what Mello had planned as soon as he had revealed that he had a surprise for him. After all, if Mello had to take the entire day off for it, it had to be something big.

Not knowing what to do with whatever was left of his ten minutes of waiting, he went over to the window and opened it, feeling the warm breeze flow into the room. He stared out the window at the purple field that stretched out around their house. The barren landscape that had been there when they had first moved in almost six months before had been so unbelievably different that it seemed as if the fields would never produce the lavender that the real-estate website they had found their house on claimed they would. It wasn't that he didn't like the snow, he actually didn't mind it that much, it was just that the warmth of the mid-July air was much more comforting than the frigid atmosphere of late January.

"Okay, you can come down now," he heard Mello yell up the stairs, interrupting his thoughts. He abandoned the window sill, eager to see just what the surprise was as he had no idea of what it could be.

He ran down the stairs to Mello who was waiting for him at the bottom, still dressed in the 'workout' clothes. He held his hand out for Matt to take and led him out the front door. "What about the kitchen?" Matt asked.

"The surprise isn't in there," Mello responded simply.

"Then why wasn't I allowed in there?"

"Well, I didn't want to give you any hints," Mello said with a smile, leading him off the edge of the porch to a ladder than was set up to the side of it.

"The surprise is on the roof?" Matt questioned. It seemed an awfully odd place for it to be.

"Sort of. Go up and see."

Matt climbed the ladder hesitantly, not at all sure as to what could be special about the roof. As he neared the top of the ladder, the roof of the awning that hung over the porch came into view; a blanket was laid out on it with a picnic basket. A small gasp escaped his lips.

"Do you like it?" Mello asked from the ground.

"I love it," he said glancing down at Mello who was smiling up at him. He was about to step out onto the awning when a sudden concern wormed its way into his thoughts. "Is it safe?" he questioned, looking down at Mello with a worried expression. The last he knew, the wood was still rotted in at least the one spot he knew of. He had wanted to fix it, but had never gotten around to it.

"I hope so. I've been working on it all day," Mello replied, sounding a little offended. Matt could just imagine Mello working out under the hot sun all day, discarding his shirt when the heat became unbearable… That would explain how he was dressed.

"'I hope so'? That doesn't sound too confident," he said, stepping out onto it cautiously.

"I'm sure it's fine," Mello said, quickly appearing at the top of the ladder. He walked out onto the slightly slanted surface of the awning with much more confidence than Matt, sitting down on the blanket next to the picnic basket. "Sit down," he said, seeing that Matt hadn't moved since he had stepped off the ladder. He walked gingerly towards Mello and sat down next to him. "I tried to make bruschetta and pasta salad, but I burnt the bruschetta and then dropped the pasta on the floor when you walked in, so instead we have sandwiches," he said, pulling a sandwich out of the basket and handing it to Matt.

"That's perfectly alright." He was kind of amazed by how much work Mello had put into this, first fixing the awning and then trying to make a nice dinner for them. It didn't matter that they had ended up with sandwiches. It seemed a beautiful irony to Matt that Mello had been the one to fix the awning for he had once been so resistant to the idea and everything it stood for.

He looked over at Mello, grateful for the last six months. While they had certainly left a lasting impression on this place, it had also left its mark on them. The new scars that trailed up Mello's right arm and shoulder where a testament to this, but it was deeper than this physical evidence. Their new home had changed them, allowed them to grow together. A sort of internal scar ran through both of their bodies; they would forevermore be connected to the small town of Biei, Hokkaido.

They looked out on the fields of lavender blooming around them, a blanket of purple surrounding the home they had made for themselves. The blue sky stretched out over them, spanning to the few grey clouds that were appearing over the horizon. A soft rumble of thunder sounded in the distance.

~Fin~

* * *

**Author's Note: **I'm so terribly sad that this is over, but I'm also incredibly proud of it. I feel like I've grown as a writer over the course of this story, and it is all because of you readers; I would have never had the motivation to write this without you.

Before I continue, I want to apologize ahead of time for the length of this author's note. This being the end, I have a lot of things I want to address. I have chosen two songs that I believe represent how Matt and Mello feel towards each other. Perhaps with music, my ranting will seem somewhat less tedious.  
Matt's song: If My Heart Was a House by Owl City  
Mello's song: Chemicals Collide by Boys Like Girls

I've always liked when authors pair music to their writing, but I originally thought that I wouldn't be able to find songs that seemed relevant. When I first heard "If My Heart Was a House," I immediately thought that it was a nearly perfect representation of how Matt feels about Mello. Mello's song was somewhat more difficult to pick out. For quite some time, I was torn between three different songs, but eventually decided that this one was the best representation.

On to something perhaps more relevant, the next fanfiction I start _will_ be the sequel as it received the most votes by far. It will be titled "Cinders in the Ashtray." Sadly, I will not be able to start writing it for awhile. The deal I made with myself was that when this story was over, I would start studying for AP tests. I'm taking six of them this year which means that basically _all_ of my free time will be going towards studying until after they are over (my last one is May 11th). As of now, although this is not definite, I estimate that I will be able to have the prologue and first chapter, which I will be posting at the same time like I did for this story, up by the weekend of May 21st.

The story that is currently in second is "Neon Hearts" which, for those of you who don't know, is MattxMello AU. However, voting will be open until I start writing the sequel, so this might change. If you have not yet voted, please go to my profile page and vote. There are summaries of the stories you can vote for on my profile page. Whichever story ends up in second I will be starting after school is out.

Lastly, I would like to explain something that I alluded to in the author's note of chapter 24. Since the very being, lavender has served as a symbol of the progression of Matt and Mello's love for each other. It is first mentioned in chapter 3 when Mello notes the obvious lack of it in the wintery landscape despite the fact that the fields are supposed to bloom lavender come summer. Then the first time Matt notices the lavender scent of Mello's shampoo is also the first time they say "I love you" to each other in chapter 10. The lavender scented shampoo is mentioned again in chapter 19 when they are in the shower. Matt then brings Mello a lavender bouquet when he is in the hospital in chapter 24, and finally, we see the lavender bloom around their house in the epilogue. So basically, the idea was that as their love progresses, the lavender becomes more prevalent. In addition, the flower lavender also symbolizes devotion.

Again, I'm sorry about the length of this. I'm almost finished, I promise. I would again like to thank all of my readers, for this story would be nothing without you. I greatly appreciate all of you who have supported me through your reviews and all of you who have either added me to your favorite authors list or have favorited the story. And thank you to anyone who reviews the epilogue since I won't have a place to put my "special thanks" section for it.

With much love, sincerely,  
Amour en Rayures

A special thanks to the following reviewers:  
Midnightkisses10, simply-a-freak, xxFlutterStutterBOOMBOOMxx, kiki1070, TearfullPixie, usagisama7874, Strawberry-Blond Kunoichi, ShadowQueen1996, Armour-Duck, SonicCritic, quarterxqueen


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